Screenplay for "Rock With You - The Karen And Ace Story"

by Adrian "Thee Ace Man" Downing, III


Note, the idea could be done either live action or cartoon style.

Next note, I am not actually looking to make a movie or series or such but I have noticed that a lot of people are so used to watching movies and TV shows that maybe this type of setup might be easier for some to understand better.  Also, this way, everything is in chronological (time) order.  And even better, this way there is just information and not any opinionated 'spin' on the information.  But, without being 'spun' certain pieces of information can possibly be taken out of context as someone may say or do something that can possibly be taken the wrong way in spots (like with Richard on February 4, 1983 saying "I wouldn't mind putting you there myself" to me during our conversation which was meant as "it would be great if Karen had someone to rest beside her" and not "I wish you were dead").  The nice part is that Karen and I talked about nearly everything together so many of the things that happened are explained in our talks afterwards.

Character Sheet

List of characters and scenes:

Karen Carpenter [Main]
Ace Downing (age 8) [1-3]
Ace Downing (age 13/14) [Main]
Ace Downing [Main]
Richard Carpenter [4,38,59,
Rod Temperton [
Max Baer Jr. [7,28,30,58,70,78
Mrs. Cecile Woeppel [21,
Mr. Thomas Cook [32,
Mr. Steve Swanson [21]
Step cousin Wendy S Bihuniak [5,6,62,
Step cousin Wendy Y Bihuniak [60,
Step cousin Peter Bihuniak [
Jerry Weintraub [59,68,
Archdeacon of Canterbury (Bernard Pawley) [3]
Sir Nicholas Born [3,
Substitute for Mrs. Harvin [2]
Mrs. Harvin [1]
Patti Carpenter [36,
Cubby O’Brien [39]
Paul Williams [41]
Olivia Newton-John [78]
Dionne Warwick [78]
Russell Javors (voice only) [
Agnes Carpenter (mom - voice only) [84]
Ev Wallace [70]
Eddie Kramer [85]
School Board Administrator + 6 board members? [7]
Buddy Baer as Max Baer [
Buddy Ebsen [
Mary Martin [80]
Otto Frank [69]
Elfreide Frank [69]
Gary Yoggi [69]
Gene Simmons [72]
Eddie Kramer [85]
Phil Ramone [
Itchie (Karen Iuchanji/Ichiuji? Ramone) [
Itchie’s Toy Poodle [
Mush (Samoyed / Malamute / Husky) [62]
His Holiness the 13th Dalai Lama [
His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama [
John Heib (Principal) [34,
Lois Crandell [52,
Ed Mishrell [52]
Marge [52]
Thomas Burris [
Great grandmother Susan (Seal) Carpenter [
Great uncle Jack Carpenter [
Great aunt wife Carpenter [
Great aunt Matilda Lynn [
Great aunt Gertrude Lynn [
Uncle Richard Carpenter [
Aunt Mary Carpenter [
Cousin Mike M [
Cousin Linda M [
Wayne Newton [71]
Renée [
Rink Announcer (Snoopy costume skating) [47]
Lee Downing [47,49
Bud Downing [47,49
Robin Downing [47,49

Students –

Mike [9.
Sandy [66]
Joy [66]
Julie L [66]
Girl [56]
Julie S
Karen S
Jay [51]
Cousin David B

Couples –

Alan Girlfriend
Keith Girlfriend

Location Sheet

Church Sunday school, First Episcopal Church, Corning, NY, 14830 Sunday School classroom [1,2]

Church, First Episcopal Church, Corning, NY, 14830 Church building [3]

After Carpenters concert in Las Vegas, September 3?, 1978 [4]

Elmira / Corning Regional Airport [5]

Step Cousin Wendy S's house on 93 West Fifth Street, Corning, NY, 14830 - small house. [6, 62,

School board meeting, School Administration building (no longer there) East First Street, Corning, NY, 14830 [7]

Corning Free Academy building (now an apartment complex), 11 West Third Street, Corning, NY, 14830 [0,8]

Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc. [9-46,48-51,53-

Spare Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc. [32]

School Auditorium and hallways [41]

Skating Rink, Nasser Civic Plaza, Corning, NY 14830 [47]

Ace’s house, 265 East Third Street, Corning, NY 14830 [52]

Woolworth’s Department Store (empty parking lot now), corner of Pine Street and Dennison Parkway West, Corning, NY 14830 [58,84,

Scene 0000 - Opening Scene Sheet

Background: Corning Free Academy building (now an apartment complex), 11 West Third Street, Corning, NY, 14830.

Characters: Intro sequence credits and movie title – all characters

[School building with kids going to school.  Start out sequence with (They Long To Be) Close To You song by The Carpenters and then part way through song have a record scratch type sound and then switch to Rock with You song by Michael Jackson.]

September / October 1973

Scene 0001 - "In the Beginning, Noah?"

Background : Church Sunday school, First Episcopal Church, Corning, NY, 14830 Sunday School classroom

Characters - Ace (age 8), Mrs. Harvin (teacher), other students may or may not be needed.

[Ace sitting in chair and teacher standing there, Ace raises hand to ask a question.]

Mrs. Harvin: "You have a question."

Ace: "Yes, in Genesis it says that Noah boarded the animals into the ark 2 by 2 but in Exodus it says they loaded good animals by sevens for a sacrifice unto the Lord.  Do you know which it was?"

Mrs. Harvin: "I'm not that old.  I don't know."

[Class laughs in background.]

Ace: "Is there any way we could ask God or Noah?"

Scene 0002 - "Wrong Right Answer"

Background : Church Sunday school, First Episcopal Church, Corning, NY 14830 Sunday School classroom

Characters - Ace (age 8), substitute teacher for Mrs. Harvin, other students may or may not be needed.

[Ace sitting in chair and substitute teacher standing there, Ace raises hand to ask a question.]

Substitute for Mrs. Harvin: "You have a question."

Ace: "Yes, we all know that Jesus was born on December 25, but do you know what year it was.  Surely if we know the month and day, someone must know the year?"

Substitute for Mrs. Harvin: "The year zero."

Scene 0003 - "The Meeting"

Background : Church, First Episcopal Church, Corning, NY, 14830 Church building

Characters - Ace (age 8), Archdeacon of Canterbury (Bernard Pawley), Assistant to the Archdeacon of Canterbury (Sir Nicholas Born)

[Inside church, private room.]

[Ace enters room and Ace is led up to Archdeacon by Sir Nicholas.  Sitting on a throne, the Archdeacon fully officially dressed and Sir Nicholas is standing in a suit.  Ace in dress pants, black dress tie shoes and a white dress shirt.]

Archdeacon: "I am the Archdeacon of Canterbury and you have already met my faithful servant, Sir Nicholas.  I imagine that you are wondering why I am here.   I am here because the Pope issued a signed order that you are to be eliminated immediately before the next sunrise.  He also told me personally to try and do this as discreetly as possible so as to not draw attention to the church.  So I said to myself, if the Pope wants this done, why doesn't he do it himself instead of putting it on my shoulders.  Why should I have to do the Pope's dirty work?  So here I am.  I am here because I am shocked that such a little innocent child could cause such a ruckus. I know you are not really the one responsible for this ruckus, but there is a big ruckus none the less. The church is all up in arms over something as simple as a child's innocent question and an answer that a teacher should not have given without authorization from the church. No one has been excommunicated from the church in over 200 years and I do not wish to be the one to reinstate that terrible practice now. Boiling people in oil, burning at the stake. Terrible practices. Barbaric practices. And honestly, knowing who you are, chances are if we did try to boil you in oil, you would be dangling from a rope while the oil vat spilled over and killed everyone else while you would remain safe.  I know who you are and your coming was foretold long ago.  I actually came here to protect you not harm you.  There are others that if they knew you existed and who you were, they would try to hunt you down to try and make sure you did not fulfill the prophesies about you.  In order to protect you, I need to have you sign a paper for me that my assistant has.  After you sign this paper, I will explain some things to you.  And what this paper does is make sure that your name does not appear in the international or national news for any reason whatsoever.  Like I said, I am here to try and protect you.  If certain people find out that you exist, they will try to kill you.  I also have a feeling that Someone else is watching over you anyway, but I wish to do what I can as well.  Just an added precaution if I might say.  Sir Nicholas?"

[Sir Nicholas holds out a piece of paper on a clipboard.]

Sir Nicholas: "Sign here and we'll explain."

[Ace signs paper and hands paper and clipboard back to Sir Nicholas.]

