Where : Corning - Painted Post East High School, Corning, NY

Who : Karen Carpenter

I. June 12, 1981? Karen and I reunited

And on August 16, 2019 I remember that Karen and I did meet again at Corning - Painted Post East High School in 1981.  It was a sunny day, so I am thinking it was the middle of June 1981 but not positive on that.  Karen came to the school and had me paged to the office at the school.  The secretary called up my room I was in and had me come to the office.  When I got to the office, Karen was standing by the reception desk and she was all decked out with a short black dress, black fishnet type stockings, heels, and a couple luau necklaces.  When I got there, Karen said, "Hi, I was the one who had you paged.  Do you remember me?" as I was going to the reception desk.  And I was like, "You look kind of familiar, but I don't really recognize you."  And she said, "It's me, Karen, remember, you and I spent most of 8th grade together?  I still have that ring you gave me."  And I was like, "Oh my God, it is you.  I remember.  But you're kind of dressed like a slut so you threw me off a bit."  And she was like, "Well, that was blunt.  I guess I should have seen that coming the way I'm dressed with the fishnet stockings and all.  I just flew in and I didn't have time to change out of my secretary clothes.  I got a job in the area now.  We can be together again."  And I was like, "You look so different dressed up but it is still you on the inside that counts, and as we both know, I like..." and Karen and I both said in unison together, "Tomboys and mud pies."  And we were both like, "It is you, how've you been?" at the same time to each other again.  And the receptionist / secretary said (Lois, who lived with Marvin's son, Ed, and Ed and Lois used to rent the upstairs apartment from my parents at 265 East Third Street), "You can use [whatever] room if you two want some privacy.  Don't forget to close the curtains.  Don't worry, I'll keep a look out for you two.  And here, put on this sweater [a long white knitted sweater].  If you remember, it's your old sweater and you left it at the apartment when you left two years ago.  He's right.  You do kind of look trashy and I think the sweater will help cover it up."  As a side note here, the assistant principal at Corning Free Academy became an assistant principal at Corning - Painted Post East High School, Roger Grigsby.  Marvin Mishrell was the other assistant principal and Marvin's son Ed rented the upstairs apartment from my parents before at 265 East Third Street.  We'd moved to 8 Garden Street at this time.  And so we went in the room and Karen said, "I told her that I was your fiancé and she believed me.  I hope you don't mind."  and I was like, "Like always, you make me smile.  That was a good one."  Karen was like, "Yeah, she also told me that you haven't been seeing anyone and the secretary was actually glad to hear that we were engaged.  She told me to say that my ring was a Cubic Zirconia but looked real and she said it was still a beautiful ring and that you seem to be a really nice guy.  She remembered me from before when we woke up the neighborhood that time.  We had a good laugh together.  The secretary also said that she sent her boss out on an errand and that we had about an hour before he got back.  Us secretaries need to stick together."  And then Karen asked, "I forgot, what were our pet names for each other again?"  And I was like, "Honey and Darling."  And she was like, "That's right.  I keep forgetting." And I was like, "That's OK.  I only remember because you used your Marlene Dietrich voice and Marlene called everyone Darling and honestly, I came up with Honey after I looked over at your honey dipper for your tea.  I almost called you Bear because your honey was in that bear jug."  And she laughed and said, "I remember that.  I forgot about the honey bear.  I kind of wondered how you came up with that so fast."  And I was like, "Yeah, it just kind of just slipped out like that."  And then I said, "That was really great that the secretary did that for us.  I saw Patti in my french class so it was a bit awkward.  I didn't really know what to say to her half the time.  She did talk though and told me about you getting married."  And Karen was like, "Yeah, I got married on August 31st?, 1980 to a guy named Tom Burris and he has a boy Patti's age.  [then some personal information that I would rather not repeat in public, not only because of privacy issues, but also because it is still a bit garbled and I don't want to take a chance of writing something again that may be a bit off and possibly wrong].  Then she talked about her husband, Tom, and said something like, "When people give you good advice, always listen.  People have always told me not to marry someone you meet in a bar and now I'm paying for it because I didn't listen."  And I was like, "I know, the 5 F's of meeting someone in a bar - Find 'em, feel 'em, finger 'em, f*** 'em, then forget 'em, but in your case it is probably Find 'em, feel 'em, fondle 'em, f*** 'em, then forget 'em."  And Karen was like, "I like that better.  I'll have to remember that.  Tom kind of blind-sided me because at first he kind of looked like you without your glasses only he is about ten years older than me.  But then too, he was more of a beefcake and you are more of a hunk.  After seeing you again, I definitely see the difference between a beefcake and a hunk.  Beefcakes are great to look at, but then I got to know him better and realized that he was not the hunk I thought he was at first.  Tom is definitely not a diamond in the rough.  Tom got me on the rebound because I never got over you.  My hormones were raging and my biologic clock was ticking.  You weren't there to protect me.  I was lonely and vulnerable and how did Rod say it?"  And then I said, "You were desparate."  And Karen said "Yeah, I was desperate.  Really desperate.  Do you like my ring?  Yeah, I bought it myself, so it is just what I wanted and this is the ring I wish you had been able to give to me.  I originally picked this ring out with you if you remember right.  You made that growl sound in your throat when you saw that ring.  You were so cute.  I had to get it and I stuck it away in my hope chest hoping that some day...  Actually, I sent a limo to pick you up at your house, but you weren't there."  And I was like, "We moved on February 23rd, 1980 to a different house."  And she was like, "I kept hoping that you would show up at my wedding and be my knight in shining armor like always, I kept looking for you but you weren't there.  And you know me and my signs.  When you didn't show up I figured it was a sign that I should marry Tom, so I did."  And I was like, "Try to remember this, if I don't show up at your wedding it is a sign that you are marrying the wrong guy again.  Besides, I was only 15 at the time and that would have looked great splattered all over the papers.  You know me, I still would have gone through with it somehow, but..."  And Karen was like, "I'll try to remember that.  And speaking of papers, People Magazine was there.  I almost backed out, but my mom made this big speech and I went through with it.  Her speech wasn't that good, but my mom rarely makes speeches so I figured it was important to her that I went through with it, so I did.  I was also good friends with his cousin [Debbie (Vaiusa?) Cuticello] and so I figured how bad could he be?  Anyway, Tom got a vasectomy because he was worried that if I got pregnant that it might wreck my voice and destroy my singing career.  I asked him several times to get it reversed and I would pay for it but he refused every time."  And I was like, "Well that was thoughtful of him."  And to Tom's credit, Karen had arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) and with that, Karen getting pregnant would be a difficult situation and a definite cause for concern.  And Karen was like, "Not funny Ace, but Tom admitted he wasn’t being totally honest with me when he told me about the vasectomy before we got married so I figured maybe he changed and was going to turn over a new leaf after we got married.  Tom changed alright after we got married.  Tom and I had great sex before we got married, but you can't live on love alone.  Before we got married, Tom always asked permission and such before doing something.  After we got married, Tom kept trying to run everything.  I kicked Tom out of the studio because Tom was trying to tell Richard how to record me."  And I was like, "I remember Richard that time and I remember Richard and I there and you sitting at your desk and telling Richard and I when it was alright for us to talk.  We knew better.  But Richard has been recording you for years and what does Tom know about a recording studio anyway?  Vasectomy, strike one.  Bossy, strike two."  And then Karen said, "I forgot about you meeting Richard.  You two were funny.  Richard doesn't usually make jokes around others, so I know he at least felt comfortable around you.  But Tom and I even fought on Christmas.  It was our first Christmas together so I wanted to spend it at our new home and Tom had made plans to see people and didn't tell me about it until the last minute.  I piled up all the presents in the back seat of the car, which is a small seat, and off we went with his son trying not to sit on presents the whole trip.  So we ended up spending Christmas on the road and I was not happy and I definitely let him know I definitely was not, as you call it, a happy camper."  And I was like, "I know how much you love Christmas and I'm surprised that you didn't shove the tree, angel and all, up where the sun don't shine and then turn the lights on.  Our family usually visits everyone on Christmas day, but with you, I would definitely let you decide and if you wanted to stay home, we would stay home.  No questions asked."  And then Karen said, "I just got an image of that tree thing you just said.  That's funny.  I wish I had thought of that.  I was definitely mad enough to do it at the time.  And as you say, pardon my french, but Tom is definitely a big enough a**hole that the tree would fit with room to spare and we had a really big tree this year.  [And we both laughed].  But that wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back.  Tom and I visited [my friend] and then when I asked him to visit again he seemed to be making up excuses.  A few times of this and I got suspicious and called up [my friend] and asked her if something had happened while Tom was there."  Karen said that "[my friend] said that Tom had tried to talk her into having sex with him and she felt awkward because she didn't know what to do about it.  [my friend] was worried that I might be offended if she didn't want to have sex with him because she found him to be kind of repulsive.  Tom lied about why he and his ex wife split up.  And after I found out that he hit on [my friend] I am all done with Tom.  Three strikes.  You're out.  Tom and I are definitely having some problems lately and I guess it was to be expected.  We both kind of started out on the wrong foot and lied to each other.  I lied to him about the rings and about almost everything really.  I never trusted him for some reason...  I think that reason was because I already knew someone that I knew I could always trust.  That someone is you.  I remembered what you said too about promises."  And then we both said together, "I don't make promises, but I say what I mean and I mean what I say."  And then she said, "We were both vulnerable and lonely and we made all of these promises to each other and I think we've broken about every promise we ever made to each other.  It's a real mess.  I know you can see my thoughts again and I know you just saw that.  Yes, he did.  I was his wife.  He wanted sex.  I was dry and we were both sore for a couple of days afterwards, but he wanted sex and he got it.  And I know you and I know you’re different than that.  That was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever gone through in my life.  He had his hand over my mouth and it was just awful.  As you can imagine, we haven’t talked much since then.  It’s pretty much over between us because of that.  [...Unspoken : I could read Karen's thoughts and I definitely read this one.  This happened sometime in October or November 1980 just a little after Karen and Tom had been married.  Karen had both fear and anger associated with remembering this stuff.  Tom snuck up on Karen and physically held Karen down so that Karen couldn't fight back or get away.  A guy that cares about a woman would only restrain a woman to keep her from hurting herself or others.  Not to force, but restrain.  This was forceful.  This was bad, but after this Karen started to physically keep her distance from Tom as protection as Karen was rightfully worried that the physical confrontations between Karen and Tom would start getting worst ('escalating' for people that like the 'big words').  As far as I know, Tom did not physically strike Karen, however, holding someone down like that for that reason is what ended it and is physical abuse.  Karen could never trust Tom again after that happened.  What next?  Was Tom going to start beating Karen up if Karen didn't do whatever Tom wanted?  Karen was NOT going to let it get that far.  The marriage was over at that point but it was passed the 'annul' date and California law at the time stated that they had to wait at least a year before getting a divorce unless Karen could prove that her life was in danger.  Over.  That was that.  There was something wrong with Tom and Tom couldn't talk about it with Karen and at that point, things were only bound to get worst between them as you know, if there is something you can't talk about with someone you say you care about, it must be REALLY bad.  This wasn't a "this hurts so let's try not to talk about it" thing.  This was definitely a "if I tell you the truth then you are going to hate me and never want to be around me again anyway" thing.  And now back to Karen speaking again...]  I'm a Christian and I can't hate anyone but Tom is the closest to hating someone I've ever known.  If you remember Max, Max was a saint compared to Tom.  And if you remember too, you were an answer to my prayers.  Tom never got me like you did with that coin trick.  And I figure that you had figured out by now that it was Olivia and Dionne that time and we still laugh about it because I had that racing stripe down the middle of my face and I didn't know it.  That was funny and everyone knew that you got me except me until later.  The pencil mark wiped right off so it was no big deal.  That's right, what did you and Dionne talk about anyway?"  And I was like, "Dionne just wanted to make sure that I was the one that did that to you and that I told you about it before someone else did.  We talked about you mostly.  She was just looking out for you."  And Karen was like, "I was kind of jealous because you two talked and were laughing, but that's what she told me too later on was that she wanted to make sure you did it and that you told me before I found out about it and that you and her talked mostly about me.  I really messed up with Dionne because I was jealous, but there's nothing I can do about it now.  We weren't talking and it was all my fault because I got jealous and I wasn't thinking."  And I was like, "You didn't did you?"  And Karen was like, "We got arguing and I did, we both did, and I kind of regret it because I was not raised that way but there's nothing I can do about it now.  I don't take back what I said, but I just wish I could have found a better way to say it was all.  It just happened like that."  And Karen continued, "Tom pulled the drinking glasses trick on me where the glass leaks, but it's just not the same.  It wrecked my new pants suit and was just a mess really.  You got me good, with Tom I got myself.  And, oh, what a mess I got myself into with Tom.  I really don't care about him any more and I just want him gone and out of my life."  And I was like, "Uh oh.  I messed up again, didn't I?  Sounds like things aren't working out so well in your marriage.  You know how I always wish you the best and to be happy, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going so well, but maybe things can get better somehow."  And then I paused a little and then continued, "It still seems kind of weird that everyone is our 500th or whatever great grandkid."  She was like, "Yeah, I still remember what Nick said to us about not having children and possibly bringing about another Great Flood and all that.  I forgot to tell you that he did say I could call him Nick too instead of Sir Nicholas."  And we both said, "But only in private.  Jinx."  And then we both said together again, "He sounds just like John Cleese.  Double jinx."  And we both laughed a little and then she said, "He told me he is actually Olivia's distant cousin.  Oh and Rod and I made up at my wedding.  I realized that he was just caught between a rock and a hard place and it wasn't really his fault.  Rod and I came up with a new nickname for Itchie at my wedding, Tagalong.  Wherever I went, Tagalong wasn't too far behind.  I actually kind of feel sorry for her as she got the role as an antagonist in that Flashdance movie and people look at her as a bad person because of that movie.  So I've kind of taken her under my wing to see if we can soften up her public image a bit."  And I'm like, "Actually, that antagonist image does kind of suit her if you remember correctly.  Not the man stealer part from the movie, but she ain't exactly a nice person as I don't tend to get into arguments with nice people; she can be sneaky at times like in the movie.  You know I trust you, but I don't trust her and never will.  I can still see the knife marks from the last time she tried to stab you in the back.  Remember that article and the pictures?"  And Karen was like, "I'll be alright, but I'll try to remember that.  My solo album is actually tied up in limbo for who knows how long.  I almost made the cover of Rolling Stone and they did an interview with me on Saint Patty’s day.  I thought it was a joke at first because I didn’t think people worked on Saint Patty’s day, but it was a real interview and I got to watch the Saint Patty’s day parade from a window.  I had on a top hat but somehow my top hat disappeared and someone gave me a derby instead.  But that interview got me thinking that the papers were looking to make this into a possible breakup and so I had them hold off on the article and they did.  I later decided to shelve that can of worms as I could see the papers looking to use it as a Carpenters breakup and I am not about to leave my brother.  I was figuring because the album wasn’t good musically that it would be looked at as a flop.  Until that interview, I hadn’t thought about what could happen if the album was a hit.  When I first played it for everyone I remember the looks on their faces after I played it.  My brother said it sounded like crap and that was what I was hoping for.  I was hoping that the album would tank and that people wouldn’t bother me again about doing another solo album.”  And I was like, “All filler and no killer.  I remember you telling me how Phil took all your good stuff and left you with leftovers.  What if it backfired and sold?  People tend to listen to crap nowadays if you haven’t noticed.”  And Karen continued, “We were getting ready to release the album and I thought that too about it possibly being successful and not a flop.  With that thought I decided to shelve the album.  I didn’t feel like having every interview start off with so are you going solo?  So I decided to shelve the album.  I asked them if I could hold off and not release the album and I was surprised that they did.  I also cried because everyone had worked so hard on that album and I felt like I was letting everyone down when I didn’t release it.  I had enough nonsense on my plate without adding a solo album to it, so I decided to shelve the album for personal reasons and Richard, Jerry, Herb, and even Phil said they would back me up on it.  And if you remember right, part of those personal reasons were because of your age and what if people asked about that stuff too.  Out of sight.  Out of mind.  Too risky.  And you know me and my signs and when I got those signs at the last minute that the album was a can of worms, I felt it best to leave that can of worms on the shelf and still in the can where it belongs.  I still love the album because most of the songs were about us and it has been about all I have of us besides my pen and a couple of those kinky critters you left in my desk drawers.  I actually gave most of them away, but I did keep a few as souvenirs.  And yes, I still remember and put them in different positions here and there when others aren't around and I still laugh about it.  You had a pretty wild imagination as a kid."  And I was like, "Sorry I wasn't there to tonsilectomy the bride at your wedding.  Honestly, I have been trying to get you out of my system for the last couple years.  I haven't been doing so well as you can see.  I know I look terrible.  I did buy Michael Jackson's Rock with You single and I played it almost non stop for over a month after it came out and I pretty much wore the single out because the grooves are white now instead of black.  I wore the needle out too and I had to replace that as well.  I definitely hugged the stuffings out of my pillow for quite a while and then I just started forgetting about you for some reason.  I'm not sure why, but I did.  It wasn't until Patti was in my french class that I started remembering again.  I honestly don't remember half the things we did anymore, I just remember that we had some great times together."  And Karen was like, "Yeah, it hit me pretty hard too and a few times I just started crying and I didn't know why.  I just did.  And then I met Tom, but I never really forgot you, I just put you in the background.  You are still my strength when things go wrong and such.  I remember what others said about us being soul mates and honestly, even though I missed you being there, you still gave me strength when I needed it.  Like you, I was an emotional train wreck too.  We had always helped each other feel better for so long and you never realize how good you have it until it's gone."  And I was like, "Long and gone.  Hey you're a poet and didn't know it.  I didn't realize either.  I mean I did realize, but when I forgot about you for a little while, it kind of affected me a lot different than what I thought.  I honestly didn't think it was possible to forget about you back then, but it happened and there is still some stuff I know I have still forgot about yet.  When I just started getting too lonely, I thought of you and felt better even though you weren't here.  I also thought about everyone being our great whatever grandkids too."  And Karen was like, "Actually, that stuff still kind of freaks me out.  I try not to think about it too much.  We almost came close to possibly destroying the world and we didn't even know it.  It's just creepy."  And I was like, "Me too.  I mean I love you, but not enough to destroy the world over.  Finding that stuff out kind of ruined us getting together in the future when I get old enough.  I still love the thought of us spending forever together."  And then she was like, "Me too.  I still love you and miss you so much.  Us being together forever sounds great to me too.  And I got to thinking too that I think Nick was wrong because we've had other lives since then and even the Bible says there isn't going to be another Great Flood when it talks about rainbows.  I think we'll be fine if we do get together.  Well, I just came back into town for a little while for Patti's graduation and I thought I would stop by and say hi while I was here.  I'm staying with my cousin Wendy so the spinsters are back together again and we're having a blast and catching up on the soap operas and our knitting."  I was like, "Does she still have that room above the garage available for rent?"  And Karen was like, "You remembered.  Actually, Tom came with me and I rented the room above the garage for him and his son.  We had to put it in his son's name because Tom doesn't have a good credit rating.  Oh and by the way, I ran a credit check on you too, just for the fun of it.  Very interesting as your rating puts Tom’s and his son’s ratings to shame.  I told Tom I was getting a secretary job at the school so that I could sneak off and see you again."  And the reason why a bit fuzzy is because of what went on next, Karen said, "Well, we don't have much time left, do you want to keep wasting it talking or do you want to make out with me?"  And I took my glasses off and Karen wrapped her arms around me and I wrapped my arms around her and I tonsilectomied (stuck my tongue down her throat and rubbed it back and forth like a dog in heat) her for the next two minutes or so.  Karen was trying to push me away, but I let her have it.  After I let her get away, she slapped me.  I then gave her the 'you asked for it' look.  And then she saw my thoughts again and realized what I was upset about and she got a bit nervous.  She then said, "Sorry I slapped you but I didn't like what you did to me just now.  That was just horrible.  If it had been anyone else I would have been looking to break something over their head."  And I was like, "That's OK.  I deserved to be slapped or even worst and as you know what I did was intentional."  And she was like, "Yeah, I just realized why you did it too.  Here I am dressed like a slut as you called it and then asking you to make out with me and not wanting to talk.  I kind of asked for that.  I thought at first you did that because you didn't know what you were doing.  I think that my thinking you are just a kid kind of backfired on me again like before."  And I was like, "You got it.  And I gave it to you.  If you want to act like a slut, I can treat you like a slut.  Welcome back.  But actually that's wrong of me especially with you.  I took what you said the wrong way.  And I need to say something else, myself.  First, I think we are both sliding on thin ice right now.  You have two strikes against you and I have two and a half strikes against me with that tonsilectomy I gave you and thinking about you being a slut when you're not.  We are definitely starting out on the wrong foot.  I think it is because you are looking for someone to be a lover and I am looking for someone to share my time with.  We don't match.  You want a lover and I want a companion.  But I think we both need a lover that is a companion too.  We both want something, but I think we both need something even better."  And Karen was like, "I think you are on to something there and I agree."  And then I said, "Do you remember when we visited the Dalai Lamas and the Dalai Lama made you think there was dirt on my face?"  And Karen was like, "I think I remember that, but what's your point?"  And I was like, "If you remember what Rod said about soul mates and touching, well, we've touched each other.  In all honesty, I don't want to spend the rest of eternity with you wanting to wipe dirt off my face or giving tonsilectomies, do you?"  Karen was like, "Do you think we could start over?"  And I was like, "We can try."  And then Karen and I gave each other a long (five minutes or so) passionate kiss (liplock) as we held each other in our arms and embraced each other.  The smiles and cloud 11 were definitely back between us again.  Our eyes were even brighter (more engaging) than before too.  At the end of 8th grade, Karen and I had the world in our eyes.  Now, Karen and I started having the universe in our eyes.  Instead of sparks and flames, we were having nukes and supernovas.  Also, back in 1979, it was passion and an urge to go further.  In 1981, we found out about 'first contact'.  We didn't hug or hold, we caressed each other.  Soft and sensual, not wild and crazy.  Intimate and meaningful, not just out for a good time.  Lovingly, not bumping and grinding.  A lover (well, she had her visitor so as close as we could get to it...) and a companion.  We went from a feeling of now to a feeling of forever.  As everyone noticed, it was awesome.  Before, the secretary told Karen that she would knock lightly three times on the door about five minutes before her boss was to arrive.  The knocks came and Karen and I waited about a minute or so and then I proceeded to open the door and walk out with Karen just in front of me.  We were both definitely floating on cloud 11 or higher and so staggering out might have been a better word for it.  I leaned forward and gave Karen a kiss on her cheek and I said, "I love you forever Honey."  And she spun around and gave me a liplock (no tongue) and said, "I love you forever too Darling."  On the way out we both thanked the secretary and she said, "No, thank you, it was my pleasure.  It's about time his office got put to some good use for a change.  My father in law is about as romantic as a [I think she said 'wet sponge' but not sure now].  Good luck you two.  And Ace, just wait a couple minutes and go to your next class."  And I walked out with Karen and then we wrapped our arms around each other and embraced and kind of did a slow dance together while giving each other a liplock again and slowly spinning around.  And then Karen and I parted company and we blew each other kisses and caught them.  And I was like, "I still love that smile."  And she was like, "Me too as much as I love you."  And I was like, "I love you too."  And Karen went out the front door and I went to my class and got my books and then went to my next class.