Archdeacon: "This paper also helps protect me as well, because what I am about to tell you is very sensitive information and if it became public, there would be many problems for all of us.  After signing that paper, you can not have anything written about you in the national and international news for any reason.  Anything you say or do will be blocked from being published internationally and nationally.  It is an Order of Suppression and it forbids your name from being used in any articles of significance, local news does not apply.  With that being said, The year zero never happened and there was never a year zero on the Julian calendar. The answer the teacher gave was incorrect. The true answer I will give to you now, but be forewarned, the Roman Catholic Church, after all of this hullabaloo, does not want people to hear this answer, but I feel you deserve it after being put through all of this through no fault of your own. In the early days when the church was forming, the church saw that there were a large group of people known as the Mithrites, who every 25th of December would dance naked around a pine tree in a fertility festival as it was believed by the Mithrites, that the Mithrite's saviour, Mithra, was to be born on December 25th at some future date. This was a large group of people at the time on the eastern border. As the birthdate of Jesus was unknown, the leaders of the church seeing this large group of people, realized that if they could convert these people, it would be a large addition to the number of Christians in the world. The Ottoman Turks also wished to convert these people as well. The early Roman Catholic Church, seeing that the birthdate of Jesus was unknown, and realizing that these Mithrites were waiting for their saviour, Mithra, decided to make Jesus' birthdate December 25th. Mithra fit the description of Jesus in working miracles of healing the sick, making lame beggars walk, raising the dead, and such. So the Roman Catholic Church decided to make December 25th Jesus's birthdate to try and convince the Mithrites that their saviour, Mithra, was Jesus Christ. As a result, most of the Mithrites converted to Christianity instead of joining the Ottoman Turks. Placing presents under a pine tree replaced the original fertility part of the festival, the three wise men, and all that. But Christmas was born from the Roman Catholic Church wanting to convert the large group of Mithrites to Christianity. In addition, the calendar was changed from starting on March, to starting on January as January first was one week from December 25th in honor of starting the new year one week after the birth of the saviour, Jesus Christ, as the Mithrites believed that a new beginning was to happen after their saviour, Mithra, was to be born. Rest assured, the church does not want people to know this story and after the Mithrites were converted the documents were either destroyed or hidden to never be seen again. But this story was relayed to me and I feel it is only fitting that you should know too. You did nothing wrong outside asking a simple question, and your teacher did nothing wrong outside provide an answer that she thought to be correct. But you are an innocent and in light of all that has happened, I can not in good conscience excommunicate you. Two wrongs do not make a right. But, however, in light of what has happened, I would recommend that you do not attend this church anymore for yours and their own good. If you do attend this church, I probably will have to excommunicate you if anything more were to happen beyond what has already happened. Also, I hope you do not talk to others about this as the church does not want people having this information.  I hope you understand.  You seem to be a bright child, but a child none the less.  Sir Nicholas, use the secret exit so as not to be seen leaving by the others.  You are free to go now."

Sir Nicholas: "Oh good, I get to use the secret passage.  I love secret passages.  Follow me."

[Sir Nicholas and Ace leave the room through a secret passage by a bookcase I believe. It is a narrow passage between the walls but about 3 feet wide.  The backside of walls and wall studs are visible with boards and plaster between boards.]

[While leaving the building through the secret passage.]

Sir Nicholas: "We had some fake brochures made up for this occasion to present to the Pope.  The brochures have excommunication written on them.  We also picked up a bag of pig bones that we will present to the Pope and say they are yours.  It is a bit of a stretch but it should all work out.  Wish us luck.  Ah, here we are, the exit."

[The secret passage leads outside the building and Ace exits and Sir Nicholas closes the passage door and remains inside.]

September 1978

Scene 0004 - "I Quit"

Background: After Carpenters concert in Las Vegas, September 3?, 1978

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Richard Carpenter

[Concert has just ended and Karen and Richard are backstage talking.  Richard’s hands are shaking.]

Richard: "I can't do this anymore.  Look at me.  I quit."

Karen: "Are you sure?"

Richard: "Yes, I'm sure."

Karen: "I have some unfinished business in New York and then I'll meet you back home.  I'll see you later."

Richard: "See you later."

Scene 0005 - "New Beginnings"

Background: Elmira / Corning Regional Airport.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Wendy S Bihuniak

[Plane lands and Karen meets her step cousin Wendy S at airport]

Karen: "Howdy cousin, over here."

Wendy S: "How are you doing?  My sister-in-law has a job all lined up for you but you need to see the school board and get approval first.  Are you sure?"

Karen: "I'm sure.  Richard said he quit and I feel I need to do something different anyway.  Let's get Blackula and be on our way."

[Karen and Wendy S grab a pile of suitcases (I believe 22) and Blackula is a black steam trunk that takes two people to carry on its own.]

Scene 0006 - "Unpacking"

Background: Step Cousin Wendy S's house on 93 West Fifth Street, Corning, NY, 14830 - small house.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Wendy S Bihuniak

[Karen and Wendy S unpacking at Wendy's house.]

Scene 0007 - "Becoming A Teacher"

Background: School board meeting, School Administration building (no longer there) East First Street, Corning, NY, 14830.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Max Baer Jr., School board (7 members)

[Karen gives a presentation to be an 8th grade english school teacher using her cousin Wendy S's identity.]

School Board Administrator: "So you are looking to be our new 8th grade english teacher.  High school graduate is fine.  Could you tell us a little bit about yourself?"

Karen: "Yes sir.  I live in the area on West Fifth Street just around the corner from the school.  Oops, sorry about that, I just warshed my hair and it ain't cooperating right now.  But anyway, as you see there, I am very reliable and dependable and I am very good with kids."

School Board Administrator: "Warshed?  Ain't?  And you want to be our new english teacher?  I am finding this a bit hard to believe here."

Max: "I know she talks a little funny but so do I.  I can tell you right now that if you don't hire her as the english teacher, you are going to need to look for a new science teacher as well.  I can vouch for her and I know she is a good teacher.  Just give her a chance.  You'll see.  But if you don't hire her, I quit and you'll need to find an english and a science teacher."

School Board Administrator: "I'll hold you to that Max and it is against my better judgment as I am not sure our students here ain't warshing their clothes in a crick somewhere anyway.  I do have a reserve as she does have a bit of a drawl in her voice and I'm hoping the kids don't start talking funnier than they already do, but your voice is a bit goofy too so I guess it will work out all right.  OK, you're hired and report to work at Corning Free Academy, just around the corner from where you live tomorrow.  I'll forward your paperwork to the school so you can start tomorrow morning.  Congratulations."

[Karen and Max leave the room.  Karen Carpenter, singer for The Carpenters, and Max Baer Jr. aka Jethro Bodine of The Beverly Hillbillies.]

[outside the building.]

Karen: "Thank you Max for standing up to them for me.  If you ever need a favor let me know."

Max: "My pleasure.  What brings you around these parts anyway if you don't mind me asking?"

Karen: "I have family here and Richard said he quit, so here I am."

Scene 0008 - "Opening Credits" same as Scene 0000

Background: Corning Free Academy building (now an apartment complex), 11 West Third Street, Corning, NY, 14830.

Characters: Intro sequence credits and movie title – all characters

[School building with kids going to school.  Start out sequence with (They Long To Be) Close To You song by The Carpenters and then part way through song have a record scratch type sound and then switch to Rock with You song by Michael Jackson.]

Scene 0009 - "First Day Morning"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Mike, Sandy, Becky, Beth, Maggie, Vicky, other students?

[Students enter into room.  Karen stands by door to room.  Karen has students arranged in seating by last name then first.]

Karen: “What’s your name?”

Ace: “Ace”

Karen: “I don’t have an Ace here.”

Ace: “Adrian Downing.”

Karen: “All right.  I have you right here.”

[Ace takes seat third row from door in the front seat.]

Karen: “What’s your name?”

Mike: “Mike”

Karen: “Which Mike?”

[Mike points to sheet.]

Karen: “I have you right here.”

[Mike sits in second row front seat next to Ace.]

[Other kids come in and Karen directs them where to sit.  Six rows across.  Five seats back.  30 seats.  Not really important though.]

[First class is homeroom and Karen has her teacher name, Miss Bihuniak, written in cursive on the blackboard.  With everyone sitting in alphabetic order, Karen doesn’t need to call out names to see who is there.]

[Ace to Mike]

Ace: “I think she knows about us.”

Mike: “I think you’re right.”

Ace: “Front row sucks.”

Mike: “You got that right.  No one to shoot spit wads at up here.”

Ace: “We’ll figure something out.”

[Mike picks a needle off of the cactus on Karen’s teacher desk and pokes Ace with it.  Ace picks a needle off of the cactus and pokes Mike back.]

Scene 0010 - "First Day 8th Period"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace walks into classroom.  Assigned seating again.]

Karen: “You again?”

Ace: “Yup.”

Karen, “Second row, front seat.”

Ace: “OK.”

[Ace sits in seat.]

Scene 0011 - "First Day Homeroom End of Day"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

Ace: “Back again.  I know front row.”

[School dismisses. Karen and Ace last ones to leave classroom.]

Karen: “Well, my first day, how’d I do?”

Ace: “Really?  You didn’t do too bad.  I could tell you were a bit nervous and that kind of explains it.  I usually get here early in the morning.  I’ll see you tomorrow.  And really, for a first time you didn’t do too bad.”

Scene 0012 - "Friday End of School"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace are last ones to leave and start talking.]

Karen: “Well, my first week kind of.  It’s going better than I thought.”

Ace: “I’ll say.  You sure this is your first time teaching?”

Karen: “This is kind of forward of me, but I feel the need to ask, why don’t you do your homework at home?”

Ace:  "I like the challenge of trying to do all this stuff in a hurry instead of taking it home.  I only have a half hour or so in homeroom.  I have all night at home."

Karen: "That explains it.  I like challenges too.  Does it bother you if I talk while you work?"

Ace: "No, not at all.  I can do both.  Is there anything special you are thinking about?"

Karen: "I grew up out west and I am kind of new to the area.  I have some relatives here, but I still feel kind of lost at times.  Is it alright if I ask you questions and stuff?"

Ace: "Sure, anytime, anything.  Feel free anytime."

Karen: "I heard from my cousins that my family has already put out an all points bulletin on me so it is only a matter of time before they find me here.  I'm having personal problems so I am just looking to do something different and see if I can get myself back on track again.  I know my family cares about me and I care about them too.  I sent a few messages back letting them know I am all right through the family grapevine, but I know with the problems I've had that my family is very concerned about me and will want to make sure that I am all right.  It's OK if they find me.  Actually I was looking to teach grammar school kids but this was what they had so I took it.  I'm not sure if I'm up for dealing with teenagers but it seems to be going all right so far."

Ace: "I'm glad you're here and I hope things work out for you.  Feel free to talk about anything, anytime.  And yeah, teenagers don't really have much experience but start thinking they know it all.  I understand where you are coming from on that.  I'm surrounded by teenagers myself and I know what a handful they can be."

[Ace and Karen chuckle together.]

Ace: "My dad works as a machinist for Corning Glass and my mom works as a lunch monitor over at Kent Phillips school.  My mom is a Leo and my dad is a Taurus and so they both are really stubborn and argue a lot.  I have a younger sister that is a Taurus too.  I'm a Sagittarius so I'm the little thinker of the family or is that little stinker, I keep forgetting.  Most of the time I either go outside or sit in my room just to get away from all the yelling and such.  My parents smoke too which is a disgusting habit."

Karen: "My dad is a handyman, you know, jack of all trades and master of none.  He's a sweetheart though and has a heart of gold.  My dad has a good reputation in the area because he always stands behind his work.  My mom is a homemaker and is a little different.  My mom can't stand dirt.  I've caught my mom cleaning the neighbor's windows because she didn't want to see any dirt.  I know it sounds kind of weird, but it's kind of funny too watching my mom clean the neighbor's windows.  My dad's speech is kind of slow so he doesn't usually talk too much.  I think it may be because my dad was born over in China but I'm not sure.  My mom will talk your ear off if you get her going.  My mom loves to talk about problems and such and anytime I have a problem, she always has time and we sit and talk at the kitchen table."

Karen:  “Oh shoot.  It’s getting kind of late and I was hoping to talk some more but we probably ought to get going home.”

Ace:  “Yeah, small area and you’ve already figured out everyone worries all the time where everyone is.  Nothing really exciting happens which gives people more time to worry I guess.”

Karen:  “You’re funny. You can give me a hug if you like?  I don't bite.”

Ace:  “I would love to, but you know how some people talk and it probably wouldn't be a good idea with me being jailbait and all that.  Corning is a small area so why give gossipers more to talk about?"

Karen:  “I’ll see you on Monday then.”

Ace:  “Yeah, probably going to be a long weekend.  Mowing the lawn and all that fun stuff.  Yeah, we’d better both get going before they call the cops on us.  But then too, that would be some kind of excitement.  Welcome to good old boring Corning New York.  See you on Monday.”

[Ace and Karen both leave.]

Scene 0013 - "Start of Week Two"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

Karen:  “That was a long weekend.  There are a couple restaurants and a lot of bars, but not really much to do around here is there?”

Ace:  “You got it.  Welcome to Corning.  The land of boredom where everyone works, gets drunk, gets in a fight, sleeps it off, then starts the next day all over again.  I think there’s getting married and have kids in there somewhere too.  But yeah, not much really goes on here like I said.”

Karen:  “I’m not one for that getting drunk part.  I prefer to knit myself.  Actually, I kind of like it because it is fairly quiet around here.  That’s what I was kind of looking for.  Hustle and bustle gets kind of boring after a while too.  Always going somewhere different and then waking up not remembering where you are at times.  But a nice small town where everyone knows their neighbors and sits in a rocking chair on the front porch and watches the grass grow.  So did you do anything exciting over the weekend?”

Ace:  “Nope.  Not really.  Just mowed the grass and kind of took it easy.  Usually wiffle ball and street football but not this weekend.  Most of the older kids kind of moved away now.  It’s kind of weird me being the oldest kid in the neighborhood now.  Stuff happens I guess.  How about you, anything exciting?”

Karen:  “Me and my cousin sat in front of the TV and talked and knitted until we fell asleep in our recliners.  It actually felt good to just sit and relax.  I can get used to this.”

Ace:  “Yup. If boredom’s what you’re looking for, we’ve got plenty of that.”

[At end of homeroom, Karen puts a “kick me” sign with an arrow pointing down on a piece of paper on Ace’s back.  That’s OK as earlier, Ace had been at Karen’s desk and had stood talking to Karen and while talking, Ace had loosened the tops on Karen’s salt and pepper shakers that were on her desk behind his back.  Ace leaves to start first class with the sign on his back and Karen sits down at her desk.  Karen goes to put her salt and pepper shakers away and…]

Karen [yelling out doorway]:  “You little sneak!  I’ll get you for that!”

Scene 0014 - "First Monday Lunch Time"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace stops by room and talks with Karen.]

Ace:  “I like practical jokes too.  I knew something was up when I felt you put your hand on my back after you snuck around there.”

Karen:  “You got me.  It wasn’t the salt and pepper shakers though but when Max saw me come out of the room and yell down the hall at you.  Max knows I like to play practical jokes on people.  He couldn’t stop laughing.  Can we have a rule?  No food pranks.  Luckily, I wasn’t eating anything and the salt shaker came apart when I was putting it away, but it could have wrecked my food.  So no more food pranks.”

Ace:  “Deal.  No food pranks.  But that was funny because everyone heard you yell down the hall and they knew I’d got you.  Welcome to Corning.”

Karen:  “So, do you want to sit up here during lunch with me?”

Ace:  “Sure.  I’ll just go grab a couple milks and I’ll be right back.”

[Ace leaves and then comes back later after grabbing two small milks (half pints).  Cafeteria is in basement and classroom is on third floor.]

Ace:  “I’m back.  So what’s up?”

Karen:  “You don’t beat around the bush do you?”

Ace:  “Nope, we’re all getting older.  Time’s a wasting.  Besides, you’d said on Friday that you were having some problems figuring stuff out.  I figured we could talk away from the others during lunch time.  I think you figured the same thing too.  Imagine that.  Great minds think alike.”

Karen:  “You remembered.  But yeah, to cut through the chase here.  I ran away from home and came here to live with my cousin to kind of sort stuff out.  I got a couple problems and I ain’t quite sure what to do.  You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and like I said before, something different as your family tends to say the same things at the same time and I like different.”

Ace:  “Me too.  Shoot, I think I can handle it.  What’s up?”

Karen:  “Well, in 1975 I had a problem and I passed out.  They took me to the hospital and in the hospital they diagnosed me with arrhythmia.”

Ace:  “My mom has arrhythmia too.  She got diagnosed a couple years ago.  That’s where your heart doesn’t beat steady.  That usually leads to a stroke.  I can see where you would want to kick back and relax but also try something different.  But then too, teenagers?  What were you thinking?”

Karen:  “Well, actually it was my other cousin.  She’s a teacher down the road in Elmira and it was the last minute so I really didn’t have a choice.”

Ace:  “We got to meet each other so a good choice I guess.  There’s not much you can do about arrhythmia other than a pacemaker.  Have you thought about a pacemaker?”

Karen:  “No way.  I’m all natural with no artificial ingredients or preservatives.  Just little old me.  The way God intended me to be.”

Ace:  “My mom is against a pacemaker too.  My mom doesn’t want to be kept alive by a machine either.  Church.  Oops, I hear so much about the drunks around here I forgot about that stuff.  Do you usually go to church?”

Karen:  “I used to when I was younger but when I got older I just didn’t have the time any more so I stopped going.”

Ace:  “You’re not a Bible thumper, so you’re not a Catholic.”

Karen:  “Methodist or Baptist.  I guess they call them holy rollers around here.”

Ace:  “Not as bad as the Catholics but all the choirs and singing and such.  Did you sing in the choir?”

Karen:  “I used to but it’s been a while.  Pardon me for asking, but do you go to church and sing?”

Ace:  “Nope.  I got kicked out of church when I was 9.  I was a bad boy.  As you can tell, not really.  But I kind of asked some questions that they didn’t like so I got asked not to come back to church again.  It was kind of awkward anyway as I seemed to know more about the Bible than they did.  It just didn’t go too well.  Nothing bad actually.  Just awkward.  I used to be in school chorus from third grade up until last year when I quit chorus.  The teacher added the song Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da to the repertoire and the chorus was made up of mostly sopranos.  It became a war and I would falsetto the chorus, you know that high voice, to get them to realize that they were too high and the song sounded a bit off.  The sopranos at first got the hint and sang a little softer so it balanced a little better.  But then the next time, they just came back loud again so I got louder to try and balance the song out and it just kept going down hill after that.  I quit chorus shortly afterwards as it was just a mess.”

Karen:  “I kind of see your point.  That song isn’t meant to be soprano.  I probably would have cringed too.  I haven’t sang in a while but would you want to try and sing a duet with me some time?  I understand if you don’t.”

Ace:  “Why not?  I like doing something different.  We could try anyway.  Anything in mind?”

Karen:  “Do you know the song Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys?”

Ace:  “Kind of.  It’s pretty simple.  They laugh halfway through it anyway.  We could try that I guess.”

Karen:  “OK.  You take the low parts and I’ll take the high parts.  Ready?  On 4.  1, 2, 3, 4.”

Karen and Ace [singing]:  “Bah bah bah, bob, bob eran. Bah bah bah, bob, bob eran.”

[After first verse – went to a dance looking for romance, saw Barbara Ann so I thought I’d take a chance – sung together]

Ace:  “You sound kind of like Marcel Marceau.  You’re probably shy I guess.  There’s no one really around.  You’ll be fine.  Let her rip.”

Ace [with a messed up laugh]:  “Five thirty two.  Saw Betty Lou.  Tried Peggy Sue but I knew she wouldn’t do…”

Karen [starts laughing]:  “Sorry I just couldn’t help it.  Maybe we should try something else?”

Ace:  “I know.  [singing] Hey Jude, don’t make it bad.  Take a sad song and make it better...”

[Karen joined in with some oohs and aahs and we both did the nah ne nah nahs together.  We did the whole song but quit after about four or five of the nah ne nahs.]

Karen:  “This is fun.”