II. That eye color saying thing.  Air bubbles.  Elvis.  Pony tails

Karen mentioned about the eye color thing and she said, "How did that go again?".  And I was like, "If your eyes are brown, you are full of it, and if your eyes are blue, you are a quart low."  And I think Karen said something like, "Tom's eyes are blue, but I think it is because he has an air bubble in there somewhere."  And I was like, "I hadn't thought of that.  Could be."

At some point I also mentioned to Karen, "Remember how you always thought that Elvis was my dad.  Well, I had a school physical last year and my doctor told me that I was born breach and my mom was a virgin when I was born."  And Karen was like, "Anyone else and that would just freak me out, but with you that makes sense.  It figures.  Actually, that explains a lot.  Are you sure about that?"  And I was like, "Positive.  My doctor told me probably a couple days after you got married.  I guess that explains why I've never been normal or whatever."  And Karen was like, "I think normal is overrated too.  Welcome to the club" or something like that.  And of course Karen and I didn't have much 'private time' and kids started coming around again so we got back to serious cuddling and such.

And of course a new saying, "People wear pony tails so that if their head gets stuck up their butt, others have something to pull their head back out again with."  In all honesty, Karen usually wore her hair in a braided pony tail in the back and she looked great.  Karen wore very little makeup and her freckles made her face shine bright.  Karen also wore brightly colored pastel sun dresses.  Most people thought Karen was in her late teens or early 20s (23 at most) because Karen just had a glow about her that gave her a youthful and attractive appearance.  I have no idea who's idea it was for Karen's "Made In America" album videos to try and make Karen appear middle aged.  No one that saw Karen at the high school would have guessed that Karen was the one in the "Touch Me When We're Dancing" videos.  Even I have a hard time believing it is Karen in those videos.  But then too, the "statues" video definitely has a type of 'sex sells protest' feel to it which I believe both Karen and Richard were tired of all the 'sex sells' hype at the time.  If women can bare it all, why can't men bare it all too?  Why is all of this 'sex sells' stuff only aimed at women?  Great video.  [Side note, I think I remember Karen saying something like, "We kind of did that video because if you remember our manager, Jerry, always said, ‘sex sells baby’.  There were a bunch of complaints about the statue video and the guy's schlong hanging out.  Only a couple people mentioned anything about the bare breasts (Karen would on occasion say cleavage, but most times Karen used the word bosoms.  That's why I am pretty sure she said breasts on this one).  Because of the complaints, they had us make another video".  And me of course, "Doesn't the record company know that sex sells?  It was only statues.  It's just art, but still...  But then too maybe the video wasn't sexy enough because as a statue he was hard, but his schlong wasn't really hard.  Maybe that was it."  And I think Karen said (with a giggle in her voice), "my thoughts exactly but we made another video anyway without the statues."]

III. I was only gone a little over a half hour

I remember the one time that I came out after an exam and Karen had tears just streaming down her face and I said, "What happened?  Are you all right?"  And Karen said, "I'm sorry, I missed you.  I couldn't help it."  And I was like, "Aw, I missed you too.  I love you so much."  And then we embraced and liplocked and then I assumed the position against the wall and Karen climbed on top.  Then I said, "Are you sure you're OK?"  And she said, "I'm OK now."  And within a minute later she was out like a light with her arms wrapped around me again and my arms wrapped around her.  A couple of the others asked, "What happened?  Is she all right?  We were all talking and then she just started crying."  And I was like, "She's tired and she missed me.  She's fine now but she needs some rest.  Her visitor, period, takes a lot out of her and she gets emotional sometimes."  And a couple minutes later I zonked out too.

IV. Hiding out

Another time I came out of an exam and Karen was hiding out in the auditorium.  I had told Karen earlier that day that the legal age in New York was 18 and not 16 like in California.  A police officer came into the school and Karen got nervous so she ducked into the auditorium and hid just inside the auditorium door.  When I came around by the trophy case, Karen opened the door and told me she saw a police officer come into the school and the officer started asking people questions and then she got nervous and hid.  There was a car parked out front that wasn't supposed to be sitting there and the cop had just came in to the school to see if he could find the person and have them move the car.  I also told Karen after that, that if it had been something else that both of my parents worked about 5 minutes away and that they would definitely say that Karen had their permission to be with me aka 'parental consent'.  I told Karen that because she wasn't a teacher now that she didn't have to worry about the teacher and student stuff any more.  Honestly, no one really thought Karen was that much older than me so no one really thought much about it or asked about it.  Plus Karen and I were happily engaged and Karen had a ring on her finger to prove it.  Karen and I were fine together.  Nobody really bothered Karen and me except to wake me up for an exam or that one time that I was snoring and they didn't want me waking Karen up, which wasn't a bother really, but more of a necessity.

V. The aftermax recollection

Karen also brought up Max again.  Karen was like, "I know Max was a sore spot with you, but I was glad it worked out the way it did.  What did we call ourselves?"  And I was like, "The walking wounded."  And Karen was like, "I remember.  I was definitely sore and bruised for a couple days and you were hobbling around too with sympathy pains."  And I was like, "Actually, I pulled a groin muscle when I reached over your desk and grabbed him.  We were both a sorry sight afterwards and I remember how the other kids thought we had had sex as being the reason why we were in such bad shape."  She was like, "I remember that too.  I just saw an arm come over my book rack and then Max wasn't there anymore and the building shook and it felt like an earthquake and stuff just fell off the walls and glass breaking and all that.  I had heard about adrenaline rushes from people before then but I got to see one first hand.  I remember the kids talking and such too.  I just didn't feel like arguing afterwards, so I just let them talk."  And I was like, "I didn't feel like arguing either, so I let them talk too."  And Karen was like, "I was very grateful that you didn't hit him because I know you would have killed him, but I always wondered why you stopped and let him go."  And I was like, "After he hit the wall, I saw the look in his eyes and he knew it was all over.  He knew if I hit him he was done.  And then I heard you say no Ace don't.  That was what saved him.  But I let him go because I felt that everyone should be given a chance to make amends for their mistakes.  And the reason why I was always so upset about Max is because after I let him go and gave him his chance, he threatened to have you arrested and told me not to tell on him.  I don't regret giving him his chance, but he definitely blew it with me and that is why I couldn't forgive him if you remember.  No way, not after that."  And Karen was like, "I saw Max and he apologized and said he just lost his head that time because he knew that you loved me, but he just didn't understand why you didn't have sex with me.  After you cussed him out, he understood and felt really bad about it.  I was so proud of you for standing up for me and saying all those wonderful things to Max about me.  Your words hurt Max worst than any beating could have ever done."  And of course Karen and I started making out with each other and lost our train of thought after that.  Come to think of it, we were making out before this conversation took place as well.  We really didn't talk much in June 1981.  We were usually either making out with each other, doing "The Couples Show", or sleeping (we didn't nap; we slept.  You don't nap through loud buzzer alarms going off) together with our arms wrapped around each other.  We were very comfortable with each other but also, Karen was still "grooming me to be her husband" with teaching me about forgiveness with Max, while I was still "briding her to be my wife" with teaching Karen about repentance (admitting a wrong was done) and penance (making amends) with her husband Tom.

VI. Smoking

I had started smoking not too long before Karen came back around.  I had only been smoking a couple months and not too heavily, maybe two packs a week.  When Karen first came back around, on June 15, we went to the corner a couple times and I grabbed a smoke there with the other kids that were smokers.  After Monday, June 15, I did not smoke when Karen was around again.  Karen actually didn't say a word about it and she was actually fine with it, but I wasn't fine with it.  And honestly, it wasn't because of Karen the singer or that kind of stuff, but it was because with Karen around, I honestly did not feel like smoking anymore.  I would rather be inside cuddling up with Karen and stuff like that than polluting my lungs or such.  After Karen was around me for just a short time (3 or 4 hours) the urge for me to smoke just disappeared.  No lectures or any of that stuff, I just quit because I really didn't feel like it and I had better things to do now.  Would you rather spend your time kissing and hugging and cuddling up with someone truly very special or waste your time burning money away and smelling like an ashtray?  Me too.  That's why I quit smoking for a while.  Think about it more which is what I did.  You have this great pair of sizzling lips and an awesome cuddler right there in front of you and this stupid thing getting in the way of you having a great time.

VII. Made In America.  American Top 40

Karen also mentioned that her and Richard had a new album coming out and I mentioned that I had already heard the new song "Touch Me When We're Dancing" on the radio.  And Karen was like, "Actually Richard and I heard that song and thought it was good so we did it like usual.  I told them about the story of you and me dancing and you calling me an osprey."  And I was like, "I remember, I called you an ostrich because you buried your head in your arms like an ostrich that time."  And Karen was like, "Oh shoot, I guess I messed that story up a little and that kind of explains the funny look they gave me but they still kind of laughed a little about it.  I'm kind of wondering now if they laughed because I mixed up osprey with ostrich.  Oh well.  There's another song on there called I Believe You by the Addrissi brothers and Tom asks if the songs are written about him.  I tell him yes most of the time just to shut him up.  You know how it is though.  Usually the song is just written already and I just tell people about what I feel my motivation is behind singing the song a particular way or choosing a particular song to sing.  I don't actually write songs myself.  Once in a great while, like with Rock With You, I provide kind of a story to use for a possible song, but I'm not much of a poet myself."

Karen also mentioned that her neighbor at one time was Casey Kasem who did the American Top 40 show.  Casey also did the voice for Shaggy on the Scooby Doo cartoon.  Karen told me that Casey had almost been let go from the American Top 40 show after Casey stuck to his principles and did a show as a tribute to Bon Scott who had passed away in March of 1980. Casey was very proud that he stuck to his principles even though it almost cost him his job. Casey felt very strongly that maybe Bon’s problem child type lifestyle and how Bon passed away might be a good lesson for younger people to learn about drinking alcohol too much and the dangers associated with it. Regardless, ratings went down after the show. I actually watched that show when it aired and I can say that it was very awkward watching Casey Kasem say “Hell” a few times and such, but I can say that Casey did show genuine concern as far as the rowdy “Rock N Roll lifestyle” wasn’t as glamorous as others were trying to make it out to be. There is a downside to excess. There is also a downside to having advertisers that sell alcohol and a guy hosting a music show trying to say “don’t drink too much”.  But then too, if your customer drinks too much and dies, then you lose a customer.  But even better was that Casey believed that if the tribute he did to Bon Scott helped keep just one person from overdosing on alcohol, Casey felt it was worth trying.  It may have almost cost Casey his job, but Casey (and Karen too) felt it was the right thing to do by raising awareness about the side effects of drinking too much.