Ace:  “Yeah, I could get used to this again.  It’s been a while for me too.  I love to sing but chorus just didn’t work out.  Sorry about the Marcel Marceau stuff earlier."

Karen:  “That’s all right.  When I’m first doing a song I forget to sing out loud sometimes because I listen to my voice and try to make it sound a certain way.  I also used to stand near the microphone in the choir and a couple times I just went dead loud and you know how speakers screech.”

Ace:  “I work as an announcer and scorekeeper at the local ball park during the summer and I know.  Oh boy do I know.  They can usually hear my voice about a mile away across the river when I announce and that’s on just 3 with an 8 watt speaker.”

Karen:  “I noticed that you had a good voice and I can hear it when you talk but I also notice that you try to sing like the records.”

Ace:  “I used to pretty much carry the chorus before.  The radio station kind of plays our Severn School fifth grade Christmas tape during Christmas time and they talk about that great tenor.  Eh.  I don’t think it’s that great.  I have the full range of all 88 keys and I’ve tried to do that dog whistle range but I’ve yet to hear dogs bark, so I think I’m still a little off on that one.  Oh that’s right too, I haven’t tried that breaking the crystal glass thing yet but I’m figuring I’ll be a business man when I get older as I don’t plan on ever growing up.  That stuff’s for the birds.  Getting cranky and all that when things don’t go right.  Not for me.”

Karen:  “Me neither.  That growing up stuff’s so overrated.  I’ve only tried it once and I agree that it ain’t that great really.”

[Lunch ends and Karen and Ace leave room.]

Scene 0015 - "Monday After School"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting and talking in classroom.]

Karen:  “I read the paper and I noticed people around here are into that horoscope stuff.  Are you into the dark arts and that kind of stuff?”

Ace:  “Nope.  Not really.  I know about a lot of stuff but that stuff’s kind of weird, you know.  Floating tables and Ouija boards and like that.  That levitation type stuff.  I know people that have done it but it’s really not my thing.  But yeah it’s kind of the area with the superstitions and that kind of stuff.  Friday the 13th, broken mirrors and seven years bad luck, don’t step on a crack and that kind of stuff.  I’m a black sheep so I’m not much for following rules and all that.  That following the rules stuff gets kind of boring really.”

Karen:  “I’m not really into that kind of stuff either.  I like looking through the horoscopes for ideas and such.  A lot of good ideas about relationships in the horoscopes.  My sign is a Pisces but I’ve noticed my horoscope kind of follows more with Ares the Ram than Pisces.  Do you believe in astrology and all that?”

Ace:  “Not really.  There’s the stars and all that but I’m not much for planetary alignments and moons in the seventh house and that kind of stuff.  I’m interested in astronomy but not really astrology.  I am kind of one of those if it happens, it happens and if it don’t it don’t.  Maybe it’s all decided for us and we’re just preprogrammed robots, but maybe not.  Palm reading and such is different but I’m not too sure on that stuff either.  I’ve never really studied it that much.  It seems like if we are preprogrammed robots according to a plan then the plan is probably written somewhere.  Are we really here or just figments of our own imaginations?  I fart so therefore I am.  That kind of stuff.”

Karen:  “I believe in God and that things are the way they and are meant to be according to His plan.  I’m a Methodist or as you call then around here, a holy roller.  I’m kind of flexible on that stuff because there’s some stuff the Church teaches that just don’t sound right or make sense.  So I am just a kind of conglomerate of different ideas and beliefs really.  Like you I’m not much for that superstition stuff and the old wive’s tales.  Some of that stuff is funny though.  But I pretty much go with if it works, it works and if it don’t it don’t.”

Ace:  “Me too.  If it’s true, it’s always true and if it’s false, it’s always false.  Yeah, we call them holy rollers around here with all of that singing and dancing stuff that goes on.  I have a neighbor that’s into that Wicken stuff, you know, all natural and eye of newt and toad of frog and all that, she tells everyone she’s a witch.  To each their own.  I believe in life after death and all that, but I’m not much for all that mystical amulets and that kind of stuff.  What good is the amulet without someone to use it.  I believe that people are the ones that make the difference not some magical stone or whatever.”

Karen:  “Me too.  People make the difference.  It’s up to us really.  Shoot, time flies when you’re having fun.  We probably ought to pack up and get home before they worry about us.  This has been really interesting.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Ace:  “Yup, really interesting and I’ll see you tomorrow as usual.  Yeah, we should be getting home before it starts getting dark out.  Glad you’re doing OK still.  That’s right we still got to talk about that other stuff you said you were having problems with yet.”

Karen:  “That’s right.  I’m still working on getting that stuff around as it’s pretty involved and I don’t want to miss anything.  Probably be next week some time.”

[Karen and Ace pack up and leave for the day.]

Scene 0016 - "Love You Too"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace comes in to room and Karen is looking worried and sitting in her chair.  Ace walks up to Karen and just looks at her, Karen looks back.  No talking.  Ace kind of sniffs with his nose and then Ace starts smiling and Karen is smiling too.  Ace points to himself and Karen shakes her head yes.  Ace hugs himself and Karen hugs herself too.  Then Ace draws a heart on his chest with his right hand and then points at Karen with his index finger and then holds up two fingers.  Karen draws a heart on her chest with her right hand then points at Ace with her index finger then holds up two fingers too.  Ace than walks around and sits in his chair.  Karen is still sitting in her chair.  Both Ace and Karen have both their arms out on their desks with hands reaching towards each other and sit their for a bit then someone walks into room and Ace and Karen break eye contact and act like nothing had happened.]

Scene 0017 - "Am I the Girl Of Your Dreams?"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen sitting.  Ace walks into room towards Karen’s side of her desk then Ace walks around to the other side of the desk and looks at Karen with his hands on the other side of her desk a little passed shoulder length.  Karen does the ‘cute girl’ pose with both of her elbows on the desk and her fingers together on top of each other (not interlocked) and her chin on top of her fingers with a big cheesy type smile.]

Karen:  “Am I the girl of your dreams?”

Ace:  “I honestly can't lie to you Miss Bihuniak.  I think about you all the time, but I have honestly never had a dream about you.  I used to have some pretty wild dreams and such until over this summer when I had a weird dream where I fell off a plateau like in the Road Runner Wile E Coyote cartoons and I actually hit bottom.  It was so cool that I replayed it in my sleep three times and then I had a thought in my dream of 'I think you may have just had a heart attack and you better wake yourself up'.  So I woke myself up and kind of gave myself CPR just in case.  But ever since then, once in a while I get a weird tone in my ear like in the ear test."

Karen:  “I think they call that tinnitus.”

Ace: "But anyway, I guess according to the dream experts or whatever, it is supposed to mean that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to do.  But after that dream, I haven't actually had a dream since."

Karen: "I heard that when you hit bottom you die."

Ace: "I heard that too, but I don't think it's true."

Karen: "I thought it was weird too because usually when I meet a guy that I like, I start getting dreams about them, but I haven't dreamt about you yet.  I still have dreams though."

Ace: "You are really more like a dream come true, maybe that's why."

Karen: "I kind of feel the same way about you, like you are my dreams come true too."

[Ace and Karen both look at each other in a starry eyed type gaze for a few seconds then Ace walks around Karen’s desk and sits down.]

Ace: "Sorry, I just got a little dizzy there and I had to sit down."

Karen: "Me too, but I was already sitting down.  Are you alright?"

Ace: "I never felt better.  I always feel wonderful when I 'm around you for some reason.  I don't usually feel dizzy though.  This is a first for me."

Karen: "I've had it for a while myself.  You start feeling like you are dizzy and floating on air.  I think you caught the love bug."

Ace: "I think you're right.  You've got it too?"

Karen: "I've had it for a while now.  I was wondering when you were going to notice."

Ace:  "I thought you were just being nice to me because I was a kid."

Karen: "At first I was just being nice, but you kind of grew on me in a hurry.  The way you always smile around me.  The sound of your voice.  I just feel so relaxed when I'm around you.  You just have this calming effect on me like no matter what happens, everything will be alright.  I just couldn't help myself."

Ace: "You're a really nice person and I just can't help but be nice around you.  I like seeing you be happy because it makes me happy too.  I just can't help myself either.  I really like seeing you smile."

Karen:  “Me too. It's getting late, we probably ought to get going.  I'll see you tomorrow."

[Ace and Karen leave the room.]

Scene 0018 - "The Diary Talk"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting.  Karen is writing in her diary and has her hand up on that ‘hold on a second’ motion.]

Karen: "Hold on a minute, I'm writing stuff in my diary.  I'm writing some really good stuff about you, do you want to read it?"

Ace: "Not really.  We pretty much know so much about each other that it is kind of nice having a secret once in a while."

Karen: "Fair enough."

Karen: "Do you keep a diary?"

Ace:  "No, that's girl's stuff.  My sister keeps a diary and pretty much all she writes in it is I love Donny Osmond."

Karen: "You don't read your sister's diary do you?"

Ace: "No, I see her write I love Donny Osmond all over it and that's personal stuff anyway which I really don't want to know.  I'm a guy and I'm not really interested in her girl stuff."

Karen: "That's good that you respect her privacy.  She probably has some personal things written in there that she doesn't want you to see or know."

Karen: "I keep a diary because I can look back at my diary and see what happened and when and what I was thinking at the time.  And it is nice sometimes to look back at when I was younger and remember things that happened that I forget about.  My hopes and dreams and that kind of stuff too.  I try to at least write a little something in my diary every day.  I guess guys call them journals, but it is the same thing really.  You ought to try it."

Ace: "I have a photographic type memory so I don't really do a diary.  I did it for a short while when I was little, but it got boring for me very fast.  I do things every day, but I don't really consider myself to be a writer and I would rather be doing stuff than writing about it."

Karen: "Actually, you are a good writer.  Your papers are usually the first ones I look for when I am correcting stuff because your writing is usually very thoughtful and fun to read.  And that's also kind of my point.  I do stuff every day too like you, but I feel by writing about it, I can remember it better if I need a reference later on.  Stuff like who I talked to, where I was, what happened, what I was thinking.  It's kind of my life's encyclopedia set.  My reference book.  Really, you should try it.  I have a feeling you have a lot more to write about than you realize."

[Karen pauses and looks at Ace for a second or two.]

Karen: "I can see this is falling on deaf ears with you.  But also I can see a time down the road when you are going to say you wish you had listened to me when you are trying to remember stuff that you could have very easily have written down after it happened, but you didn't because you thought it was a girl thing.  It isn't.  Ernest Hemingway kept a diary and most great authors kept a diary too, excuse me, journal, same thing.  But anyway, I am not going to keep harping on you about this because I know you aren't really listening anyway.  I have said my piece."

Scene 0019 - "Freezing Up In Class"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), students in 8th period English class.

[Karen is writing on blackboard and talking about prepositions.]

Karen:  “Prepositions are words…”

[Karen turns around after writing on blackboard and Karen freezes in class and Karen and Ace are just staring at each other for about fifteen seconds.  Ace breaks eye contact and looks at ground.  Karen is standing looking at class with a blank stare on her face.  Then…]

Karen: "Where was I?  Just a second."

[Kids snickering in background.  Karen leans over her desk towards Ace.  Ace in a low voice…]

Ace:  “You were talking about prepositions.”

Karen:  “OK.  Got it.  Prepositions…”

[After class and everyone leaves after final homeroom of day.  Karen and Ace both sitting.]

Karen:  "What was that?  I know it isn't your fault, but all of a sudden I just got some thoughts in my head after we made eye contact.  And thanks for looking away and reminding me where I was, I just lost it there because I felt you staring.  And I know it wasn't one of those undress me with your eyes type stares either.  It felt like you wanted me to meet you in the closet and make out with me.  I could feel you caressing every inch of me and it felt great.  I was enjoying every minute of it.  And then I could feel you trying to guide me to the closet and I just froze up.  It was really odd.  I just can't explain it, but I felt it."

[Ace doesn’t answer and just puts his hands over his mouth.]

Karen:  "You were?"

[Ace shakes his head yes.  Karen then puts her hands over her mouth too.  Ace takes his hands away from his mouth.]

Ace:  "I just couldn't help it, you were up there and those thoughts just came into my head.  I like a lot of foreplay and I just couldn't help it.  It just happened."

Karen:  "I know.  I like a lot of foreplay too.  I couldn't help it either.  I actually wanted to go into the closet, but I froze up somehow.  We couldn't have gone in the closet anyway."

[Karen walks over to closet and opens doors and inside closet are shelves and books piled on those shelves.  Then Karen sits back down with her coffee mug of tea.]

Ace:  "I don't think we want to go through that again.  It was wonderful and all, but the rest of the kids in the class would start talking if they figured out we were staring at each other like that.  When you start teaching, I'll just stare down at your desk or the floor, and then when I hear chalk on the chalk board, I will look up again.  When I see you put the chalk back in the tray, I will start looking down again.  I would rather look at your front, but if I am going to memorize every inch of you, I should probably look at your caboose once in a while too.  You have a really nice caboose too, just as a reference."

Karen:  "Caboose?  I'll go with that I guess.  I can think of a few other choice words people have used for it over the years, but caboose wasn't one of them.  I kind of like it.  Caboose it is."

Ace:  "Me too, it's nice and shapely like the rest of you.  Just enough in all the right places without overdoing it."

Karen:  “Everyone’s a critic.  Led Zeppelin Four The Runes is a really good album.  You would probably like it.  It has this picture of a guy hauling hay on the front.  I haven't really noticed my caboose lately for some reason I guess I have fallen a little behind on that, but you have a nice caboose too you know."

[Karen sipping on her tea and looking at Ace.]

Ace:  "I'll try not to look directly at you while you're teaching.  I don't think we want this happening again too many times.  The other kids haven't figured it out yet.  I think we'll be alright so long as we don't stare at each other while you're teaching."

[Originally Karen has her cactus on the middle of her desk on the side towards the students.  After this Karen moves her tabletop book rack from the right side of her desk to the middle and her cactus is over on the right side.]

Scene 0020 - "Kiss My Butt"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[End of homeroom before first period.  Karen in her teacher’s chair and Ace on same side of desk.  Ace reaches around and puts a taped sign saying “kiss me” with an arrow pointing straight down on Karen’s back.  As Ace walks away, Karen puts a taped “kick me” sign with an arrow pointing straight down on Ace’s back.]

[Later during lunch break.]

Karen:  “I thought you were up to something.”

Ace:  “Who, me?”

Karen:  “Yes, you.  Max across the hall kissed my butt earlier.  Any ideas why?”

Ace:  “Not a clue.  But I do have a lot of ideas.”

Karen:  “I can imagine.  I got my eye on you.”

Ace:  “Me too.  Yeah, I felt you put that sign on my back and I took it off.  Sorry about that.”

Karen:  “I bet.  You little sneak.  I’ll get even with you when you least expect it.  You’ll see.”

Ace:  “Yup, we’ll see.  I think we both got eyes in the back of our heads now.”

Scene 0021 - "English French Class"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Mrs. Cecile Woeppel, Mr. Steve Swanson

[Ace is in French class which is down around the hall.  Karen is teaching English class.]

Mrs. Woeppel:  “Ace to the blackboard.  OK, say out loud and write on the blackboard what you say.  Answer this question in French.  How are you doing today?”

[Ace writes on blackboard and oddly, while teaching English class, Karen does the same thing as Ace in her classroom.]

[Mr. Steve Swanson, math teacher, is coming down the hall and gets to corner of hallway and hears Ace in one room and Karen in another saying the same thing out loud at the same time.  Steve stops in corner of hallway before getting to bathroom.]

Karen [writing on blackboard]:  “And then we…”

Karen and Ace [writing on blackboards and speaking in French at the same time in different rooms – split screen]:  “Je suis génial.  Comment allez-vous?”
[Kids in Karen’s class are laughing and Karen looks at blackboard and then goes out into the hallway and sees Mr. Swanson there in the corner.]

Karen:  “What just happened?  Do you know?”

Mr. Swanson [confused]: "It was the darndest thing but I just heard Ace down the hall answering a question and I heard you start saying exactly what Ace said at the exact same time.  I don't have a clue either.  I was just heading to the bathroom and I saw it and I heard it, but I still don't believe it."

[Karen goes back into classroom and sees where she wrote in French on the board.  Karen erases the French stuff and then continues her class discussion.]

Scene 0022 - "I See Your Thoughts"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom.  Karen looks at Ace with a puzzled look on her face.]

Ace:  "OK, What did I do now?"

Karen:  "Nothing, but I've been kind of going through your thoughts and I noticed you have some blank spots in there."

Ace:  "Yeah, you know how guys are.  Sometimes we just zone out and don't think of anything."

Karen:  "That's kind of weird, I'm thinking all the time and my mind is running constantly.  What's it like?"

Ace:  "Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Space, the final frontier.  To boldly go where every man has gone before to the land of peace and quiet and happy happy.  That's what it's like."

Karen:  "And you guys call us brain dead.  It figures." [Karen smiles.]

Scene 0023 - "Night Lights"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom.]

Karen:  “When I first got here I had been sleepwalking but I haven’t done that  since the first week.  I heard it is dangerous to wake a sleepwalker but no idea what causes it.”

Ace:  “Sleepwalking.  That’s different and kind of cool.  Probably just the change of surroundings but I don’t sleepwalk that I know of so no idea really what might cause that.  But it’s kind of neat when you think about it because you aren’t really awake but seem to know where you are and where things are while not being awake to see them.  Kind of interesting.  You also don’t hear about sleepwalkers walking off cliffs and that kind of stuff.  Yeah, I could see where waking a sleepwalker wouldn’t be a good idea really.  People that are sleepwalking don’t know they are doing it.  I think this stuff was where the shrinks got the ideas about conscious and subconscious thought from.  That and dreams.  Yeah, I still haven’t had a dream about you yet.”

Karen:  “I still haven’t dreamt about you yet either.  I use a night light at night so that if I get restless in the middle of the night I can walk around without turning the light on.”

Ace:  “My sister uses a night light because she’s afraid of monsters under the bed.  I don’t use a night light myself but a night light really wouldn’t bother me.”

Scene 0024 - "More Freckles"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace walking passed on other side of Karen’s desk.]

Karen:  “I know you fantasize about me, but I have a lot more freckles than that.  Could you please add some more freckles?  I almost feel like you are fantasizing about someone else."

Ace:  “I’ll try.  Like this?”

Karen:  “That’s better.  It still needs a little work though.  Besides Evil Karen, kids used to call me Freckle Face some times.”

Ace:  “Evil Karen?  That sounds interesting.  What gives?  You holding out on me?”

Karen:  “When I was younger and going to church some of the other kids used to pick on me because I had reddish eyes and reddish hair and they’d call me Evil Karen.  My eyes got a little darker as I got older but still.  One day my mom overheard them and so my mom dyed my hair a darker color when I was younger so the kids didn’t pick on me as much.  We weren’t rich or poor.  Kind of lower middle class but my mom used to sneak it in with the groceries and dye my hair when I was younger.  My hair is actually a strawberry blonde color which is why I have freckles.  You know how red heads always have freckles.”