VIII. A little excitement?

IX. Karen and I and the 'couples hangout'

Karen and I were seen many times at the school after this.  I was age 16 and Karen was age 31 and I became known as "Karen's old man" at the school.  Honestly, despite the actual age difference, Karen and I looked only a year or two apart when we were together.  The secretary said that Karen could wait for me in the lobby any time.  I would see Karen and then Karen and I would usually start holding hands and then sit down in front of the trophy case.  I would 'assume the position' which was sitting and reclining against the wall.  My back against the wall and my butt about a foot or so away from the wall.  Karen and I would then cuddle up and hug together and hold hands and kiss and such.  At times, Karen wore cherry flavored lipstick too which was awesome.  Karen and I joked around too and wondered if they made onion flavored lipstick for Tom.

Karen's ring stood out and a lot of times the upper classpeople (classmen, classwomen) would start coupling up and sitting around us.  Under the trophy case kind of became "couples hangout" at the school.  Originally it was just Karen and me.  By the end of the week there were probably around twelve couples gathered around the trophy case and all of us chatting together and talking about stuff much like back in the 8th grade days with Karen and me in Karen's classroom.  And the others would see the ring on Karen's finger and would ask, "Are you two engaged?" and we would answer, "Yes".  And of course, "Congratulations.  That's a beautiful ring."  And Karen would say, "It's a cubic zirconia.  It looks real but it isn't."  (Of course it was actually real, but at about three quarters of a karat, it would definitely draw the wrong attention to Karen and me). 

One of the teachers was actually a gem enthusiast and asked to examine Karen's ring.  We were like "OK, but we have a confession to make first.  Yes, the ring is real.  Do you promise not to tell." because we knew the jig was up with him.  He pulled out his eye piece and said, "I know it's real and I also know that ring from a story a while ago in a magazine about [name] gem cutter and how he used the flaw to enhance the diamond.  That is a one of a kind piece.  I always wanted to see that ring and now I have.  Thanks.  I promise not to tell that it's real." 

One time, it was just Karen and I sitting there, side by side, and talking and holding hands together (we usually locked our fingers together).  Karen had been standing and waiting there for me to get out of my exam in the morning.  On my way to the exam I had ran across Renee Araujo who was in my french class and I said hi to her.  After the exam, Karen told me how she had seen my thoughts and asked me about talking to Renee.  And I was like, "She's in my french class.  I was just being nice and saying hi to her.  As you know from my thoughts, I don't think of her that way.  She's a nice person so I just said hi was all."  And Karen was like, "I know because I saw you flip through all those people including my cousin Patti until you figured out who she was.  Watch who you get friendly with but I know you're telling me the truth about her.  But remember too, you can't hide from me and I'll know if you start thinking of someone else and you know I'll make you pay for it if you do.  Watch your step."  And then we sat down side by side and I said something like, "I love you so much." and then Karen said something like, "I know.  Me too." and then Karen just started crying.  I asked, "Are you alright?"  And she said, "I just realized that it's really you and you're really here again and I'm just so happy.  I can't help it.  I've missed you so much."  And I was like, "I know what you mean.  I have been missing you so much and now we're together and it just doesn't seem real.  We've never really been able to be together without some major obstacle causing problems.  Being able to just sit here and relax with you is just too wonderful to describe.  I love you too."  And we are still side by side and she is still crying.  Then a guy walks around the corner and sees her crying and yells out, "Hey you, take your hands off her.  Can't you see she's crying?"  I said, "I know she's crying, but if I take my hands away from her she'll cry even more?  She's not hurt or sad, she's actually happy."  And he said, "She sure don't sound happy to me.  I said take your hands off of her or else and I mean it."  And then Karen raises her hand up with the ring on her finger and the guy says, "Oh sorry, I didn't realize.  You two got engaged?"  And I was like, "Yes.  Come on over.  We don't bite."  And I put my hand up in the air and motioned for him to come over and he did.  And when he came over I shook his hand and said, "Thanks for being concerned about her.  I really appreciate it.  I would have probably done the same thing myself.  No need to be sorry.  Thank you."  And he said, "That's a big rock on her finger."  And I was like, "It's a cubic zirconia and not a real diamond, but it's still beautiful like her."  And he said, "I can't argue with that.  Thanks and congratulations to you two."  And Karen and I both said, "Thanks."  and then he left and I gave him the thumbs up and Karen just rolled her head over onto my chest and wrapped her arms around me and we both cuddled up and closed our eyes for a bit enjoying the moment.  Men tend to get upset when they don't know how to express their feelings.  Women tend to cry when they don't know how to express their feelings.  Karen was just beyond happy and it showed. 

And then another time, Karen and I just cuddled up and went to sleep together in our usual spot.  The secretary came out later and woke us up after she finished work and before she left for the night (either 6 or 8 PM).  We probably would have been there all night if she hadn't woke us up.  Karen and I were still just that comfortable with each other.  We both also drooled in our sleep, a lot.  My shirt was usually kind of soaked in drool in spots by the end of the day.  I soaked my collar and my shoulder and Karen soaked my chest.  We were still definitely a lot alike.

[Added May 2, 2022] And yet another time, Karen had been talking with a group of girls around the trophy case and I had came around the corner just after taking an exam.  Karen had been talking with the girls about how women should always have a happy face when their man came home from a rough day and be waiting with open arms and such.  So I came around the corner and there Karen was standing and smiling (and demonstaritng to the girls the happy face and such) and I just came out with, "OK, what did I do wrong now?"  And Karen was like, "Nothing, I'm just glad to see you." and I was like, "Glad to see you too." and then we kissed and the little sneak had put on cherry lipstick as a surprise.  Yeah, I've been addicted to cherry ever since then - cherry pies, cherry cigars, cherry whatever.

Also, Karen used the 'count the days' method for knowing when her period (menstrual cycle) would happen and as her form of 'birth control'.  This time around her period was really difficult.  For the week Karen and I were around each other, Karen was having a rough time.  Karen would take some Midol pills and then cuddle up with me under the trophy case and usually fall asleep with me.  She would put her arms around my neck and then rest her head against my chest (because she said she liked listening to me breathe and listening to my heart beat and hearing my heart beat helped her relax about her arrhythmia enough to just fall asleep) and she would usually be sound asleep within five to ten minutes of cuddling up with me. 

On the last day, Karen was doing better again and tried to apologize for the rough week she had.  She also said, "What was the school name again?"  And I was like, "Corning Free Academy, but we also called it Corning Freak Asylum"  And Karen was like, "Back at CFA my visitor usually happened on the weekends so you didn't see me this way.  Maybe only a couple times."  And then she said, "Is there anything I can do to help make it up to you?"  And I said, "You already have.  You were feeling miserable and you still spent your time with me.  What more could I ask for?"  And she said, "But I wasn't good company."  And I was like, "Says who?  Oops, that's right, you just said so.  Sorry, you're right as usual.  You weren't good company; you were great company.  And yes, I still love seeing you smile again even if I have to sleep with you some more.  Is there something wrong with saying I slept with Karen Carpenter and she feels better now?  Don't answer that.  I just caught myself.  I promise not to tell on me if you promise not to tell on you."  And yes, she smiled.  And after she smiled, the old familiar words, "smart ass", just rolled out of her mouth.

X. June 18, 1981? Our last day together?

On our last day together, Karen and I were under the trophy case as usual and through the front doors of the school came Karen's husband Tom.  Tom rushed right in and grabbed Karen by the arm and started dragging her out the door saying, "You're coming with me." among other things.  Karen then saw me stand up from against the wall and Karen had the 'uh oh' look on her face because she knew I was getting upset about her being dragged across the floor.  Karen then said to Tom, "Let me go.  I will go with you if you only let me talk to him first."  And Tom let go and Karen came over and just said to me, "I hope you remember what I said to you, I really meant it.  I'll be back soon."  And I was like, "You know I always mean what I say too.  I'll always love you."  And then Karen turned around and walked out with Tom. 

There was also a couple couples sitting near us as the trophy case became the 'couples hangout' at the school.  I remember the one guy sitting next to me saying, "If you love her, you should fight for her.  Why would you let him just take her like that?"  And I was like, "You don't understand; that is her husband, but he did some bad things and she doesn't love him anymore and she can't forgive him for what he did."  And he was like, "I think I understand now.  That makes more sense.  Sometimes you have to go through some bad things before you can realize how good you can have it.  I feel bad for her.  That guy seems like a jerk.  She's such a sweetheart to everybody and she deserves better than that."  And I was like, "Yes, and we all can make mistakes, but a bigger mistake for me would have been to try and interfere between her and her husband.  That would anger him and cause her more problems than she already has.  So long as he did not physically hit her or such, I was not going to intervene.  Karen is a big girl and can take care of herself for the most part.  Karen has to wait a year before she can file for a divorce which would be in August this year at the earliest.  In the meantime, it is better if Karen and I have some patience and try not to make her situation any worst than it is.  That is also why Karen and I stayed out here in plain view so that people couldn't accuse us of stuff.  Back then, Karen thought she would never be able to see me again." 

I am not sure now if Tom brought her back to the school or not.  I keep thinking that Karen came back, but I am not sure as it has been 38 years now and counting.  For some reason I keep thinking that Karen came back and had tears in her eyes and said something like, "You didn't tell them did you?"  And I was like, "I finally told them you were in a bad marriage because I think they found that out now.  I also told them that you had to wait a year after getting married to get a divorce.  Everyone was kind of shocked because you have been so happy that they didn't think anything was wrong.  That's about it unless there was something else that you could think of."  And Karen had a look of relief and was like, "Thanks, I was hoping to tell them myself but I guess it couldn't be helped.  Tom brought me back and said I could stay here.  I just started crying in the car and saying that we are surrounded by a bunch of kids and just talking.  We can't do anything with a bunch of kids hanging around us and where am I going to go?  Why won't you let me stay with him?  It's been over between us and you know it and you know why.  But if you want, I can tell you why so that your son can hear it too and hear why his mom divorced you too.  Is that what you want from me now?  And so here I am.  And Tom said he would pick me up later."  And it seems like everyone was glad to see her back under the trophy case again after seeing her being dragged off earlier and finding out she was still legally married to a guy that she didn't love anymore.  It seemed like everyone was so supportive and giving Karen hugs and such.  And it seems like I remember Karen saying, "I love all of you so much and I feel so loved when I'm around you.  Thank you so much.  I am going to miss you guys after the school year is over."  And I think they said back something like, "We are going to miss you too Honey.  Too bad you couldn't send Smart Ass instead.  We'd rather miss him than you."  And I think I said something like, "Gee, thanks guys, you really know how to make a guy feel loved."  And then everyone looked over at Karen and then Karen looked at me with a big smile on her face and finally said, "Smart ass" in her usual way.  So yes, it is definitely true that no one likes a smart ass except possibly Karen Carpenter; I should know.  And then everyone laughed and then we got back to some serious cuddling. 

Tom stopped by later and came in and picked Karen up.  Tom came over and said something like, "When I got back, Wendy filled me in that you saved her life before.  Sorry about earlier.  I didn't know.  She never told me about it.  Thank you." and Tom and I shook hands.  And Karen and I kind of had a blank stare and then I was like, "Actually, Karen and I kind of forgot about that." or something like that.  And Tom's jaw just dropped and he was like, "How could you forget about something like that?"  And I think I pulled Tom closer and I kind of whispered, "People here don't know that she's Karen Carpenter and we worry more about people finding that out than whether or not I saved her life or whatever."  And then I think I spoke up and said something like, "Yeah, Karen and I have so many great stories to tell that we kind of forgot about that one.  But one time Karen thought she dropped her pen in the road and I grabbed her before she went in the road and almost got hit by a car.  It really wasn't that big of a deal.  It was just one of those things that happened and Karen's cousin Wendy came out and saw us crying together by the store because I almost lost her.  Sometimes you never realize what you have until after you almost lose it." or something like that.  And then I think Tom and Karen left the school after Karen said her goodbyes and such.  Earlier that day, Karen and I agreed that to avoid any complications in her divorce and to avoid any possible 'adultery' allegations or such against Karen by Tom, that Karen and I would not contact each other until her divorce was final.  We did that.  Karen also asked me if I had an old shirt that smelled like me that she could sleep in to help remind her of me until her divorce went through.  I don't remember which shirt now, but I did give her one of my shirts that she took with her when she left.  She hid it under her dress so that Thomas wouldn't see it when he picked her up.