Ace:  “Yup.  That’s for sure.  I was kind of hoping for a bad kid story but this is better as I don’t really see you as being a bad kid.  You’re too nice of a person.  I do however see you as being a handful and not listening too well.  I have that same problem myself but I try to behave for everybody else’s sake.  It’s tough some times though as you probably know.”

Karen:  “I’m with you on that.  I’d rather get yelled at than fussed over any day.  But being a teacher now I have to watch my P’s and Q’s a bit more than I’m used to.  I’d rather be in the back shooting spit wads myself, but someone’s gotta teach.”

Ace:  “I kinda know what you mean but it’s more my last name begins with D so here I am in the front row.  Surprise.”

Karen:  “You’re a surprise all right.  Any ideas on what you want to be when you grow up?”

Ace:  “Like you and I’ve been noticing too that we’re a lot alike, I can do about anything if I set my mind to it.  And that’s kind of the problem.  It’s not really about making a lot of money or such but more about trying to make a difference in the short time we have.  I’m not much really for all that celebrity and being famous stuff either.  I’m not much for people kissing my butt and all that.  Just not my thing.  All these professions have all these rules and such and I like bending the rules too much whenever I get the chance.  I like being the black sheep.  I have all the possibilities but all those possibilities add up to boredom if I pick just one.  I like keeping my options open just in case.  You never know.  I think the teachers usually see me as a doctor or teacher or such, but I’d be happy scrubbing toilets too.  Have to wait and see I guess.”

Karen:  “Yeah, like you too, I can do a lot of things if I just put my mind to it.  I’ve been noticing too that we’re a lot alike and it’s kind of weird.  It’s almost like looking in a mirror sometimes.  We both like being different.  My favorite color is red and black, not that bright red like Mickey Mouse but that deep burgundy red.”

Ace:  “Like kidney bean red?” 

Karen:  “Yeah, kind of.  When I look in the mirror, my eyes are my favorite to look at.  What’s your favorite color?”

Ace:  “Silver and black.  I like the contrast.”

[Ace and Karen give each other an astonished look and then a blank stare for a couple seconds.]

Ace:  “My favorite color’s gonna be clear now.”

Karen:  “I was just thinking about that.”

Ace:  “You can have clear if you want it.  I could change to opaque or whatever.”

Karen:  “No.  That’s fine.  I was thinking red and black and yellow.”

Ace:  “Did you catch jaundice?”

Karen:  “Yeah, are my eyes still yellow?” [Karen puts her fingers on her eyelids and spreads her eyelids apart a little.]

Ace [leaning over his desk]:  “I can’t really tell for sure.  I think it’s gone away but there’s too many stars in the way and I can’t tell for sure.  You’ll probably have to ask someone else.”

Karen:  “Actually, yellow is the going bananas color and you have me going bonkers lately.”

Scene 0025 - "Getting Close To You, Past Lives Talk"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Beginning of day.  Ace walks in and Karen is already seated.]

Ace:  “Mind if I try something different.  My mom always listens to this song and I feel like I should try and sing it to you?”

Karen:  “I was going to talk about the anorexia stuff as I finally got a list here but I think we got time.  Go ahead.  Shoot.  I’m all ears.”

[Ace looks at Karen for a couple seconds and starts playing his fingers on the desk like a piano.  Karen is enjoying every minute of this one.]

Ace [kind of singing]:  “Da da de dum da da da dee da da dum.  Da dee dum da dee dum da dee da.  Why do birds suddenly appear, every time, you are near, just like me, they long to be close to you.  Why do stars fall down from the sky, every time, you walk by, just like me, they long to be, close to you.  On the day that you were born the angels got together and decided to create the best in town, so they sprinkled moondust in your hair and golden starlight in your eyes of brown.  Diddly dum diddly dum.  That is why all the guys in town, follow you, all around.  Just like me, they long to be, close to you.  [trumpet sounds with left fist over mouth like a trumpet] ah uh ah ah uh uh ah ah uh ah.  On the day that you were born the angels got together and decided to create the best around, so they sprinkled moondust in your hair and golden starlight in your eyes of brown.  That is why all the guys in town, guys in town, follow you, follow you, all around, all around.  Just like me, they long to be, close to you.  Doo de doo da de da, da de da.  Just like me, they long to be, close to youuuu wah.. close to you, wah… close to you, ha… close to you, wah… close to you.  [sounding like drums] da doom da de da da dee da da dee, wah… close to you.”

Karen:  “That was neat.  Maybe we could try a duet on it later.  I liked all that extra stuff you threw in there.  Technically, you missed a couple things on your singing but you weren’t really trying to sing it like the record so that is to be expected I guess.  I also noticed you looked at my eyes before you started singing.”

Ace:  “Yeah, I noticed your eyes are a kind of reddish brown but that is kind of a mouthful so I shortened it to brown.”

Karen:  "As you notice, my eyes change color a little bit and go from a milk chocolate to a deep red brown.  That song means a lot to me, thank you for singing it to me.  [slight pause] I was born with red eyes and platinum hair and people thought I was going to be an albino but my eyes got darker as I got older.  Some of the kids used to call me Evil Karen because my eyes were reddish color when I was younger.  As I got older my eye color got darker and I didn't get picked on as much."

Ace: "When I was born I had slate gray eyes and platinum hair too and people thought I might be albino as well, but my eyes got a light blue color as I got older with a little bit of yellow here and there.  I didn't get picked on though."

Karen:  “I made a list up because there are a few things that are hard to pronounce and a bunch to remember here but I have anorexia nervosa and I had the past life regressive therapy done on me.  I’m not quite sure if any of this stuff has anything to do with my anorexia but I was hoping maybe you could help me sort this stuff out.”

Ace:  “I’m game.  Count me in.  Past regressive therapy on a teacher’s salary?  That stuff’s expensive but teachers usually have great medical coverage so sounds good.  Shoot.  I’m ready.”

Karen: "Can you keep a secret?"

Ace: "Sure, like I said in the beginning, feel free to talk about anything, anytime."

Karen: "I was having problems with eating so a hypnotherapist tried regressive therapy on me to see what might be causing my problems.  It’s weird because I was hypnotized but I can still remember what he did and the things that came up.  That past life stuff is in different languages so I hear what they are saying and I can kind of repeat it but I really don’t understand most of it.  Only a few names and such that came up."

Ace: "Sounds interesting.  I can keep secrets.  Outside you, I really don't talk much to people anyway.  Just hi here and there and idle chit chat."

Karen: "Do you promise not to tell?"

Ace: "I know we play jokes on each other and such, but honest, I promise I won't tell anyone."

Karen: "I'll know if you tell anyone and you'll regret if you ever tell anyone about this, trust me.  But they did what they call past regressive hypnotherapy on me to see if something in my past may be causing me to keep trying to lose weight.  They looked at my past and then the hypnotherapist actually went back further by accident.  The weird part is that I actually remember what the hypnotherapist did and I still remember the stuff that came up.  There are a couple that I haven't been able to figure out, but the really weird part is that I remember the stuff as it was.  In the couple I haven't been able to figure out, I apparently was a girl 16 years old and I was raped and killed by a Union soldier during the American Civil War.  The other seems to be about being a black woman and a black man speaking an african dialect of sorts with tongue clicks and such but I can't really make it out too well.  It's kind of fuzzy,"

Ace: "That rape one must be tough to think about and is probably blocked somewhat.  I actually see the black man and woman one with the warriors with shields and spears and such looking like they are preparing for war, but like you said, it is a bit fuzzy and nothing really stands out except there is a lot of red color and we have nice butts as black people."

Karen: "I agree on the nice butts on that one.  I like butts too.  I actually got a name and the story checks out on the rape one.  [and then Karen looks at Ace kind of funny] It was you.  You raped me."

Ace: "I wasn't around during the Civil War, but I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.  Are you sure it was me?"

Karen: "He looks exactly like you but it could be a coincidence, but he would have to be your exact double.  I've heard that we all have someone that looks exactly like us so maybe that was him.  Your exact double.  He doesn't sound like you."

Ace: "That's a relief.  Thanks.  I'll try to be more careful and I definitely know that I couldn't ever hurt let alone rape you, so I'm pretty sure that was someone else."

Karen: "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that but watch it.  I've got my evil eye on you.  Her name was Barbara Allen and I found out where she was buried in Chattanooga and I visited her grave and left flowers.  Her grave seemed very lonely and abandoned and I kind of got chills when I was there.  But it is tough to remember so I try not to think about that one if I can help it."

Ace: "I can imagine."

Karen: "The rest is kind of weird.  I remember some details in other languages and definitely some names too.  Promise you won't tell or make fun of me?"

Ace: "I might still pick on you about other stuff, but I promise I won't bring this stuff up with anyone else except you."

Karen: "Fair enough.  I'll trust you.  Like I said, the hypnotherapist went back too far and I started talking in odd languages.  The hypnotherapist didn't speak the other languages, but he recognized the stuff I was talking about and a few names and such.  But anyway, after the therapy sessions, I remember the memories that I talked about to the hypnotherapist.  How religious are you Ace?"

Ace: "Well, honestly, they kicked me out of Sunday School at Church when I was 9 if that helps."

Karen: "OK, well one of my memories is about Mary Magdala.  I know people say Magdalene, but Magdala.  Mary spoke hebrew so I don't really know what she actually said, but I can kind of figure it out.  Mary definitely wasn't a prostitute. Mary had all of these different guys around her which I think were Jesus' apostles and it appears Jesus had a problem and approached Mary about it.  Jesus' problem was that he was a bit large for most women to handle.  I know what Jesus looked like naked.  Jesus was hung like a horse, so to speak.  I feel kind of naughty about remembering it.  I, Mary, called him Yeshua, not Jesus.  We both took our robes off and when he tried to get on top, I squeezed around his sides with my legs and I rolled him over on the ground and I got on top.  We held each other's hands and I did all the work.  He had green eyes and curly dirty blond hair.  Oops, I'm sorry, was that too much information for you?  Are you alright?"

Ace: "I'm fine.  I forgot to tell you that I'm not a virgin either.  Do you remember when you froze up in class because I had those wild thoughts in my head?  Well, I just saw what you saw just now.  He's about 10 or so inches long and about an inch and a half to two inches around and circumcised too.  I think you or Mary or whatever made the right choice on that one.  That one might have hurt a bit otherwise.  I'll definitely keep my mouth shut on that one.  I know the Church would probably have you boiled in oil on that one if it became public so to speak.  Also, I can't tell, did he have an inny or an outy belly button?  I can't really tell because there's something in the way [and Ace kind of giggles]."

Karen: "Thanks.  He definitely had an inny.  I can tell.  He has a hairy belly but there's nothing sticking out outside you know [and she giggles a little].  You see it too?"

Ace: "Kind of I guess.  He is kind of hairy there, not there, but you know what I mean."

Karen: "I know what you mean and you're being naughty.  Anyway, it seems that the others thought of me as his mistress or whatever and seemed to be jealous or angry at me most of the time except his mom.  It seems like we spent a lot of time talking with one another and not just you know.  I'm not sure where Jesus came from because his name is Yeshua and there's no J sound in it.  Yeh shoo uh, no J.  Then I have this other one where I am speaking aramaic and I'm with a guy named Enoch [ee no ch], long e long o and ch as in chips, not E knock or whatever.  But I had a great grandmother named Edna, but she didn't speak aramaic, nor do I.  Me and Enoch had I think seven children with one of them named Methuselah and another Gainad [and Karen laughs] and the others.  Methuselah was the one who named his sister Elizabeth too. I think Enoch's dad Yared named him Methuselah.  Methuselah was the name Yared was going to use for Enoch’s brother but Yared didn’t have another son. I am apparently Methuselah's mom and I don't talk or think about it much because it makes me feel old.  I kind of joke around and say my last words were glub, glub, glub.  I actually remember being swept away in a big wave of water and being underwater for a while and then this hand reached in and grabbed me and pulled me out of the water before I drowned.  The one that pulled me out looks exactly like you and sounds like you too.  After you pulled me out we both floated off into the clouds and that was the last I remember on that.  Thank you.  But it is kind of freaky me being Methuselah's mom a long time ago."

Ace: "Yeah, that sounds like something I would do at the last minute.  I'm still sorry about the rape one even though it probably wasn't me.  Do you forgive me?"

Karen: "I'm a Christian, of course I forgive you, but don't ever let it happen again or else"

Ace:  "Thanks.  I needed that.  Definitely better than a V8 [Ace slaps hand against head]. That stuff's yucky.  Well, I guess you're as old as you feel.  Being Methuselah's dad doesn't exactly make me feel like a spring chicken myself."

Karen: "I guess I was Moses' wife Tsoporo too.  I remember seeing us sitting around a bunch of sheep.  His name was Moses in Egyptian and he was called Mosha in Hebrew and he didn't stutter, but he had a lisp.  My name started with a ts sound, not an s or z."

Ace: "Mothith with a lithp, like thith."

Karen: "You shouldn't make fun of people like that.  How would you feel if someone made fun of you."

Ace: "Actually, I wasn't mocking, I was just kind of mimicking and besides I understand because as you can see, four eyes are better than two if you can't see too well."

Karen: "Exactly.  You made your point.  There's a bunch more, and I think we got time, but I'll try and hurry it up a bit, so...   Apparently, I was also the Queen of Bear Shit and I can see why they translated that to bear sheeba in the Bible, Mekada, and I had a son, Menelik, from Solomon.  That one is a kind of hebrew dialect.  I seem to remember taking the Ark of the Covenant to Ethiopia or such in a caravan with me and my son.  I can see the area where the Ark was placed, so I would know where it is if I was there.  Then there is another one where I was Delilah."

Ace: "Why Delilah, why?  I guess I need to stop cutting my hair then, that or I need to start singing Tom Jones songs."

Karen: "I like long hair but it can look kind of funny on some guys.  You might want to keep yours short though just in case.  Then there is another one in chinese where I am Yahtsodharai with a guy named Siddhartha Gautama.  We had a son named Rahula.  Apparently this guy is the one known as Buddha."

Ace: "Sounds really interesting so far, there's more?"

Karen: "You were a bad boy on this next one.  We're not turning Mormon and moving to Utah.  I won't allow it.  If you are going to be with me, it is going to be just you and me, understand?"

Ace: "Indubitably or whatever that word is, I'm only a one woman man, but what did I do this time?"

Karen: “The next one is about a guy named ya cob.”

Ace: “Probably a relation of corn cob.  I can see where this one might be heading.”

Karen: "Well, I was your other wife Rachel and you were a very naughty boy Jacob.  Four women.  Shame on you.  You should be ashamed of yourself, but I guess it couldn't be helped.  My father wouldn't let you marry me, so you were forced to marry my older sister.  Then you cheated on my sister with two other women.  What do you have to say for yourself?  I thought so.  You men are all alike.  Then you finally settled down after I finally told your mom, Rebekkah, and she got a hold of you and straightened you right out.  Serves you right and don't you forget it."

Ace: "I won't; I promise I won't forget it.  What was I thinking.  Imagine four women all asking do you love me all of the time.  What in the blazes was I thinking?  Good thing I don't remember it because that must have been horrible.  I probably just blocked that one out of my mind completely it was so bad.  I promise I won't do that again to myself, er, um, I mean you."

Karen: "I'm pretty sure you learned your lesson after that one.  Serves you right too.  You got what you deserved."

Ace: "I'll say and then some.  That'll teach me."

Karen: "Well, apparently I was the prophet Muhammad's first wife, Khadijah, and I was a wealthy business woman too before I met him.  Her last name was Koo way lid and I remember her last name because it sounds like kool aid.  We had seven kids I believe but one or two died young.  His name was [and Karen reads from a piece of paper] Abu al Qasim Muhammad bin Abdallah bin Abd al Mutalib bin Hashim which is a mouthful which was why I wrote it down."

Ace: "Abdullah.  That's actually kind of cool.  Don't worry, I definitely won't tell.  I probably won't remember half this stuff anyway.  Any more?"

Karen: "I think that's about it.  My eating problem seems to be from when I was growing up and I noticed that all the boys liked girls that were skinny, so I picked up some bad habits to try and be thinner.  But I have big bones so it is kind of tough for me to stay slim looking.  That and I felt awkward because I was a late bloomer.  I also feel awkward because I feel the need to stay skinny to attract the right guy when he comes along, but when I'm skinny I start feeling like guys are watching me more and I start feeling like some guy is just going to rape me someday.  It's a vicious cycle.  I've never been raped or such.  I just get these weird thoughts in my head at times about it.  I don't know why I get these weird thoughts, I just do."

Ace: "You look great for being Methuselah's mom.  I know it's not funny, but it's true.  You would look great being anyone's mom really.  You definitely don't look old enough to be a grandma yet.  I probably ought to shut up before I put my foot in my mouth again.  Let's face it, we're both the types that show up on a blind date and next thing you know the date has to go to the bathroom and never returns.  A nice personality doesn't go too far nowadays.  We definitely aren't going to win any beauty pageants.  But then too, you don't need to please everyone, you just need to find that one special someone.  I think we're both special in our own ways."

Karen: "I've had that blind date thing happen a couple times myself, both ways.  You almost did put your foot in your mouth, but nice save.  That beauty pageant comment is what saved you.  And please don't put your foot in your mouth again like you did before.  I know you were just trying to be funny, but that was disgusting.  Actually, would you sing Close To You as a duet with me?"

Scene 0026 - "Therapy Not Working"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Combined scene with Karen and Ace sitting and talking.]

Karen:  “Past regressive therapy is very expensive but it works.  Afterwards we found out that there was nothing in my past lives to cause an eating disorder."

Karen:  ”One therapist kept trying to tell me that I was an over achiever.  I said how can I be an over achiever when I really don't have any goals or objectives?  Figure that one out.”

Ace:  “Yeah, that’s a tough one there.”


Karen:  “It seemed like every time I said something to one of them, I got told that I was wrong and that I was lying.  A prime example is that me and my brother Richard have never competed against each other.  I told them that Richard and I are brother and sister so we compliment and not compete with one another.  What were Richard and I going to compete over?  Who could iron shirts the fastest?  For some reason they couldn't answer me on that one.”

Ace:  “Me and my sister don’t compete really but we do argue a little.  She’s kind of stubborn like my mom and dad so I kind of avoid them if I can.”


Karen:  “I remember the one session where me and my family were there and they kept accusing us of being liars and that we were just trying to cover up for each other and hide from the truth, so I asked them what the truth was and we all just sat there silent for a little while and then we all just walked out on them.  That's the truth.”

Ace:  “That sounds about par for the course.  I don’t know what they’re thinking either.  Maybe they aren’t.  That’s pretty bad.”


Karen:  “It seemed like a game with them that every time I said something they would try to tell me that I said the exact opposite of what I said.  I would try to correct them and they would say that I wasn't listening.  So then I said, Earth to therapist, if I wasn't listening then how did I know that what you said wasn't what I said?"

Ace:  “That sounds like they aren’t paying attention too well.  Probably mixing you up with someone else.”