XI. The Couples Show

Karen and I got a lot of questions about being a couple and such.  We developed a routine together after the first day.  With Karen having problems with Tom Burris, we didn’t want to have a nicey nicey talk and we opted more for the ‘dysfunctional’ couple idea.  Karen and I were seen by the others as ‘the perfect couple’ as we never argued and we were always caring about each other.  So Karen and I decided to ‘dirty up’ our image a little during the couples show.  Well, a lot actually.  The real world is not a perfect place where everything always goes according to a perfect plan.  How did we get to be such a ‘cute couple’?  I guess by me sleeping on the couch all the time with that one spring that keeps you up all night.  Karen and I even had a few of the teachers wanting to record this show as it was educational as well as entertaining about personal relationships.  So many things can go wrong and how do you cope with it?  Being a couple is about working together.  We slid the message in sideways as there was this guy (let’s call him Smart Ass) that always had his own way of doing things.  If Smart Ass was to ever be allowed back off the couch again and get a good night’s sleep, then Smart Ass was going to need to learn to work together with Honey (Karen) and straighten his act up.  Karen was having a rough time with her menstrual cycle (period / 'visitor') and she would come in and take a couple Midols and crawl up on me and sleep for a little bit with her arms around my neck and her head against my chest.  I would usually have to wake her up when I had to go to an exam and I always hated to wake her up because I knew she was exhausted.  But, at times I would feel bad about it and wake her up and take my exam and I would usually be back within a half hour.  I would be like, "I'd rather take a zero than wake her up.  She's so peaceful and resting comfortably and having such a hard time with her period."  And the guys would be like, "Don't worry about it.  You'll be back soon and we'll keep an eye on her for you.  She'll be fine."  Afterwards, Karen would usually be wide awake and many times someone new would start hanging out under the trophy case.  Because Karen was exhausted many times, I did a lot of the talking about things and Karen usually threw in a bunch of "smart asses" which kind of became my nickname around the trophy case.  And really, the less Karen talked, the less likely people were to recognize her as being Karen Carpenter.  Actually, most people knew Karen as Honey.  And we would start out with (either of us might say this), "Hi everyone.  When we started out as a couple, we had a whole bunch of things to learn and no one to really ask about it.  So if you have any questions, just shout it out any time and we'll work on it.  In the meantime, just sit back, relax, grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show."  And then I would start out with, "So anyway, the first thing is we're Karen and Ace.  We're a couple.  Karen and Ace, and the reason Karen and Ace is because she comes first and then I can roll over and go to sleep.  Karen and Ace.  Otherwise, she's up all night and I never hear the end of it."  And Karen would be, "You got that right smart ass".  And I had one of the guys that was a 'smart ass' fan so to speak.  He would say stuff like, "Go get 'em smart ass" and "Watch your step smart ass you should know better by now" and my favorite, "If this house is a rocking, don't come a knocking" and stuff like that.  And then I would continue, "The first thing that guys need to learn is that she is always right.  Right Honey?"  And she would be, "If you know what's good for you, you'd better know I'm right and admit it smart ass."  And I would continue, "There are dire consequences for not following this rule.  The shortest distance between two lines is the couch.  The couch actually isn't too bad once you get used to it, but there's always that one spring that keeps you up all night.  But this is if you're lucky.  Remember, you did something wrong and now you're going to pay for it if you know what's good for you, right Honey?"  And she was like, "Right smart ass."  I would continue, "If you mess up again, then the dog house and it just goes downhill after that.  Guys, try not to mess up.  Also remember, high heels can be used like boomerangs.  Think about it.  If she throws something at you, let it hit you.  Your bones will probably heal faster than being able to get a new TV because you were stupid and thought that ducking was a good idea.  It isn't.  Women love to pamper a guy that's been hurt.  Your bones heal.  That picture window doesn't heal and now you have to replace it and learn all these new words just because you thought you were being smart and ducked.  You weren't so smart were you?"  And Karen would be like, "See what you get for being a smart ass and ducking.  Is it really worth it?"  And I would continue, "Definitely DO NOT ARGUE WITH A WOMAN.  Remember rule number one, she is always right.  It saves on a lot of aggravation and couch springs.  Watch."  And Karen would say, "You know that new bowling ball you wanted, well the curling iron bit the dust and I need a new bathrobe and slippers."  And I would say, "Now guys, I know that you're thinking that she looks better naked and curly hair really isn't that important, but remember your priorities.  It can get lonely on the couch all the time.  Trust me.  I'm a smart ass.  I know.  She's fine.  She has the bed because if she doesn't have the bed then she'll get a bad back and you'll never hear the end of that either.  One of these days she'll feel sorry for you and you can get that bowling ball, but until Hell freezes over, you are going to have to be patient and wait.  And I think this is a good time to bring up priorites.  There are two kinds of priorities, wants and needs.  Actually, Karen and I when we got back together we had a big fight and almost broke up because of wants and needs.  Karen wanted a lover and I wanted a companion.  It doesn't match does it?  Remember, don't argue with a woman.  She had two strikes on her and I had two and a half strikes and we were both ready to call it quits because we weren't getting what we wanted.  And then I looked at the problem again and I said, you know, you want a lover and I want a companion, but I think we both need a lover and a companion.  You have two points for acting like a slut and I have two and a half points for that horrible tonsilectomy I gave you and saying slut to you.  But we both want something, but I think we need something even better.  You want a lover and I want a companion, but I think we both need a lover that's a companion too."  And Karen was like, "Then I just said, can we start over?"  And then I said, "We went from sparks and flames to nukes and supernovas.  Take care of your needs first.  You are always going to want something sometime, but if you need something and don't get it you can be up sh*t crick and she'll definitely shove that paddle somewhere where the Sun don't shine."  And Karen would say, "And you'll be walking funny too, right smart ass?"  And then I would continue, "And speaking of which, guys, how would you feel if you had someone over top of you just beating on you relentlessly then rolling over and falling asleep when they're done.  This is the woman you love.  Enjoy every moment you get even with a paddle shoved up your ass.  Think of what you're doing and how would you feel if it was being done back to you?  Love only goes so far, because if you really love someone, they know how you feel and you know how they feel.  It's a two way street.  Everybody's different and it takes a little while to get used to someone.  Karen and I were around each other for 9 months and in that 9 months things just kept getting better and better between us, but some people around us started behaving worst and worst.  Karen and I love making each other feel better.  Others liked trying to make others feel miserable.  Karen and I had more than enough problems to feel miserable about if we wanted to feel that way, but we loved making each other smile and we really loved seeing each other smile too.  And it was weird too because many times we didn't think we could be any happier than we were, but somehow it happened.  All because we love to make each other happier.  We learned to work together to make each other happier."  And Karen and I would just go on and on and talk about different things that happened and how we dealt with stuff and such.  We definitely threw in a bit of humor too because we realized that a lot of times people remember jokes better than just saying things and trying to memorize a bunch of stuff that didn't seem very fun.  Rolling pins, baseball bats, bazookas, and all I remember was hearing 'you son of a b*tch' and then I slipped and fell down the stairs right into the dog house.  And we would talk about going from being single to being with someone and all the ups and downs of adjusting.  We didn't have kids ourselves, but we also talked about making kids a priority in a way, but not spoiling them and trying to teach them how to do things on their own.  With kids, you want to teach them to do for themselves and take the patience it needs to let them work it out at their own pace which is the tough part.  If you do it for them, they don't learn how to be able to take care of themselves and that leads to kids having more problems if they figure everyone will always do everything for them.  We would also talk about 'sex signals' where instead of saying something out right, you would just rub your finger a certain way to let your partner know or such.  Sometimes, you can't always tell.  And Karen would be like, "Well, I don't have that problem with Ace.  I can always tell.  It's kind of hard, sorry about that, to miss."  And we would always try to work in 'work together' as being essential.  "If we work together, we can get things done quicker and that leaves more time for other things.  And time is the key to a lasting relationship.  Because with a good relationship, time always seems to fly by and you keep hoping that time will last and continue, where as with a bad relationship, time seems to drag on and you keep hoping for it to be over soon but it never is."  We would also talk about jealousy and Karen would admit that she would get jealous and Karen would say that I didn't get jealous.  And we talked about the reason behind jealousy and people feeling inferior or superior to others and how Karen and I found out that when we thought of each other as equals that the jealousy went away.  We both cared a lot about each other but Karen would get worried about me finding someone else and such because of her past experiences.  And that was the problem with jealousy, you think about losing someone instead of enjoying the times you have together.  And as far as myself, I explained, "I only want Karen to be happy and Karen is a people person.  If Karen were to find someone else, I still wish for her to be happy even if she wasn't with me.  But we both noticed that neither one of us was happy without the other.  Karen and I were apart for about two years and absence makes the heart grow fonder.  But with Karen being a people person, I know Karen is going to meet other people.  It's Karen's nature to make as many friends as possible and talk to as many people as possible as you've noticed.  Karen would not be happy cooped up by herself with no one but me or herself to talk to.  And Karen and I both realize that the more people we talk to, the more ideas we get, and the better we feel.  But after meeting others and such, we still have that special bond between us where we enjoy coming back to that someone special after we've been away from each other.  We are just so comfortable with each other because we know each other like the backs of our hands.  But that's us and everyone is different, so what works for one may not work for others.  And sometimes it may not work at all and you may need to move on to something that works.  The grass may seem greener on the other side, but a lot of times when you get to the other side, the fertilizer smells funny.  You need to find what works best for you and yours.  And no one likes a smart ass so why does Karen worry about someone taking her old man?"  And Karen would be like, "I know, but I miss you and I don't want to lose you again smart ass."  And we would always throw in, "We found out through our own experiences that when you try and help others you end up helping yourself too.  A lot of times we noticed people were having problems because after being a couple, they didn't really talk too much to other people either because someone was jealous or not enough time or such.  And when you talk to others, you get different ideas as different people have different experiences.  We like it when people share experiences together and learn from each other.  And no matter how much you think you know, there's always someone out there that may know something different that you could learn from."  We got caught too with a question.  Nancy asked Karen and me if we were actually like that at home and I confessed that "Karen and I actually only see each other at the school and not outside school.  We don't really do that stuff to each other."  And of course I would bring up how Karen wasn't feeling too well because of her 'monthly visitor' as she called it, and how I really enjoyed her cuddling up on me and taking naps and such.  I knew she wasn't feeling well and at times I would feel kind of guilty because I was enjoying the fact that we were so comfortable together and we could just cuddle up and fall asleep about anywhere together.  And at times, Karen really didn't understand that I really did enjoy just holding her in my arms and falling asleep together.  Honestly, to this day, Karen is still the only woman that I have been able to fall asleep with.

XII. Cousin Patricia's Graduation

XIII. Conclusion (1981)

What came of this : Karen Carpenter (Edna) and I (Enoch) came together as best we could under the circumstances.  No Methuselah, Lamech, or Noah and after thinking a bit, no Rahula either.  I (Lord Metatron) would definitely rather spend eternity wanting to make out with Karen (Lady Metatron) than have Karen spend an eternity wiping dirt off my cheek.  Karen also pronounced Enoch as Ē nō ch (long e, long o, not a k but a ch sound as in chip as Karen said that one time).  As far as I know, Karen has been the only one with a regressed memory of Edna, Methuselah's mother / mom and therefore I feel her pronounciation of Enoch carries more weight than anyone else's pronounciation or mispronounciation as the case may be.  Buddha is another story as are Karen and Ace too.  Isn't that what life is about, stories?

---------------------------------------------------------------

When : February 4, 1983

Where : Me, Corning, NY / Karen, Downey, CA

Who : Miss Bihuniak (Karen Carpenter)

I. Remembering February 4, 1983

What happened : I did not hear about it that I remember.  I probably did hear about it, but I most likely blanked it out of my mind.  If it was over the school anouncements, it would have been Jay Felli's voice.  I would have been in Corning, NY at the time.  Karen died.  Karen's heart just stopped.  Karen said to me on the day before that her visitor would be starting soon and maybe Karen mixed up pills or possibly was just too underweight to deal with her visitor starting.  Karen usually took Midol for her visitor.  Also, menstrual cycles usually cause nausea and vomiting so taking ipecac syrup sounds a bit far-fetched.  Also, no ipecac syrup container let alone containers as accused anywhere to be found.  Karen was 108 pounds when she died, not 80 or 84 as another said.  That rules out Karen being too underweight.  Karen was nude (actually, Karen told me she preferred the word nude over naked) when her mother found her in her brother’s walk–in closet.  Karen weighed herself once a week (in the nude) on Friday mornings and she had hidden the scales in her brother’s room.  Karen was nude so not sure where the red jogging suit or the Ativan (sedative?) came from in the autopsy report.  No foul play or such.  It was just Karen's time.  Karen's time (number) was up and that was that.  Who knows how long Karen may have been dead before her mother found her, five seconds, five minutes, not too long, but Karen was dead.  They took her to the hospital rather than bring the coroner to the house and all that mess.  Even with a celebrity, they don't bring a person out of a house with a sheet over them on a stretcher unless they are dead.  You can't suffocate a corpse.  No marks or anything to indicate a struggle or foul play.  Like said, Karen's heart just stopped before Karen's mom, Agnes, found her.  And the reason why Karen's mother found her is because Karen had a court date to sign divorce papers and was not downstairs yet.  Cardiac arrest; Karen's heart stopped.  Karen died. 

When my grandfather, Zeke, passed away in 1986, my uncle Gary was an EMT at the time and arrived at my grandfather's house with my grandfather motionless on the couch.  Almost immediately, my uncle said, "I think I just felt a pulse" and they brought the stretcher in and took my grandfather away.  Like my uncle Gary said to me, "I didn't actually get a pulse, but if they pronounce him dead at the hospital or in the ambulance then it isn't as messy.  If a person is found dead in a house then they have to bring in the coroner and the coroner has to try and determine time of death and the cause of death and the body can't be moved and all this other stuff which just gets to be a big headache and a bigger mess than it needs to be especially for an older person.  I had a couple calls where after the husband or wife was declared dead, the wife or husband of the dead person had a heart attack themselves on the spot.  So if we can get the person to the hospital before declaring them dead, especially around older people, the better chance we have of saving someone else if something more happens.  About the only time a person is declared dead on the scene is if the person lived alone, a probable crime scene or the paramedic is a rookie and doesn't know any better."

II. What is meant by Karen's heart just stopped?

(April 8, 2020) Good question.  It has been kind of explained to me what happened only I forgot one part of this.  Anyway, I will try to explain as best as possible so that most people can understand this, myself included.  Karen's Toxicology Report was very interesting for several reasons but the biggest thing that should stand out (and was overlooked by the coroner or whoever prepared the report) is that a condition known as hyperglycemia (high blood sugar) was present.  Not a slight, but HIGH.  A level of 800 or higher is considered very high and a normal level is around 100.  Karen's level was 1106.  Over ten times normal and a definite cause for concern as a level of 800 or more can cause a person to become dizzy and pass out.  On top of this was another cause for concern, Karen's very low potassium level.  The third part of this is what I forgot and I can not remember if it was sodium, iron, nitrogen, or such, but the third part was very low as well in Karen's Toxicology Report.  As the numbers indicated, Karen's heart stopped.  Honestly.  That was what happened.  It has the nickname of "the Death Spike" and is fatal in all cases where this happens as this natural process was what was used as the basis for 'lethal injection'.  The 'spike' is because the body sees something as being wrong and out of balance, so the body produces and releases an enormous amount of glucol (blood sugar) into the system in a short period.  About the best way I can explain this in layman's terms is that Karen's body suddenly produced enough internal glycerine tablets to stop a rhinoceros' heart as it was explained to me.  Glycerine tablets (nitro glycerine) are what are used to lower blood pressure and slow the heart.  The body naturally has a way of producing this.  With the low potassium and other (sodium?) level, it was apparent that Karen's body had produced enough glycerine (tablets) in her system that Karen's heart had stopped and there was no way that anyone could have got her heart to start beating again on its own.  The person explaining this to me also explained that this is usually very sudden and painless.  The person just passes out and dies within 5 minutes as their heart just stops beating.  No chest pains or such.  No physical damage to the heart.  But the process is a natural process that can happen in certain people unexpectedly and without warning.  It can also be a gradual process too with levels adjusting slowly over time.  If Karen had been a rhinoceros or even an elephant, Karen did not stand a chance.  And it was not really diet or medicines or weight or physical damage or such that caused this either.  But that was also why this doctor asked me if I knew what Karen might have had to eat the night before.  Karen had not said that to me, so I didn't know.  But according to other sources, Karen had eaten out at a restaurant the night before and not sure what she ordered (spaghetti possibly?, no idea really).  Karen's body had somehow sent the wrong message at the wrong time internally and that was that.  Instant internal lethal injection.  Gone.  Suddenly and unexpectedly but gone.  Nobody's fault.  These chemical imbalances were also probably the reason why Karen had been having arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) over the years.  Not really a heart attack, coronary, aneurysm, stroke (brain), or such, so not really sure what to call this or what category it might fit under.

(Added on July 3, 2020) And about the autopsy report.  What a mess that is.  (A) EMETINE CARDIOTOXICITY DUE TO AS AS A CONSEQUENCE OF (B) ANOREXIA NERVOSA Anatomical Summary: I. Pulmonary edema and congestion II. Anorexia Nervosa (clinical). III. Cachexia. IV. Distended abdomen. V. Dehydration. VI. Congestion of liver and spleen. VII. Hyperplasia of porta lymph nodes. VIII. Distention of bowel.  A break down is that later Karen's heart is listed as being normal.  Karen has fluid in her lungs (I), Karen weighs 108 pounds which is considered average for a 5'4" female which kind of negates the Anorexia Nervosa (II), Cachexia is a medical term for low birth weight or a preemie but no aneurysm found (III), Distended abdomen (stomach is sticking out) (IV), Dehydration (side affect of diabetes/hyperglycemia, shhh) (V), Congestion of liver and spleen (VI), Hyperplasia of portal lymph nodes (slight swelling of lymph node under jaw, left side, note, not the thyroid) (VII), Distension of bowel which explains distended abdomen in #IV (VIII).  In the toxicology report later it lists Karen's blood sugar level as being over 1100 (a person's average blood sugar level is around 100 so 11 times higher than average yet hyperglycemia [high blood sugar level] is missed by the coroner).  Most people pass out at a blood sugar level around 800 to 900.  A person put to death by 'lethal injection' usually has a blood sugar level between 1300 and 1450.  Yes, 100%, a blood sugar level above 1100 will cause a person's heart to stop beating.  The Emetine level was .46 ml which is roughly the equivalent of a small drop (if that) and as it has never been studied as to how long emetine may stay in a person, no idea how long this small drop of emetine may have been in Karen's system but the drop is listed as 'residua (leftover)' opposed to 'active' or 'recent'.  Cardiotoxicity of a normal heart?  That would actually be a blood sugar level over 1100 which would cause the heart to stop beating but that would be a toxicity to the nerves that tell the heart to beat and not actually toxic to the heart itself.  Karen's heart and aorta are later listed as being normal.  Oops.  And also (for a little levity here), Karen also had athlete's foot (tinea pedis) which she figured she had picked up from taking showers after gym class when she was in middle school in Connecticut which was why Karen opted to take marching band instead of gym class when Karen started going to high school in Downey California.  But unfortunately Karen was not able to tell the coroner this so that the coroner could add that information to the autopsy report.  And Karen had one cavity that was filled too (As Karen later said, “All natural.  Just little old me.  The way God intended me to be plus that one filled cavity because I didn’t brush my teeth good enough after eating DOTS candy at a movie theatre”).  And to add here, Karen was found on her brother’s floor near his walk-in closet.  Karen usually weighed herself in the nude on Friday mornings and I am fairly sure that the weight scales had been hidden in Richard’s room on that Friday.  Someone grabbed a red jump suit (most likely out of Richard’s closet).  Inside this jump suit (that probably had not been worn since most likely the late 1970’s) was found a bottle of I believe Antivan.  Who was taking pills for sleep problems?  What room was Karen found in?  Karen usually wore pastel colors, so red jump suit?  How long had that jump suit been sitting in Richard’s walk-in closet before one of the paramedics, that noticed Karen in the nude, grabbed the jump suit so that Karen might have something to wear after recovery (which Karen didn’t recover but it is the thought here that counts).  The expiration date on those pills was 1/10/83 which is exactly 4 years after Richard was admitted into Meninger's Clinic on 1/10/79.  Yes, fiction writers taking information out of context yet again to try and promote some whacked out story that just does not sound right upon closer examination of the facts.  And another fact, lymph node, not thyroid.  And a bigger note too.  Karen had told me that she had her tattoo of a rose removed (the needle marks near the groin area as that was where the tattoo had been located) I believe around mid January 1983 and during the process, Karen had contracted jaundice (hepatitus).  The lump in her lymph node was because of her tattoo being removed and a ‘dirty’ needle.  I believe it also says that Karen’s thyroid (around the voice box) had been damaged too.  They had put Karen on a life support machine and as stated in the autopsy report, the breathing tube from that machine had been left behind.  The damage to her thyroid was physical and from the breathing tube of the life support machine.

III. February 3, 1983, Karen's phone call to me (@ 8 PM EDST or @ 5 PM Pacific I believe)

On the day before, February 3rd, I had got a phone call from Karen telling me that her divorce came through and asking me to take an overnight bag with a suit, tie, shoes, birth certificate, toothbrush, and something to sleep in into school with me the next day and that Karen would be coming by the school to pick me up.  I also added deodorant too.  The phone call started out with me being downstairs in the basement playing drums I believe to records and my mother or father yells down, "Ace, you have a phone call.  Someone named Karen."  Now, mind you, I rarely got phone calls, maybe once a year and I am like, "Karen who?"  And my parent was like, "How should I know, just pick up the phone."  So I stopped playing drums and answered the phone in a cranky voice, "Hello, who is this?"  And the voice on the other end goes, "That's a fine how do you do, I ought to hang up on you right now.  Karen who.  This is Karen, remember me?  I sure am not going to tell your parents who I am and I shouldn't have to tell you either.  This is Karen, you know, Karen."  And I was like, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you at first and I rarely get a phone call.  Hold on a second because I have a feeling someone is still on the other line."  And then I hear a click and then, "OK, I think we're good.  How've you been?"  And Karen was like, "My divorce goes through tomorrow and I need you to... (and then Karen talks about picking me up the next day and us eloping)".  Karen then goes, "Was that you playing?  You sound a little off."  And I was like, "Yeah, just a second..."  And then I went over to the drums and played a little bit then I kind of shut down and turned off the record player.  Then I picked up the phone and Karen was like, "Was that what I think it was?"  And I was like, "Yeah, monotone.  I have been playing one-handed lately with my left hand to make my right hand jealous so that maybe my right hand might learn to cooperate more.  It's not really working though.  As you can tell I'm healing the stick on the snare which makes a dead hit sound and sounds a bit off.  I'm working on it though."  And Karen was like, "Monotone.  I can't even do that.  Only thirteen people can do that, well I guess fourteen now.  You'll have to show me some time."  I then say, "There is a secret to it that I stumbled upon by accident.  It's more about stick control than speed.  You have to keep the sticks low to the drum head and not too much pressure because you don't want the sticks to bounce off the drum head too much.  I'll definitely show you some time.  Is Richard going to be our best man?"  And Karen said, "Actually, Richard is a little upset at me now.  I have been playing a prank on him about me getting another manager because I need an excuse as to why I am flying out tomorrow.  I have been telling my friends that I have plans to get another manager too so that Richard doesn't get suspicious.  I realize that after we get married that some people might not be too keen on you being my husband because of your age, so I am using this manager story as a reason why I am flying out to New York instead of telling people I am planning to elope with you.  It is going really well so far.  But Richard thinks that I am looking to replace him so Richard is a bit upset at me lately, but he'll get over it."  And I was like, "Oh what a tangled web we weave, but I understand somewhat.  But still, you know how every time we try to be sneaky, something goes haywire.  You have me kind of worried now.  Has anyone asked who this great manager is yet?"  And Karen was like, "Not yet and that's kind of another great part of my plan.  I'll just tell people that Richard is my great manager.  It'll work.  OK, I know it's kind of a flimsy plan, but it can't be helped at the last minute.  It's all I got.  If I told them I was wanting to get married again after all that I went through with Tom they would have me locked up and throw away the key.  I also took most of my money out of my accounts just in case Tom tried to pull a fast one after signing the divorce papers.  Can’t be too cautious you know.  I stuck the money in a shoe box in my closet.  Anyway, after I get back I can explain it all to them.  After all the stuff I went through with Tom, I know that everyone would be really worried about me getting married again so soon.  I really want to get married to you though.  I've waited so long for this.  I miss you so much."  And I was like, "I miss you too, but what makes you think I really want to marry you?  It seems like you've been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle and sowing your wild oats all over the place.  But really you're special to me and not because of your career and such but because of all our wonderful memories we have together.  Remember when we tried sneaking out the back door?  OK, you're right.  I've been miserable without you too.  You got me.  I do."  And Karen was like, "I do too.  I like the sound of that."  And I was like, "Me too.  It sounds great and so do you saying it.  I can't wait until we get to say it to each other in person.  I hope this all works out."  Karen was like, "Me too, otherwise I may need another manager.  But then too, you could earn your keep.  How hard can it be answering the phone once in a while and say yes or no?  That's about all I've ever seen managers do."  Karen also mentioned talking with Phil Ramone and that Phil wanted to work with Karen again.  And I was like, “I bet after the last time.  What was it a half million and he took all your good stuff and gave it to Michael Jackson and left you with not much.  OK, tell you what, as your new manager Phil can produce you so long as we get the cash up front.  Do you think we could live off five million because you know Phil tried to ruin your career before so if we let him back in again we need to consider your career being over if that makes sense.”  And Karen was like, “Perfect sense, but five million is a bit low really, we probably ought to just start out at ten million and if he says no, it jumps to fifteen and more each time.”  And I was like, “Now you’re talking.  Get while the getting’s good.  And if he don’t want to get got, then we’re better off anyway without him.  There are plenty of other fish in the sea.  And besides, you get tired of being used as shark bait all the time.”  And Karen was like, “You got that right.”  Karen also said that she had told Tom over the phone that she didn't care and would give Tom a million if he would just sign the papers and get out of her life.  Karen also said that she would never put that in writing, but she was figuring that Tom was greedy enough to "take the bait" and sign.  Karen then said, "I never told him a million what, just a million."  I am pretty sure that I said, "OK, so Tom gets a couple down jackets, a couple down pillows, and a down blanket.  Maybe just a down mattress even.  A million duck feathers.  Even better, how about a million thank yous for getting out of your life and not trying to make you feel miserable all of the time?  Thank you; thank you; thank you; thank you...  Just make a tape and he can play it as many times as he wants.  That's cool."  And Karen was like, "Actually, Tom said he wasn't interested in the million and he said that if I wanted the divorce that bad that he would just sign the papers and be done with it.  I think it's about the only nice thing I can remember he's done for me since we've been married."  And I was like, "After all the stuff with Tom, if you want a prenuptual agreement, I understand and I definitely would sign it.  You know that all I want is just you anyway, and if you didn't want me anymore; I would leave; no problems.  I'd give you the clothes off my back so that when I left I would have a place to stay after getting arrested for indecent exposure."  And I am pretty sure that Karen said, "Who was your cell mate again?"  And I was like, "Bruce"  (Note, I never was in prison or such, so 'Brooth' aka Bruce was an inside joke between us about being butt raped in prison from 1979 after the 'Max' incident.  Yes, Karen and my odd sense of humor again).  And she was like, "That's right.  Bruce is going to have to find someone else because you are mine.  I figured you would say something like that which is why I plan on getting a house with a big yard and a tall fence that the neighbors can't see over.  That way you can just wander around the yard until you're ready to come back in.  I'll just grab some popcorn and enjoy the show.  Honestly, with what we've been through, we both know that you aren't capable of doing anything that would hurt my feelings, let alone get the cops called on you.  I am not going to let you get away that easily.  I had thought about a prenup, like you said, because of Tom, but you're not Tom.  Tom couldn't break my heart.  If you and I got a divorce, it would honestly break my heart and I know it would break yours too.  I honestly thought about it and after thinking, I don't want a prenup because I honestly don't ever want to think about going through another marriage or divorce again after we get married."  And I am pretty sure I said back, "I agree.  For life and forever."  And I am very sure that Karen said, "I like what you just said and I definitely agree.  Now that we got that out of the way..."  And then I was like, "I got a confession to make because you'd find out anyway because we can see each other's thoughts, but when I was little I had the mumps twice on both sides and at the start of school this year they forced me to take the Measles and Mumps shot and I'm probably sterile."  And Karen was like, "You're not getting out of it that easily.  I've heard about that and we'll just put some ice packs around your testes.  It'll be a bit awkward at first but we'll get used to it.  You know us, we'll figure it out."  And I was like, "Thanks.  Yeah, we'll figure it out.  Ice makes it nice or whatever..."  Karen told me that she had a dog and that she wanted to make it perfectly clear that I was not going to be allowed to spoil her dog.  Karen was like, "I know you and you're not going to spoil (him / her)."  And I was like, "Please, just a little.  You know I love dogs, not that way, but you know."  And Karen giggled and said, "I know, but no.  You are not spoiling (him / her); that's final.  (He / She) sleeps on the floor."  And I was like, "I'm sitting here naked talking, how about you?"  And Karen was like, "Me too."  And then I go, "You and me make horrible liars but it was worth a shot."  And we both started laughing.  Karen asked me if I "drove stick" and I said "No, not yet."  And Karen was like, "Well my car is stick so I'll have my cousin Wendy pick me up and get me at the airport (and I am pretty sure Karen said "in Rochester") but maybe I'll teach you later."  I told her that I would need to drop off my car at the house before we left and that she could follow me there.  We would then take a blood test together and wait in a hotel room for two days and then see a Justice of the Peace.  Karen said that she wanted our marriage to be just plain and simple like us.  We agreed.  No big fanfare or such, just us.  It wasn't because of her previous marriage or such, it was just that we were not really wanting anything elaborate ourselves.  A big wedding just wasn't us.  Karen also warned me that her visitor (menstrual cycle) would be starting soon.  We also talked about Karen's "public image" and that Karen was tired of the business trying to push this 'sex appeal' and 'sex sells' stuff.  Karen was wanting to stay with her 'girl next door' image.  Karen was never one to show off and such and she was always body conscious to begin with.  Karen wanted to stay with being just plain Karen with the freckles.  Karen was tired of being thought of as a 'barbie doll' and wanted to be thought of as someone that was more than just looks.  I commented back that I always thought Karen was her "most beautiful as the girl next door" anyway and that the 'sexy' image made Karen seem 'trashy'.  Karen knew I was never the jealous type anyway and I wanted Karen to appear sexy and desirable and beautiful, not cheap and trashy and just out for a good time.  But business is business.  And Karen and I both agreed that Karen's public image was Karen's own business to do with as she wished and it was best if I just stayed in the background.  Karen said, "If asked, I liked your most beautiful as the girl next door comment, but try to stay away from that trashy talk stuff.  I know what you meant, but others might take it the wrong way."  And I was like, "I know what you mean and I agree.  Keep it simple in public.  Keep it positive and avoid put downs and such that can be taken the wrong way."  And she was like, "I know you'll do alright.  You've always had a good head on your shoulders about that kind of stuff."  Karen also talked about being in New York for about a year and her experience there.  And before the rest of this here I need to try and sort some stuff out that Karen and I talked about coming up here.  First, as far as Karen herself, in this, some very strange things happened that Karen talked about and because Karen didn't know all the details, Karen couldn't say for sure just that she knew something wasn't right about Itchie and Levenkron.  And Itchie and Levenkron here as Karen was caught in the middle of something and neither her nor I knew the rest of this that is coming up at the time and I only had what Karen had told me in this conversation to go on here.  I did, however, get some information indirectly, but without a direct answer from Itchie or Levenkron (which won't ever happen) I can say what happened, but I still don't know exactly the reason(s) why only there are some major problems there.  First, later Karen mentions the pill incident when she checked into Levenkron's clinic with just Karen, Itchie and Levenkron there.  Karen is correct in that they weren't her pills.  Not mentioned by Karen (as it probably didn't happen) was other pill finding events (as elsewhere since then was a mention by Itchie saying she found pills in Karen's room and took them to Levenkron.  Karen didn't have pills outside aspirins, Pamprins or Midols in New York City).  What has also popped up has been that supposedly the name on these pill bottles was Karen Burris.  Note, Karen never had identification for a Karen Burris and to pick up prescriptions in the 1980s, you needed identification.  On top of that is the date on that pill bottle of August 1981 and the story of Karen saying that she took 10 pills a day.  Bullsh*t.  There is no way a pill bottle dated August 1981 would have a prescription for a Karen Burris at 10 pills a day lasting until January 1982 or such.  Karen did tell me she was forced to sign a paper about it when she checked into the clinic in January 1982 (and on that paper was a listing of six items that Karen had no idea what those six items were) and Karen says later that she was also threatened to be taken to Bellevue Hospital if she tried to say anything so she kept quiet and just signed the paper but also since she was being accused of being a liar if she spoke up, Karen said she became a liar as Karen was one if you were going to accuse her of something, she was going to do it rather than being falsely accused.  And another thing, there honestly were not any pills or such in Karen's condo or her room after she passed away.  I am pretty sure that Richard checked and I know that Karen's place was clean.  With Karen passing away suddenly and such, Richard wanted to make sure that if there was something that it was found that might explain why Karen passed away so suddenly.  There wasn't anything to find unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you want to look at this.  But with finding something, Karen passing away suddenly would be easier to explain, but honestly, there wasn't anything there so it was a bit more difficult to accept the suddenness I guess you could say.  There wasn't any cover up or such as if there had been ipecac or such found, then that could help explain it, but like said, nothing.  Karen's condo and her room were clean.  Richard's red jogging suit had the AntiVax or AntiVan or whatever from the late 1970s in the pocket.  As far as Itchie, Karen was around Itchie to make sure that they didn't try to sneak off and release Karen's solo album somehow behind Karen's back.  After so many incidents (1979 to 1982), Karen did not trust Itchie or Phil at all and as Richard had said to Karen in mid May 1979, "in business, you keep your friends close but your enemies closer so you know what they are up to".  Karen did NOT want her solo album released as she didn't want to deal with the adverse publicity as Karen was not looking to ever leave her brother or the Carpenters group or hear rumors in the tabloids or newspapers about it either.  Karen had told me that in 1982, her and Itchie had an argument and during that argument Karen asked Itchie the “64 thousand dollar question” as it was called back then.  Karen said she just came out and asked Itchie if Itchie had been trying to get Karen fired from A&M Records.  Itchie never answered that question according to Karen on February 3, 1983.  So, yeah, some really screwed up and messy situations here that Karen was dealing with.  As far as Levenkron, you have to be able to prove it.  Had Levenkron never came forward after Karen passed away, it would have been a moot issue.  But Levenkron did go public and stuff between a patient and a client is supposed to stay between that patient and client.  That was broken in 1993 beyond repair with Levenkron doing the "A Current Affair" show.  With the patient / client confidentiality broken by Levenkron there in 1993, hopefully privately Richard sued Levenkron's a** off over that (and since it would be a legal proceeding, kept quiet and should remain that way whether a lawsuit was actually filed or not).  But yes, one big mess here and I know Karen felt stuck between a rock and a hard place with Levenkron and Itchie and Phil.  The truth lies in honesty and there is never a big mess with honesty.  But information one way checks out whereas other information is a mess and I have seen stories change on one side, but not the other.  Truths check out, stories don't check out and stories tend to change over time.  After going over the autopsy later here, the truth about Karen's room and condo checks out.  The stories about Karen RECENTLY taking pills and ipecac don't check out.  The ipecac was in Karen's liver and not in her blood so it was not recent (and no one knows how long that stuff stays in the system, but with it being only in the liver, it was not recent and could have been anywhere from a couple weeks to 3 months or even longer before, but not recent within the last week or so as no emetine was found in her blood, just her liver and had gone through her system).  It is what it is, a mess to try and sort out here.  But what I feel needs to be stated by me here is that there were definite problems as far as this situation with Karen and Itchie and Levenkron.  I would honestly hope that this is an isolated incident and with Karen's celebrity status involved, I would hope that stories and trying to spread rumors and such that don't pan out would stop and not be attempted again.  An author (not a doctor or MD or PhD) which raises more eyebrows on my part here considering these questionable circumstances and hoping lessons learned as I am not liking what I see with this mess but it is what it is and rather than blame or such, just hoping that no one should ever have to go through something again like what I wrote about here.  And honestly, had Levenkron never gone on "A Current Affair" in 1993, I would have never felt the need to write this and I would have left this part out which is the real mess here because as stated, information is supposed to be kept confidential and it looks bad to me for the leaker when that information isn't kept confidential.  And then the Itchie stuff on top of this increases my skepticism even more.  As far as Karen and Synthroid.  You are kidding, right?  You're not?  Well, let me put it this way, hypothyroidism is marked by fatigue where the thyroid is not producing enough hormone and thusly the heart does not beat as fast.  Hyperthyroidism is where there is an overabundance of thyroid hormone being produced which would cause the heart to beat faster.  Synthroid and other type hormone supplements for the thyroid are for treating hypothyroidism.  Taking Synthroid would speed up the heart rate for a short while, not stop it.  Karen's heart stopped.  NO, Karen had not been taking Synthroid or other such medications if her heart stopped as the heart rate would elevate slightly but then return to normal not just stop.  Now back to the program here.  Karen said something like, "I was in your neck of the woods and I had an apartment in New York City for a year and I was looking to see the author, Steven Levenkron.  It was all over the papers.  I was looking to sow my wild oats, so to speak, and I still remember you saying that to me.  That was funny.  Probably my third best memory of you.  My second best of course is when you sang Close To You with the trumpet sounds and all of that.  That was great.  But my greatest was when we had our first real kiss, not that other junk that happened.  I just melted.  I really loved his book and I wanted to meet him.  He is nothing like his book would suggest.  He is a manipulator.  He is more of a manipulator than Thomas ever thought of being.  He is a master manipulator.  When I first checked in he dumped the contents of my purse out and you know my purse, I just had a couple pads, a few aspirins, a couple Pamprin, some laxatives, my wallet and pictures and tissues and makeup and stuff.  Nothing bad really.  You know me.  I have nothing to hide.  Next thing I know, I'm a kleptomaniac that I don't know about and it looks like I had been raiding people's medicine cabinets while sleepwalking as well evidently.  I had no idea what this stuff was, but I have a list from the paperwork he gave me and we can look it up sometime."  And I was like, "Do they have the iris system out there, because I have an iris library card now if needed."  And Karen said, "Yeah we have iris out here too.  We can try it when you get out here.  It should work.  I know there were only three of us in that room and I know I didn't put that stuff in there."  And I was like, "What about the hallway or the elevator?"  And Karen was like, "No one in the hallway, but there were a couple men behind us in the elevator on the way up but they were back a little ways and not right behind us.  Steven then told me that if I tell anyone about this that he will call me a liar in front of the whole group and sign papers to have me committed to Bellevue.  And you know me when people accuse me of things.  I'm not going to let people accuse me of things if they aren't true.  He threatened to call me a liar so I became a liar.  He strung me along for a year and I finally got my visit from him.  After my visit from Steven, and he let me call him Steven, I left about three and a half months ago after being in the hospital again.  [Somebody] dared me to drink a case (six pack?) of ipecac and you know me and my dares.  No one is going to call me chicken.  So I ended up in the hospital before I left.  I can only imagine what the people there thought about me in the therapy sessions.  I just made up a bunch of stuff for the therapy sessions.  People aren't supposed to talk about that stuff outside of the group meetings and so I had a little fun with it and made up some wild stories.  So if you hear some rumors about me that don't seem true, they aren't.  Just consider the source and if the source is someone from the looney bin, you'll know.  I also had a breakdown while I was there.  A meltdown actually.  It was supposed to be a meeting with just me and my family but Itchie knew about it too.  I don't know how Itchie knew about it, but she did.  It was just awful.  And of course they tried to blame it all on my family again and they tried to force me and my mom to hug again.  Another setup and of course they keep trying to blame my family for it.  Like I said back when, my mom is not a hugger; my mom is a thinker.  But what do I know?  I just started crying because the way they treated my mom and my brother was horrible.  I didn't blame them for leaving after that.  I wished I could have left with them too, but I'd signed the papers.  I figured Steven would have me committed to Bellevue if I told him and Itchie what I really thought of them after what they did to me and my family that day.  I just kept my mouth shut after that.  My family left and I was all alone again with no one that really cared about me.  After my meltdown, I went to a very deep, dark place and I didn't care anymore.  I don't suggest going there.  It is not a good place.  Evil Karen lives there.  There is nothing good that survives there.  Not even you."  And I was like, "I was there with you.  I know.  Evil Ace, remember?"  And Karen was like, "How could you be there, what have you ever done that was evil?"  And I was like, "Remember Max against the wall and all that, then my backing Phil and Itchie into a corner so that you stayed until the end of school, and of course Tom avoiding us at the graduation ceremonies.  I know my mom was a virgin when I was born but how soon we forget that, like you, I'm not exactly Mr. goody two shoes all the time."  And Karen was like, "I remember now.  The arm that reached in and pulled me out.  That WAS you that brought me back.  Thanks."  And I was like, "Don't mention it.  Really, don't.  I like the surprised looks on people's faces when they meet Evil Ace for the first time and become scared sh*tless."  And Karen was like, "Don't worry, I won't mention it.  I like seeing the surprised looks on their faces too.  Anyway, after that I was focused on just do whatever and get out of there.  It's all marketing and advertising and that kind of stuff with slogans and gimmicks and such and none of that stuff works with me.  I'm not really a motivated person if you remember correctly.  What finally got me to stop was when I thought back to you and when you quit smoking.  You just came right out and said that you needed to quit because you had better things to do than waste your time smelling like an ashtray so you quit smoking.  I was so proud of you which is why I started crying that one time if you remember.  You chose me and I never asked you to choose; you just did it on your own.  And I was so proud of you because you chose me.  Not the superstar, me.  You wanted to be with me."  And I was like, "That was a real no brainer.  I just looked at you and I wanted to kiss and hold you so bad and I had this stupid thing sticking out of my mouth, so I quit.  It was that easy."  Then she said, "I realized I had better things to do than to worry about losing weight and ending up in the looney bin again, so I quit worrying about losing weight.  It's been working so far.  I told myself that I am only going to step on the scales once a week and I'm sticking to it.  I weigh myself on Friday mornings.  Anyway, Steven told me that he wasn't interested in me and it showed.  I got more satisfaction from my little pinky than from him.  Don't worry, he doesn't hold a candle compared to you."  And if you know me I couldn't help but say, "Can I hold the candle too.  It sounds like fun.  Twisting it around and around and in and out and..."  And she started to laugh a little over the phone and she was like, "No candles.  No artificial ingredients or preservatives.  Just little old me.  You know me.  Remember the auditorium?"  And I was like, "How could I forget that.  We knocked over the cymbals and then...  Front row center.  We forgot where we were and then someone opened the door and we both had that oops look on our faces because we forgot where we were.  That works too I guess.  Are you sure?"  And Karen was like, "I'm positive."  And then I was like, "What about a jack hammer to make your teeth rattle?"  And Karen was like, "No.  My teeth are fine and I want them to stay that way."  And we both laughed again.  And I was like, "I miss seeing you laugh."  And Karen was like, "I miss you too, but we'll see each other tomorrow."  I also asked Karen if she wanted me to bring a bib for when we drooled in our sleep at the hotel and she said her favorite words, "Smart ass".  We also sang, "Row row row your boat" together over the phone for a little bit.  Karen also told me that her and Richard were going to start touring again soon so it would be a short honeymoon.  Karen never showed up.  The last part of our conversation was about Karen’s big secret.  Karen’s biggest secret was that when she met people she would tell them a secret and see who ‘blabbed’ about it.  Karen learned this from her mom.  If someone blabbed, no more secrets and Karen would hide stuff from those that blabbed or, like her husband, those who weren’t honest with her to begin with, Karen would hide stuff from them too.  The last part of our phone call before Karen hung up was a bit odd.  Karen said, “I can tell by your voice and you can probably tell by my voice that I’m a little nervous too.  Like you, I remember that when we try to be sneaky, something always seems to go wrong.  You know about me and my secrets and you are the one who holds my secrets as I have about 10 secrets from Richard now which you know.  The shoe box in the closet, my hair dresser, us eloping, my Bible stash, that past life stuff, the therapy stuff, Max and Tom.  Actually, you know all but but one or two of my secrets [slight pause] thinking about it, you know them too don’t you?”  And I was like, “Yup, but don’t worry those are safe with me too.”  And then Karen continued, “If something should happen to me or go wrong, you know how I feel about blabbing, I give you permission to blab if needed.  I leave that up to you.  As you know, I trust you and I feel you wouldn’t tell unless it was necessary.  Is that clear?”  And I was like, “Crystal clear.”  And then I said, “We’ve talked a while so we probably ought to go so you and I can get some rest for our day tomorrow.  Who am I kidding, we’re both excited and we both aren’t going to sleep anyway and we both know it.”  And Karen was like, “I’m fine.  I’m a little tired because my visitor will be starting soon but I’ll be fine.”  And then Karen and I both at the same time, “Love you too.  Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”  And we both hung up.  The area code for the call would have been (607).  The area code for Karen's cousin Wendy and Lois the secretary would have been (607) too.

IV. February 4, 1983 my recollection

I was at school in Corning NY and I had got a call from Karen the day before.  The secretary, Lois, said she had got a call from Karen as well and that she was the one that gave Karen my phone number to call as it was after school hours.  The secretary at school saw me in the hallway during lunch and called me into the office and asked, "Is that Karen on the TV?" as the secretary saw it on the news on TV in the office.  The news clip was showing the ambulance with Karen under the sheet being transported and I believe after that it said something about neighbors seeing a tall lanky unidentified man running down the street afterwards (but it has been a while).  And I think I said something like, "well it looks like she won't be picking me up later after school."  And then I said something like, "Why are all the kids out in front of the trophy case?"  And the secretary said, "Don't you remember, that's the couple's hangout and you and Karen started that during final exams in 1981?"  And I was like, "I kind of forgot about that stuff.  It's been a while."  And she was like, "Sorry about Karen. she was such a sweetheart and I know you two were very close.  Are you going to be all right?"  And I think I said something like, "It's been so long since Karen and I were around each other that I've kind of forgot what all right was like.  I guess I'll manage.  I probably ought to be heading to class,  Thanks for letting me know.  Are you going to be all right?"  And she was like, "I'm fine, but you look kind of green around the gills."  And I was like, "I'll survive I guess.  How much worst could it get?"  And then I left and went to my next class after lunch.

I am pretty sure later that day (about 95%) but it could have possibly been the Monday afterwards (maybe 5% if that).  Anyway, I got paged down to the office and when I came in there was Karen's brother Richard.  Richard was furious and the minute I came in he was like, "Well, it looks like your little plot was foiled.  I pulled the plug on her a little while ago.  How do you feel about that?"  And I believe I was like, "What plot?"  And Richard was like, "You know what plot.  I pulled the plug and it ain't gonna happen.  They had these tubes down her throat and I knew she was done.  Even if they had been able to revive her, the tubes down her throat would have made it so that she couldn't sing any more.  I did it.  I pulled the plug on her.  She's gone.  How does that make you feel?"  And I said, "I can imagine how tough that was for you.  She would have been alright without talking or singing, but I honestly think that Karen would not have wanted to spend the rest of her life hooked up to a machine."  And I raised my voice and I said again I believe, "What plot?"  And I am pretty sure Richard said, "Come on.  Bring it on.  Get good and mad so I can have a good reason to finish you off.  I know about your plot to take advantage of my sister and be her manager and take her for everything she's got.  Well it ain't gonna happen now is it?  I pulled the plug.  It's over.  Your little plot is done."  And I was like, "OK, I know we're both hurting right now and you're angry and I'm numb because we both lost our best friend, but before either of us do something really stupid..."  And the next part I am kind of still trying to remember but I continued with something like, "How am I going to be her manager when I haven't even graduated high school yet?  Didn't you think it was odd that she never said who this big manager was?  Karen was playing a joke on you and the big manager she was talking about was you.  Karen and I were going to elope and she didn't want you to know about it for whatever reason.  I told her to tell you about it, but obviously she didn't.  I don't know why.  I didn't get a chance to ask her."  And Richard was like, "I can see your point, and that explains her plane tickets to Las Vegas, but how does the fact that I pulled the plug on her make you feel?"  And I believe I was like, "How does it make me feel?  Terrible.  You got to see her.  I couldn't write to her, talk to her or see her because she was married.  How do you think that makes me feel?  It hurts.  Oh God it hurts."  And the waterworks (crying) started with me and I think I put my head down in my arms.  Not a major cry, but enough to have Lois, the secretary, hand me some tissues and say something like, "Now see what you did to him." or something like that.  And I think I said something back to Lois like, "He's fine.  He just lost his sister and he needs to say what he needs to say.  I need to say what I need to say too" or something like that.  And while Lois and I were doing that, I believe Richard shed a few tears himself and then he continued with something like, "You gonna cry like a little baby.  Come on cry.  She needs someone to cry over her now.  Maybe it's you.  Her husband isn't crying, he's more worried about if he's going to have a place to spend the night if we take the house away from him.  He definitely ain't gonna cry unless we take the house away.  He never cared about her.  I already cried on my way here on the plane just like you.  I bawled my eyes out like you and then I realized that she would want us to be strong and go on without her.  Let's see what you're made of.  You're just like all the others and when it gets real you bail out on her.  She needed a real man.  Look at you now.  A cry baby."  And then Richard was like, "It's just you and me.  Don't bail out on me now.  Please don't cry on me now.  Come on.  I didn't mean it like that.  I know you wouldn't be crying just now if you didn't have feelings for her."  And I was like, "She's gone and there's nothing we can do about it.  Do you have any papers for me to sign or whatever, because I never wanted anything from your sister, just her.  That's it and she knew it.  Nothing else mattered to me.  Just her.  Whatever you want me to sign, I'll sign it."  I am pretty sure Richard had some papers for me to sign, but I honestly do not remember for sure what they were about now.  I do know that my thoughts were along the lines of about the only thing left of interest to me might be to be buried or interred or whatever next to her.  And thinking of being buried next to Karen...  I am very sure now on Christmas 2019 that Richard and I did discuss this as I remember now Richard mentioning something about it being an amendment or a rider to Karen's will and Richard making the comment of, "I figured that you didn't have the guts and you would chicken out on that."  And my comment back of, "I don't mind being buried next to Karen, it's being possibly next to you that bothers me.  I wouldn't mind being thrown in the same casket as her, no problem.  But chances are that you and I would argue throughout eternity and I don't want that and I don't think you want that either, do you?" or something similar.  And I believe Richard said, "Touché.  Maybe you've got some balls after all.  Come on this is for all the marbles" or something like that.  And I believe I continued, "In all seriousness, I would love to be buried next to your sister, but if this is going to cost extra, I'm not interested."  And I think Richard said something like, "This would cost a pretty penny but I leave it up to you.  It is my sister's last wishes." or such and I am pretty sure I said something like, "I'm not really interested in money or any of that, so it's not really about money anyway with me, but me being buried next to Karen could keep her will tied up for decades.  That isn't fair to you and your family.  No closure.  I'm not interested in that, do you have papers for me to sign off on that?"  And then I believe Richard handed me a blank piece of paper and said something like, "If my sister could only see you now.  Look at you.  Obviously my sister saw more in you than I did until just now.  As you know my sister was the kind that would give up everything she had just so that others didn't have to suffer.  I just saw you do the same thing.  I see what she saw in you and I know you would have made a great husband for her.  I remember you now.  You weren't in love with the superstar, you were in love with her.  After all she went through with her husband you must be something really special for her to even consider getting married again.  And I can see she was right.  [And he smirked] Either that or my sister was completely nuts (off her rocker?), but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that.  You failed my test, but you passed her test with flying colors and I see why now.  You were willing to give up spending an eternity next to my sister so that me and my family didn't have to suffer.  I'm touched.  I'm deeply touched.  And what a crock.  But if there was someone that deserves to rest next to my sister for eternity, it's you.  I honestly wish that piece of paper wasn't blank and was for real because I wouldn't have let you sign off on it.  I wouldn't mind putting you there myself" (and honestly, Richard said it in a way to infer that he would feel better if his sister had someone resting next to her for eternity or forever, whichever comes last and not like he was wanting to kill me or whatever) or something like this.  My thoughts were I wouldn't mind being next to Karen after I pass away but let me pay for it or something because it would be my funeral and such.  Even back then I couldn't see myself finding someone I cared about more than Karen.  I knew that wasn't happening.  I knew the love of my life was gone and I wasn't going to find another even back then.  I also know that I still love her whether we get buried or whatever together or not.  I am not positive on Richard's thoughts but I had a feeling he thought I was trying to back out of being with his sister since his sister was dead now.  I also don't know for sure, but I think Richard may have actually been looking for a way to tie up Karen's will so that it couldn't be settled since Richard really did not need Karen's money or such and Thomas Burris seemed so uncaring.  Sure, I can try to think of what Richard might have been thinking now, but my mind was just drawing blanks back then and I never thought to ask Richard what he may have been thinking.  Karen passed away unexpectedly and Richard and I were both emotional and not thinking too well.  It was just a mess.  And honestly, if I wasn't messed up, why didn't I just come out and say, "I have nothing else to look forward to without your sister, sign me up and send me the bill" or whatever instead of beating around the bush like I did.  It wasn't really our faults either.  It was just the way things happened.  We were both upset.  Things never go well when people are upset.  And we didn't have a choice.  Karen was dead and that was it.  Done.  Over.  No second chances.  No do overs.  Gone like that.  February 1, 2021 and I kept thinking there was something else and there was.  Richard also had a list of personal items that Karen had left to others.  On this list was Karen's record collection and stuff like that.  On this list also was an entry for 'Adrian Dowling' I believe and "To Adrian Dowling I leave... my everlasting love." or something to that effect (with very romantic stuff written between leave and my).  After Richard had handed me the blank paper he pulled out the list and he had me sign the list and the secretary, Lois Crandell, was a notary public and notarized it as well.  As far as I know that list has never been made public, but I don't remember exactly what Karen wrote as I was getting a little teary eyed when Richard had me read it and it was happy tears, not sad tears.  May 12, 2020 and at the end of our talk Richard had three questions.  The first question Richard had was if I would be interested in a dog.  Yes, I was interested, but I couldn't as there was no one at the house that could take care of Mush, so I had to turn it down.  And the second, Richard asked if I might possibly know where Karen hid her money from her accounts and I think I answered, in a shoe box in her closet and I think Richard called up his mom and I think his mom said she found it.  Third question, do you know of any place that has red roses.  Richard had called and checked every place within a 50 to 100 mile radius of Los Angeles and everyone was out of red roses as it was close to Valentine's day.  The area I live in, Corning to Rochester New York was bone dry too, but we tried.  Richard put out an APB (All Points Bulletin) on flower shops through the shops in Los Angeles and in the end Richard had to go with yellow roses as there weren't any red roses to be had since Karen's funeral was so close to Valentine's day.  And then of course we had a talk about possibly attending Karen's funeral on Tuesday the 8th...

V.  Karen's last prank

December 24, 2019 and I finally remember what others have been talking about.  Karen was going to be getting a divorce from Tom Burris (again, Tom wished to be called Thomas as it sounded more distinctive I guess.  But after the mess in their marriage and divorce I prefer Tom myself so as hopefully his wishes don't come true.  But then too, you don't teach people how not to be mean by being mean yourself, so I apologize).  Before Karen passed away, Karen was looking to play a practical joke on her brother, Richard.  Karen had told her closest friends and even Richard himself, that Karen would be flying out to New York and then Karen was going to be getting the best manager she could get.  This had several reasons behind it.  A big reason was that Karen had just got done with a messy divorce with Tom Burris and if Karen had even suggested that she was wishing to get married again, they probably would have locked Karen up and threw away the key as Karen actually said that to me.  It was a joke, but also a diversion too.  Karen told me that Richard was very upset about this and that her joke was going according to plan when Karen called me on February 3, 1983.  The truth was that Karen was flying out to get me and that Karen and I were going to elope.  When Karen got back, Karen was going to tell certain people that she found the best manager she could ever hope for, her brother Richard.  Unfortunately, Karen passed away before the 'joke' got revealed.  Even more unfortunately, Karen is not around any more to expose this joke herself, however, think about it - there is a reason why Karen never mentioned who this great manager was to anyone.  Karen was not looking to go out on her own or such.  Karen was playing a joke on Richard and unfortunately, Karen passed away before this joke got exposed for the joke it was.  If Karen had actually been looking to leave Richard and go out on her own, she would have said who this great manager was.  The truth was that Karen was going to say Richard was her great manager.  And another unfortunately, as stated, I did not remember this until December 24, 2019.  I could not remember this prank or joke, only that I knew for sure that Karen had always told me that Karen always wished to work with her brother.  I forgot about Karen telling me about the prank she was pulling on her brother just before she passed away.  I only remember now because I remember Richard coming to Corning NY using the tickets from Karen's Holy Bible stash and Richard being very upset at me when he arrived.  And I remember now on Christmas eve 2019, that I had said to Richard when he came to Corning on February 4, 1983, "It was a joke.  There was a reason why Karen never said who this manager was."  But I think I may have stopped short of saying to Richard, "It was you." but maybe not.  It sure wasn't an 18 year old that hadn't finished high school yet and I probably would have done a GED (Government Equivalency Diploma) instead of graduating with my class in 1983.  But now I remember why all of this stuff started after Karen passed away.  Karen had told people (Olivia Newton-John, many others) about her getting another manager, but Karen never had the chance to explain that it was meant to be a joke on her brother.  So after 35+ years, someone finally remembers that this was supposed to be a joke, but the jokester passed away before she could say the punch line.  Karen was looking to elope with me and then bring me back with her and then announce that her brother Richard was this great manager that Karen was talking about while saying to others that I was Karen's new manager.  This 'joke' also served another purpose.  In all honesty, when Karen and I were together, people did not really notice an age difference between us.  We were almost 15 years apart in actuality,  Some people might look at the age difference and think that Karen was 'robbing the cradle' or she had a 'boy toy' and such.  As a precaution with certain people, Karen thought that introducing me as her manager might be better than "this is my husband".  In all seriousness, I was not looking to be Karen's manager nor was Karen looking to have me be her manager neither.  An 'easy out' as we used to call it.  So it was a kind of practical joke, but it could also be used as a 'cover up' if the need arose.  I know Richard and Olivia would have definitely known about our marriage.  I'm not so sure about others (including 'mom and dad').  That was kind of Karen's decision.  Karen is not around to ask any more.

VI. February 8, 1983 The Funeral

For some odd reason now on December 19, 2019 I am starting to remember possibly something related to a talk about going to Karen's funeral on Tuesday, February 8th.  Like Karen warned me, "Ace, you really should keep a diary".  I have a feeling it may have been on Friday when Karen passed away, but it could have been on Monday, February 7th, the day before the funeral.  I do kind of remember I think Richard showing up at the high school and having me paged to the office at the school I believe.  The rest is really fuzzy as you can imagine, I was really kind of out of it after hearing about Karen passing away on the news at the office.  I remember Richard and I talking about going to the funeral and I remember thinking or saying that it would be a bad idea because of the media coverage and such.  I had an order of suppression still enforceable against me by the office of the Archdeacon of Canterbury and I remember thinking about a bunch of goons just taking cameras and removing the film and smashing video cameras and stuff like that.  I think that I remember Richard saying something like I could probably be isolated so as to not get caught up in the media coverage and such and then maybe after all that I could probably pay my respects in private without others around.  The office of the Archdeacon was definitely very adamant about my image not appearing anywhere nationally or internationally in the news at the time.  And I knew they meant business too and they would have people there making sure that any pictures or videos or such bearing me were destroyed.  If I was there, definite big headaches.  If I wasn't there, well, no problems that I was aware of other than a couple onlookers that were there to make sure I didn't have any pictures taken of me at the funeral that I did not attend.  I honestly do not remember anything legal being discussed between Richard and me (well, at midnight December 20th I am thinking maybe a possible cemetery plot or something being discussed, but I am thinking that this discussion about a cemetery plot probably did not happen.  Just one of those pop into your head 'did this possibly happen' rather than my usual 'this definitely happened' that ends with an extended topic somewhere.  I am thinking that I am thinking this not because an actual offer was there, but more because it would be about the only thing I would have been interested in at the time was to rest in peace next to Karen)  but I do remember thinking that my even being anywhere near Karen's funeral because of that gag order on me would definitely be a bad idea for Karen's funeral and anyone attending Karen's funeral.  I did not go.  I stayed in Corning NY.  I did not want to take a chance of making a mess out of Karen's funeral because of all the gag order stuff possibly creating all kinds of problems that I didn't want, nor did Richard nor anyone else.  I guess when your mom was a virgin when you were born sometimes you can expect you will have to sacrifice yourself for others.  This was such a time.  I don't remember ever bawling my head off after Karen died.  I know if I had gone to the funeral, I would have probably hugged the casket and bawled my eyes out and made a big scene and such.  I believe the offer to have me attend the funeral was made in person by Richard, but I know for certain that I did not attend Karen's funeral.  And if I remember correctly, had I been there, I would not have known who she was as I believe I lost my memories of her on the night of Monday, February 7, 1983 after I recieved a vision of Karen while just sitting in my room that evening around 7 to 8 PM.

VII. Thinking about Karen's death

As far as Karen's death itself.  I wasn't personally there, however this I know for sure...  Richard saying that Karen's eyes were hollow and lifeless and that Karen did not look too well was probably true.  Karen and I had been away from each other for about a year and a half and my eyes were about the same as Karen's honestly.  Karen and I missed each other a lot.  In 11th grade (September 1981 to June 1982) I had ran away from home 4 times just because I didn't care any more and I just needed to get away from everyone else because I was driving everyone else crazy (at the house and in school).  I had a racist english teacher in 11th grade (I am part native american aka savage) and I won the war with him by getting an 80 on the final exam.  There were also a few racist students that I was having problems with as well.  I had found real and true love with Karen, but it seemed like everyone else kept trying to make me feel miserable and angry.  I didn't want to feel miserable or angry, so there were a lot of problems.  I also realized that if I killed these racists, even though they would have deserved it, I would have got 25 to life and I would have not been able to see Karen if that had happened and I was definitely close a couple times.  And Karen and I kept our promise not to see each other until after she got a divorce so that neither of us got accused of anything.  My parents and my sister just did not understand that I really did not care and that I was tired of dealing with a bunch of racists at school.  Karen and I always helped each other feel better and we were both going through 'withdrawals' so to speak.  While I was going through what I was going through, Karen had her problems too dealing with a messy divorce from a guy that kept trying to make her feel miserable too.  Karen did die and most people thought I was a zombie in all honesty in 1983.  I looked kind of bad in 1981 before seeing Karen again for that short week, but from 1981 to 1983 I just kept looking worst and worst to the point where in August 1983, I literally could not keep my head up straight any more.  I graduated in June 1983 and the pictures my parents took were all horrible with my head leaning over in every picture.  I was going to college in 1983 and they took 6 pictures of me for my Sheriff's ID card and my head at 30 degrees from straight up was as good as it got.

Karen also did not get a chance to sign and finalize her divorce papers.  Karen was planning on signing at the court around 9 AM that morning.  I guess Karen’s official time of death was 9:51 AM.  As such, technically Thomas Burris would inherit Karen’s estate.  Karen did have a will in place and I believe it had been updated in 1981 at the time when Karen knew that her and Thomas were going to be getting a divorce.  Karen left the house and a couple things to Thomas, but the bulk of Karen’s estate went to her family.  And after taxes and such it was not very much leftover I imagine.  Karen had also done her solo album, the wedding, and Thomas had used a lot of money buying a cheap house in need of repairs, then not being able to fix up that house, then getting fined for having a bad house that wasn’t up to code.  The real estate development developed into a financial mess.  Karen had also pulled the money out of her accounts so that Thomas couldn’t make a quick withdrawal before the divorce happened just in case.  But also Richard got left holding the bag after Karen passed away.  The extra money from Karen’s estate would mean extra taxes at a higher rate.  Richard already had enough money as it was but he also didn’t want Thomas getting much as when Karen passed away like Richard told me, “He ain’t going to cry unless we take the house away from him…  He never cared about her…”  Richard did have Thomas sign a type of suppression order which actually helped Thomas as it kept Thomas from being able to talk publicly about Karen.  Thomas couldn’t talk publicly so Thomas couldn’t get accused of saying things and since Thomas couldn’t say things publicly, the press couldn’t try and twist that stuff around.  The nice part also is that Thomas was able to just walk away and not have to worry about publicity and such.  Thomas couldn’t talk about it publicly.  On another hand, Richard also had the mess with me.  I was underaged when Karen and I met but also my name and picture were blocked from being made public by the order of suppression issued on me by the Archdeacon of Canterbury, Bernard Pawley, and his assistant Sir Nicholas Born.  How do you tell people that your sister was planning on eloping with an 18 year old guy that you can’t mention his name or show his picture publicly?  Precisely, a mess.  In all honesty, if my name had appeared next to Karen’s in the mausoleum, because the mausoleum was public, the least would have probably been defacing the mausoleum so that my name wasn’t public, but could also have had the mausoleum bulldozed to the ground because my name wasn’t to be made public.  It was just a huge mess that couldn’t really be talked about publicly.  As far as myself, I was only wanting to share time and be with Karen and share a possible life together.  Karen and I always had great times together even when things weren’t going so well.  I wasn’t looking to be a celebrity or wealthy or any of that stuff; it was just that Karen and I had all these great times and memories together (both good and bad, we weren’t just ‘fairweather friends’ so to speak.  We had some clunkers and bummers too but we felt better when we shared and went through it together).  But things happen.  Karen’s heart stopped beating.  No one wanted it to happen including Karen herself, it just did.  No one’s fault.  No one to blame (her family or her husband or the therapists or the doctors or…) We all have to go sometime and it was just Karen’s time was all.  Like said, no one’s fault.  Karen had some great memories during her lifetime and many wonderful stories to learn from and some clunkers too.  But then too, like with everyone, if you don’t have some bad times, you tend not to appreciate the good times as much when they happen.  Those that knew Karen knew that the name Karen suited her as Karen was a very ‘caring’ person and wished for everyone to get the chance to enjoy a better life.  And some people enjoy being miserable too, so each person is different, ourselves included.  Everyone.  Different.  Forgive me as I didn’t realize that you are happy being miserable, and hopefully you forgive me as I enjoy being happy and not being miserable and I didn’t realize our differences until now either.  Stuff happens.

And yet another truth, a part of me that can't be replaced died when Karen died.  How do you replace someone that literally knew what you were thinking?  Someone that you couldn't argue with?  Someone that shared great memories with you?  Someone that made you feel like everything was going to work out all right?  Someone that made you feel like you were floating on air?  That one special someone that was your dreams come true.  Sharing wonderful memories with someone is special and when that someone special is not around any more to share with, memories still remain.  I love you too Karen.  Thank you Karen for being that wonderful person that I always knew you to be.

VIII. Karen's mom and shrinks in general

To note, for all of this psychobabble about Karen and her mom (mother).  Note, Karen died at her mother's house with her mother there.  If Karen did not love her mother and if Karen's mother did not love Karen, Karen would have not been allowed around her mother let alone being allowed in the house.  Psychobabble.  Think about the truth.  Karen's mother was not a person that hugged people.  There is NOTHING WRONG with a person not being a hugger.  Karen's mom did care about Karen.  Karen did care about her mom.  Honest, at our house, the piano was on the first floor and the drums were in the basement.  You can not hear pianos too well near drums.  Richard played the piano and Karen played the drums.  That's a house of love.  Just because they did not comform to a bunch of warped views about what they felt was proper and trying to prove some whacked out theories that are false, doesn't mean a damned thing.  It does mean a damned thing but not what it has been tried to be made out to be. 

To note, Karen always did better around her family (mom, dad, and Richard) and her cousin Wendy, and many others that cared about Karen, and myself.  Karen seemed to have problems after being around Karen 'Itchie' Ramone, Phil Ramone, Tom Burris, and others that kept trying to get Karen to work towards being seen as some 'sex goddess' or whatever.  That image just was not Karen, hence the "statues" video for "Touch Me When We're Dancing".  Honest, if sex sells so much then why wasn't that video and the song #1 everywhere?  It was probably the 'sexiest' video ever done at the time for sure.  Itchie and Tom kept trying to get Karen to focus on outward appearance, while Karen's friends were trying to get Karen to realize that Karen was a truly beautiful person and well-loved regardless of her physical appearance and that we loved Karen for being the kind and caring person that she truly was.  The girl next door.  Karen.  Karen was a tomboy and 'the girl next door' and since when were tomboys and girls next door supposed to be beauty queens too?  Well, actually, when you think about the 'sex sells' image at the time, not beauty queen, but slut was more like it.  Karen was having problems with her public image of being seen as being 'fat' because of her bone structure while most 'shrinks' kept trying to deal with her private image and messing Karen's private image up as is evidenced all over the internet and most books written about Karen (Karen's private image is her family which has what to do with Karen's public image of being seen as fat?  How are news articles and pictures in a paper about Karen's body type and size related to Karen's family?). 

You can not honestly say that the shrinks were not trying to get Karen to hate her family despite Karen's family having absolutely nothing to do with newspaper or tabloid articles saying that Karen was 'chubby' (Note also, that srticle in Billboard that is accused of writing "Karen was chubby" was actually an article that stated that Richard was chubby and not Karen, leave it to fiction writers to change things around to suit their purpose[s]).  Karen knew better because every time Karen had problems, Karen's family was there trying to help her whether Karen wanted help or not.  Karen was always welcome at home, always.  When the shrinks tried to get Karen to hate her family, Karen had had enough.  Karen was a Christian and was against hating anyone even the shrinks.  Karen and her step cousin Wendy B even came up with a saying between them that they couldn't get "fat" any more, just "pleasingly plump".

Karen was a very resilient person and not one to give up on something.  Karen was NOT a 'quitter'.  Karen never gave up on something unless it was futile (quick, flap your arms and try to fly like a bird.  I know you're a people and not a bird but don't give up as you never know.  Maybe people can fly and we just haven't tried hard enough?).  In mid September 1978, I had noticed that Karen never gave up on something but also, she told me that she liked to exercise during our 'arrhythmia' talk.  So that was what gave me the idea for our 'futility' dance and talk.  It was before class started one day and Karen and I were talking and I mentioned 'futility' and Karen was like, "you never know what you can do until you try."  And I started flapping my arms up and down and I asked Karen to join in and she did.  Then I was like, "we're not flying yet, maybe we need to flap faster and harder."  So we flapped faster and harder but we still couldn't fly.  We brought our hands in and we spread our hands out.  We jumped.  No flying.  But yes, as kids we see birds flying and maybe if we do like the birds, we could learn to fly too.  Then the futility of realizing that we are not birds and we are not meant to fly on our own.  But as we get older, we forget that lesson.  We just remember that we can't fly and so we move on to trying other stuff that maybe we can do.  The toughest part in Karen's anorexia was getting Karen to realize that her bad habits were hurting her physically and she needed to quit those bad habits.  It wasn't until Karen saw me throw down my cigarette and quit smoking on June 15, 1981 (which I did start smoking again and I do smoke now, but this was back then) that Karen realized that maybe 'quitting' wasn't such a bad thing after all.  Karen started realizing that quitting bad habits would be good.  But still, putting her finger down her throat, starving herself, taking laxatives and such had helped her lose weight before.  Why quit something when it works?  Karen just hadn't realized that there were possible side affects from overdoing it.  And as the autopsy report showed, Karen's heart wasn't physically damaged, however, somehow Karen's glycerine (glycerine is the 'blood sugar' level and glycerine is a substance that relaxes muscles including the heart and not just a 'sugar' level) level had skyrocketed to the point where Karen's muscles and her heart muscles just relaxed and stopped.  No one's fault, including Karen, as no one foresaw Karen's glycerine levels rising as high as they did.

Karen also learned her singing style, not with emotions, but by listening to her own voice and trying to make her voice sound a certain way.  Karen could also pronounce diction and articulation really well, however Bruce Forsyth was a challenge.  It was all technique and mechanics with Karen listening to her own voice and Karen getting her voice to sound a certain way.  Karen told me that was why she would sing so softly sometimes as she would be listening to her voice and not really singing out loud.  But Karen would hear a certain sound in her head and she would try to imitate what she heard with her voice.  And Karen had a wonderful vibrato in her voice that she learned to use when she felt the need arose.  Karen would also sing softly to convey like a ‘secret whisper’ and sing loudly for more emphasis and more openness and more impact.  With all of that to think about as far as how Karen wanted to convey the meaning behind the song, Karen didn’t have enough thought room to think about personal experiences or any of that stuff.  It was honestly all technique and mechanics with her voice.  Karen’s breathing, or lack thereof, and her accenting certain sounds and lyrics while diminishing emphasis on other parts were all a part of Karen enjoying that music can convey emotion when done properly.  It wasn’t the emotions themselves, but the techniques and mechanics of her voice to try and convey that emotion.  If done properly, Beethoven’s 9th symphony, ode to joy, will convey a feeling of happiness and triumph.  If not done properly, it sounds a bit off.  Honestly, Karen wanted a sad song to sound sad just as a happy song should sound happy.  And it is the sound, not the emotion, that is what makes that happen.

Steven Levenkron was an author, not a doctor or MD or PhD.   Note also, Steven found those pills and such when Karen checked in there in January 1982?.  I believe Karen checked out around September 1982.  After Karen checked out and ended up in the hospital again, Karen started weighing herself only once a week.  A person that is weighing themselves only once a week is not worrying about how much they weigh on a constant basis.  A person trying to lose weight will weigh themselves many times while taking laxatives and pills and such to see the immediate affect of what taking those pills and laxatives is having.  And as you know, that is the catch with anorexia.  The pills and laxatives are not actually immediate in most cases, which leads to a person over taking pills and laxatives to try and speed up the process which is not immediate anyway.  A messy and dangerous cycle.  So as has been said (and ignored by many), Karen weighed 104 pounds when she left the hospital in November 1982 and Karen weighed 108 pounds when she passed away on February 1983.  Karen also had arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat) which was found in 1975 (and later) and was a sign that Karen's heart was not getting the signals to beat at times.  You would think that a person taking thyroid medication(s) to speed up metabolism in the thyroid would not be having problems with their heart stopping.  Karen was having problems with her heart stopping and not beating in rhythm (arrhythmia) on occasion.  Not rapid heartbeat, but Karen's heart stopping (no heartbeat) aka 'skipping a beat'.  The last I knew, synthroid and such medications do not cause the heart to stop beating.  The heart can also only beat so fast.  Karen's heart was missing cycles of beating at times without medications.  And Karen would actually starve herself at times and become underweight.  Also, Karen did not actually seem to have any symptoms indicating that she was having a thyroid problem.  No profuse sweating or mental disorientation or stuff like that to indicate an actual thyroid problem or side affects of someone that was taking medications for a thyroid problem that did not exist.  Karen did have problems with her menstruation (visitor) and Karen would become very exhausted during her menstruation which would usually be about three days.  This happened regardless of Karen's weight.  But it is not unusual for a person that is discharging blood to become tired or such.  If Karen had not started her menstruation, she was expecting it to start between February 3 and February 5, 1983.  Karen refused a pacemaker for the arrhythmia as Karen was against being kept alive by a machine.  And Karen was definitely looking forward to living her life with a guy when she knew that this guy cared about her whether her name was Wendy or Karen, whether she was 94 or 124 or even 224 pounds, whether she was happy or sad or upset (preferably happy though as it was difficult for either of us to feel sad or upset when we were around each other), a singer or a school teacher or a mime or even nothing at all, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, and he would definitely obey if he knew what was good for him.  A guy that loved "tomboys and mud pies".  A guy that loved her despite what the critics and tabloids and shrinks thought about her.  And these two people that apparently shared all these past lives together that they didn't even know existed because they were both busy enjoying the times they had together when they could have them together.  Together.  Karen and Ace.  Maybe not now, but more likely forever.  Is forever long enough?  Exactly why Karen and I haven't wrote our own songs because most of the cool stuff doesn't rhyme all the time or whatever.  But stuff happens.

IX.  Control freaks

X. My last thoughts about Karen

A short while after Karen passed away I got a vision (I think on Monday night, February 7th, but not positive.).  Visions are like dreams only you are wide awake when you get them.  The vision was me sitting in a mausoleum next to Karen's casket.  Next thing I know the casket opens up and Karen comes out with a white blouse and a gray dress and black shoes (flats really without much of a soul on the shoe) with I believe a strap across the top with whitish stockings on and I am sitting by her casket and she comes over and stands next to me.  I stand up and I start to talk to her and she grabs her throat and shakes her head because she can't talk.  I look over and see a man standing there in a black suit next to a stand, a caretaker of sorts I guess.  I look over to him and I say, "I need a marker, a marker" and he hands me a black marker.  I then say "I need something to write on" and he hands me several small squares of white cardboard.  Karen and I talk, in a way, for a little while and then the vision just stopped.  I think it was all yes and no questions so we didn't really need the cardboard anyway and she just shook her head.  I think my first question was, "Is it really you?"  And she shook her head yes.  And I think I asked, "Do you still love me?"  And she shook her head yes.  And I said something like, "Me too.  I still love you.  Forever like we said."  And she shook her head yes.  And then I think I said, "Are you all right now?"  And she stood there and spread her arms out to the side as if to say what do you think?  And then I think I was like, "I miss you so much."  And she put her index finger to the middle of her lips and then put that finger on my lips and she shook her head no telling me not to cry and keep my head up.  And I said something like, "Can I touch you?"  And she shook her head yes and I wrapped my arms right around her and gave her a big kiss and she wrapped her arms around me too.  And then we looked at each other with our hands together and then we were side by side and started walking towards the door.  I handed the marker and cardboard back to the caretaker and we continued to walk towards the door.  Then Karen wasn't allowed passed the door so we went back by the casket and I grabbed the marker and cardboard from the caretaker again and then people started coming in and Karen and I were writing on the cardboard while the people were talking and asking us questions and such.  And if you know Karen and me, we started clowning around and holding signs upside down and switching signs with each other and such (you know, me holding a sign saying, "I'm Karen" while Karen was holding a sign saying, "I'm Ace").  And then the vision stopped a short while after that.  I never saw her funeral until recently and that was what sparked my memories of this vision as she was buried in the same dress I remember in that vision, and I only remembered this vision on New Year's Eve 2020 (the last day of 2019).  I don't remember all of what we talked about and I just remember that after this vision in 1983, I lost my memories of Karen again until late May 2019.

XI. Conclusion

What came of this : Karen died.  See September 1978 to May / June 1979 for more details.  If I remember right, just like Julie Sage, Karen told me that she had a short life line as well (about an inch and a quarter to an inch and a half long).  Karen was the only one I ever felt 'cloud 9' with.  Karen was supposed to sign divorce papers from Tom Burris on February 4.  I always wished for her to be happy.  Karen was definitely looking forward to the future after signing her divorce papers and being able to be happy again and getting her life back again.  Neither one of us knew how to get a hold of the other, but I know if she had been really depressed or in trouble, she would have definitely tried to find me somehow in Corning NY.  I turned 18 years old exactly three months before she died, so the 'minor' problem would not be a factor anymore.  But not to be.  After thinking about her around late May to mid June 2019, I remembered what it felt like to be on cloud 9 again and even though she isn't around to share it with me like before, it still feels great.  Karen and me had some really great times together in the short eight months we knew each other.  I noticed that there were 2 songs on Karen's solo album (Lovelines, If We Try), and 2 outtake songs (Midnight, It's Really You) from that album that contain 'Darling' (Karen's pet name for me) in the lyrics.  Oddly too, the 'baby' songs appear to be about me as well.  Karen told me that when she started her solo album, that she didn't have a pet name for me yet.  I still do love Karen (Honey, my pet name for Karen) in 2019.  Karen was definitely my soul mate and I was definitely her soul mate too.  I also happened to think that if Richard or one of them found out 'darling' was a student that was 14 years old at the time, there could have been some problems too.  And honestly, even now, I would wish to avoid any scandal or such involving Karen.  And honestly, the only things that touched between Karen and myself were our words, our thoughts, our hearts, our souls and our eyesight.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  OK, maybe a little bit more after I turned 16, but shhhh, OK?  We had to be sure somehow, and we had just enough somehow to be sure.  Also note, with Karen and I being soul mates, we are seen as equals after she passed away.  With that being said and because I am the one with the double-nerved upper left bicuspid aka the Holy Scribe, I believe Karen is helping to fill that position until I get back.  If you see a blonde haired woman with the Akashic Records, It is Karen Carpenter, my soul mate.  After I die or whatever happens to end my life in the flesh, I have a feeling that Karen and I both stay together for eternity and do not return to the flesh.

XII. An afterthought

And one for the road, so to speak.  Below are the school pictures from the 1979 Corning Free Academy classbook.  The extra hand in Karen's picture is from the social studies teacher Mr. (Tom?) Cook.  The pictures were taken around October 1978.  Karen was very nervous about it and asked me to be in the room during the picture taking.  I was sitting in a chair about 15 to 20 feet away and in front of Karen and Mr. Cook.   Karen's eyes closed in the picture because when the photographer snapped the picture, Karen and Mr. Cook started laughing because I was saying, "Rump roast, Liver and onions, Castor Oil..." instead of the usual, "Say cheese".  Karen wore a black wig and weighed I think 104 pounds at the time of this picture.  The vest on Karen was a rainbow color with reds, yellows, blues, greens, and oranges that Karen made herself (on a side note, Karen made her own poncho too and she kind of started a fad in the area where girls wanted ponchos, including my sister).  I believe the papers in Karen's hands were just a bunch of papers that were lying around in the room and Karen just threw a paper clip on them to make the papers look important.  I think the picture was taken in an unused classroom that became more of a storage room but I am not positive on that now.  A funny note, The writing on the blackboard is Karen's.  The funny part is that the math teachers were lined up in front of the english stuff that Karen wrote on the board, and Karen (the english teacher) was lined up with the math stuff that Karen wrote.  And on an ending note, Karen did not usually wear yellow as she had already “gone bananas” a long time ago and it was by her own choice so she was fine with that, but no one seemed to notice or say anything about it unless she wore yellow.  Karen liked surprising people and how are you going to surprise someone about going bananas when you are wearing yellow?  True, Karen didn’t like being considered ‘normal’ and enjoyed being considered a little ‘different’.  Anyway...  Every little bit helps and hopefully when and if the time comes people can hopefully get the help they need.  Like Carpenter Family Foundation, 1800 Avenue of the Stars Suite 900, Los Angeles, CA, 90067-9818, http://www.richardandkarencarpenter.com or Olivia Newton-John Cancer Wellness & Research Centre, http://www.onjcancercentre.org .  Or, more preferred (the USA is more research friendly at present) the Olivia Newton - John Foundation https://cafa.iphiview.com/cafa/AccountInformation/tabid/495/dispatch/accountselection_id$283138_hash$4622b1a9d05b9c2a9972a0b11c8cfcf570f7246a/Default.aspx . Just another thought here.  Oh yeah, the pictures (note, Karen is wearing a wig and looking down.  Karen would also wear a prosthetic face mask at times to try and hide her features [her chin especially].  Unfortunately, this is a black & white yearbook picture and not the greatest resolution so a bit blurry and grainy too.  And for those that asked how Karen could be a teacher and not be recognized, this is her and as people notice, it doesn't look like her.  Thank you to the many who have noticed that the picture doesn't look like Karen.)…

           

Well, actually, there were a lot of things that happened around Karen and myself that I imagine people have wondered about.  Also, I imagine there were a bunch of people that were actually around Karen that may have either forgot about me, or wondered if I just gave up or such (suicide?).  I actually forgot about this stuff from 1983 to 2019 like I said above (1978 - 1979, I & 1983, VIII).  But for those that had questions about what happened and like that (myself included) that was why I did this page.  And I know there is some stuff that I included that is a bit more 'detailed' than most readers probably wanted to hear.  Why all that past life stuff?  Well, does it really have anything to do with an eating disorder?  No, but it does have something to do with the talks with the Dalai Lama and Sir Nicholas Born and Rod Temperton (soul mate stuff) later on.  And that was why I did a time line page as I couldn't quite write this completely chronologically while keeping certain topics together.  The Max Baer Jr. stuff as well as the problems between Karen and her husband, Thomas Burris.  Karen was having definite problems with Max and Richard knew something was very wrong when Karen talked with him.  Karen was figuring that she was going to have to go back home and get away from those problems.  Things happened a bit differently than Karen was expecting and as a result, Karen stayed as a teacher longer and her caring brother Richard came out and explained some things to Karen and also Richard came out to let Karen know that if there were any more problems or such, Richard would gladly help his sister out so long as he didn't end up being ratted on to the folks or be buried somewhere where no one would find his body or something like that.  Karen was using Max as an example to me about 'forgiveness'.  I was using Thomas with Karen as an example of 'repentance (admitting a wrong was done) and penance (making amends for that wrong as best as possible)'.  The details are there to explain the problems better and not to label someone as being good or bad or such.  Max had problems with me and Karen but afterwards Max probably realized some things and had a 'change of heart/thinking' most likely.  Karen and Thomas had a problem but Thomas was not able to discuss and be honest about the problem in private with Karen.  Privacy.  Really, the whole world doesn't need to know your problems, but...  Yes, to try and get a full explanation I crossed some lines that I hadn't wanted to cross and others probably wish I hadn't crossed.  But the thinking behind that is that Karen has passed away and if I pass away too, the rest of that sensitive information passes with me.  Yes, there are still a couple things that will pass with me, and I felt the need to be as thorough as possible with certain problems as maybe it might help others to realize that if you really and truly care about someone, you can be totally honest with them.  Karen and I could be totally honest with each other and as an added example, others could not always be honest.  Thomas was not honest with Karen as Karen was not honest with Thomas.  But that does not mean that they were 'bad' people.  It means that they had problems with each other.  They were getting divorced as there really was not a way to work out those problems between themselves.  Max had problems too.  Karen and me had problems too.  Our last problem was the lying and covering up.  I was 18 in 1983 and when I was younger, we did need to hide things and such to avoid bigger problems.  After the huge mess with Thomas Burris and Karen, Karen and I had both agreed that if it was worth doing, there was no need to hide doing it.  But if we had to lie and sneak around to do it, it's not worth it.  Finally growing up.  Accepting responsibility instead of seeing what you can get away with.  On the last phone call, Karen and I agreed that because of the situation that had happened with Thomas, after we eloped, no more hiding or covering up.  Each time Karen and I had hid or tried to cover up stuff, bad things happened afterwards.  Our eloping together story was to be the last fib and we were to start 'coming clean' about everything.  And it ended up being the last too.  And the reason why 'the last' is because Karen heard me get real worried when she talked about her plan for us eloping.  I didn't want us to start off like her and Thomas had started.  We never got a chance to find out how things would have worked out turning over our 'new leaf' so to speak.  Compared with others, Karen and me tended to work out our problems together just as Karen and Richard tended to work out their problems together too.  That doesn't mean that we were good people or bad people either.  When people learn better things, they change for the better.  The same as when people learn bad things and behaviors, they change for the worst.  No one is born knowing everything and things happen.  Learning.  And part of learning is that different people behave differently around other people.  It is not so much good or bad, but how you behave towards others and others behave towards you.  Interactions.  And if someone was running towards you with a butcher knife?  But it was actually walking and a paring knife after slicing a lemon.  Perceptions.  Stories.  And why did I write all this out?  No one person has been able to be everywhere all of the time that I have ever been aware of.  And what if a person is not around any longer to share their stories?  And most people don't have about 24 hours to go through all of this stuff all at once, so this was done...  To remember Karen and others and to share more accurate information with many different people.  Non fiction.  Honestly.

For more information about Karen Carpenter from myself, try these pages too.

Karen's Last Days Page (objective, about Karen's medical and mental) http://www.theeaceman.com/karenlastdays.html .

Rant And Rave Page (subjective, about Karen's medical and mental) http://www.theeaceman.com/rantnrave.html .

Goodbye To Love Crockumentary page http://www.theeaceman.com/goodbyetolovecrock.html .

The Karen Carpenter Story movie page http://www.theeaceman.com/karencarpstory.html .

The Carpenters - The Untold Story book page http://www.theeaceman.com/untoldstory94.html .

The Little Girl Blue book page http://www.theeaceman.com/littlegirlblue.html .

Rob Hoerburger's 1996 New York Times Article review http://www.theeaceman.com/robtimes.html .

Karen & Elvis story http://www.theeaceman.com/karenelvis.doc .

Karen personal stuff http://www.theeaceman.com/karenpersonal.txt .

A kind of screenplay (Rock with You - The Karen and Ace Story) http://www.theeaceman.com/screenplay.html .

About the author

Interesting Conversations and Events Page
http://www.theeaceman.com/interesting.html
and
Ask Metatron Question & Answer Page
http://www.theeaceman.com/askmeta.html
and
Now Syndrome Text about PTSD and abuse written in 2006
http://www.theeaceman.com/nowsyndrome.doc
and
The Science of Science Page
http://www.theeaceman.com/science.html
and
The Meaning of Life Page
http://www.theeaceman.com/mol.html
and
The Genealogy of Shaddai (God) Page
http://www.theeaceman.com/genie.html
and
The Mostest Newerest Math Book Page
http://www.theeaceman.com/thefullbook.html
and
The Ask Metatron Forum
http://www.askmetatron.com
and
The Ask Metatron 2 Forum
http://www.gohanssm.com/vanilla
and
Thee Ace Man Page
http://www.theeaceman.com
and
The New Math Book Page
http://www.thenewmathbook.com
And more to come I imagine...