Karen:  “Nope.  They have these crazy ideas of what an anorexic should be and those ideas are nothing like me at all.”

Ace:  “I’ll say.”


Karen:  “They seem to just keep trying to dig up dirt on me for the tabloids.  I don't have any dirt.  I have nothing to hide.  So they keep making stuff up."

Ace:  “You’d think after a while they’d run out of ideas but I guess not.”


Karen:  “Most of the time I have no idea who they are talking about.  About all I hear is the word Karen and then a bunch of stuff comes out of their mouths that doesn't make any sense or sound like me at all."

Ace:  “That sounds about right.  Wouldn’t want them to say something wrong that might be right.  That would be a real mess.”

Karen:  “Yeah, something like what you just said, whatever that was.”

October 1978

Scene 0027 - "Butter Knives Part 1"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace in classroom talking]

Ace:  “Hi Yaz, one of the kids mentioned something about you sticking your finger down your throat in the bathroom earlier.”

Karen:  “It’s true.  I did.  Do you think I’m nuts too?”

Ace: "No.  Not at all.  You are definitely not fat or crazy.  You stuck your finger down your throat and it did not taste so good.  My finger doesn't taste too good either.  No big deal.  I have a step uncle, Clarey that stripped down naked because he thought it made him invisible and then he got on my grandfather's kitchen table and threatened to do everyone in with a butter knife.  That's nuts.  They had to straight jacket him and take him away in a rubber truck with bouncy walls inside.  I don't think you're nuts.  But if you do go nuts would you let me know because I think that would be quite a sight and I like tomboys that aren't afraid to make mud pies and such."

Scene 0028 - "Butter Knoves Part 2"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Max Baer Jr.

[Karen sitting in classroom.  Karen looks sad and grumpy.  Ace walks in and goes to same side of desk Karen is on.  Max across hall.]

Ace:  “Morning Yaz.”

Karen:  “Yaz?”

Ace:  “Yeah, Yahtsodharai or Carl Yastrzemski?  Take your pick.”

Karen: "I like Nolan Ryan.  I guess I’m not used to home cooking.  I gained ten pounds.  I feel like a beached whale."

[Ace standing next to Karen’s chair on the same side of her desk.  Ace looks to left and then to right of Karen and then Ace looks straight at Karen.]

Ace: "I don't see a water spout or fins yet.  Are you sure you are turning into a beached whale?  You look fine to me except maybe a little grumpy."

Karen: "I gained ten pounds.  I'm fat.  I was 94 pounds and now I am 104, what am I going to do?  I feel fat."

Ace: "I probably gained ten pounds of muscle myself climbing up and down those stairs, and now I probably need to go down those stairs again to the cafeteria and grab two butter knives."

Karen: "Grab two butter knives for what?"

Ace: "Because you can exercise to lose fat, but I am not sure how to lose muscle and I am probably going to drive myself crazy trying to figure out how someone can lose ten pounds of muscle.  You are already a beached whale, so I figure if I get a couple butter knives and clear off your desk, we can go crazy together like my uncle Clary did."

Karen: "You're probably right, I hadn't thought about going up and down the stairs and toning up and gaining muscle and all that."

Ace: "From what I see, even though you are a beached whale now, you still look the same as you did before.  But it's not looks, but what's inside that counts anyway and if there's some guy that can't see what a wonderful person you are because of ten or even a hundred pounds, then you're with the wrong guy."

[Karen’s chair is facing towards door with Karen sitting.  Ace is facing towards Karen and in front of Karen.  Max walks up behind Ace.]

Karen: "There's no other guy.  No guys actually.  Would you hurry up and go down to the cafeteria and get those butter knives while I clear off the desk and barricade the door?"

Ace [quietly]: "There is someone behind me, isn't there?"

[Karen puts her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing and shakes her head yes.]

Max: "Am I interrupting something?"

Karen: "No, come on in.  We were just sharing some jokes we heard to help start the day off right."

[Ace moves around and sits in his chair staring at Karen.]

Max:  “I just figured we could get ideas for the school pictures coming up.”

[Karen is motioning Ace to leave the room but Ace is just sitting there.]

Karen:  “That’s right school pictures are coming up aren’t they.”

Scene 0029 - "Butter Knives Part 3"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen sitting in classroom and Ace walks in.]

Karen: "We needed to talk, why didn't you leave the room?"

Ace: "You were so down in the dumps earlier, I wanted to make sure you were alright."

Ace: "You're mad at me, aren't you?  I'm sorry.  Please don't be mad at me.  [Ace is almost in tears now]  I'm sorry.  Is there any way I can make it up to you.  I can't handle you being mad at me.  I'm losing it, ain't I?  I can't help it.  I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

Karen: "It's OK, I smoothed it over anyway with him, but I need you to talk to him tomorrow."

Ace: "OK, no problem.  I'm really sorry.  I didn't realize because I was so worried about you earlier."

Karen [big bright smile]: "We just had our first argument."

Ace: "Hey, you're right.  You won that one by a long shot."

Karen: "Max was the one that helped me to get my job here.  I am very grateful to Max because if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here teaching.  The school board was saying no because I have a drawl in my voice and they were worried that you kids might start talking funny.”

Ace: “Talkded funny.  Us no talkded funny.  What am giveded them that darn foolded idears?  Surely not am us.”

Karen: “Cute, but don't let the school board hear you talking like that or they will have me out of here.  Max literally stood up to the entire school board and threatened to quit if they didn't hire me. Thanks for earlier, I was feeling pretty down in the dumps."

Ace: "That's OK, I probably was a little grumpy myself.  It happens."

Karen: "If I did have a boyfriend, would you get jealous?"

Ace: "Nah, I am not the jealous type really.  I like people being happy and jealous people never seem to be happy.  Just one of my many quirks I guess.  Do you have anyone in mind?"

Karen: "Max has someone else."

Ace: "Do you want me to try and steal her away from him?"

Karen: "You would wouldn't you?"

Ace: "In a heartbeat."

Karen: "Max is nice and all, but he really isn't my type. As far as the jealousy, I was just checking just in case, but I kind of noticed that you aren't looking for anyone either."

Ace: "If it happens, it happens, but every time I try to make something happen it always seems to fall apart."

Karen: "Me too.  I know what you mean. Well if something happens, I hope I don't get jealous.  You are a really wonderful person too."

Ace: "Helping you feel better helps me feel better too you know.  I'm not exactly a ray of sunshine myself most of the time if you haven't noticed.  I do always try to make the best of it though and I was really glad that I was there for you this morning.  Are you feeling better now?"

Karen: "Much better.  Thanks again.  We probably ought to get going before people start to wonder where we are.  I am staying with my cousins and they can get kind of worried sometimes."

Ace: "Yeah, my parents are that way too if I'm not home by a certain time.  See you tomorrow.  Glad you are feeling better again and don't worry, if you need privacy or whatever, just ask and I'll go to the bathroom or whatever."

[Ace and Karen then pack up and leave the room for the day.]

Scene 0030 - "Funny Names Part 1"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Max Baer Jr.

[Karen is standing and Ace comes into room.  Max walks over from across the hall.]

Ace: "Sorry about yesterday Mr. Baer, Miss Bihuniak was having a rough morning and I was worried about her being down in the dumps.  I should have left so that you and her could talk privately but I didn't.  I'm sorry.  I'll try not to let it happen again."

Max: "That's all right my boy, just water under the bridge, we talked later anyway.  You can call me Jethro if you want, everyone else does around here.  I just have that goofy voice."

Ace: "I like Mr. Baer better.  More distinctive.  You're a really nice person and deserve a bit of respect even with your goofy voice."

Max: "I have a really goofy middle name too.  What's your middle name?"

[Karen starts snickering off to the side with her hand over her mouth.]

Ace: "Clair."

Max: "Clair, that's a girl's name, I think you got me beat on that one."

Ace: "It's the boy's spelling without the e at the end.  And my real first name is Adrian which makes me sound like a hair dresser or something, which is why I go by Ace."

[And Karen is laughing harder and bending over keeping her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.]

Max: "My middle name is Adalbert, Maximilian Adalbert Baer Junior."

Ace: "My full name is Adrian Clair Downing the third, hair dresser.  I think it's a tie."

[And Karen busts out laughing.]

Max: "Thanks Ace, I think that was a tie if you say so.  Now if you don't mind, Karen and I have some things we would like to discuss again about the upcoming school pictures, and so if you don't mind?"

Ace: "No problem, I think I have to go to the bathroom anyway."

[Ace leaves room and goes to bathroom next to Karen’s classroom.  Ace comes back and door is still closed so Ace sits on floor outside closed door.]

Scene 0031 - "Funny Names Part 2"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace and Karen sitting in classroom.]

Karen: "[quietly to self but loud enough to hear] It figures that I would get two guys fighting over who has the dumbest name.  Thanks.  I always wanted two guys to fight over me.  [regular voice]  Thanks for earlier, Max can be a real handful at times, but you handled it really well and so did Max really.  You really don't get jealous do you?"

Ace: "No.  I can't.  I only want you to be happy even if it means you are with someone else.  I'm sorry, but I can't be jealous over you.  I only want you to be happy.  Being jealous wouldn't make you happy.  I just can't be jealous over you even if you wanted me to be.  I just can't.  It isn't in me to be jealous over anyone."

Karen [big smile]: "You just kind of reminded me of a guy I knew in high school named Norm Friedlander.  Norm always smiled when he was around me and I often wondered if he had a crush on me.  Norm always had this big smile on his face whenever I saw him.  I could be having a rough day and somehow just seeing Norm smile made me feel better somehow...  You're such a sweetheart.  I hope you never change."

Scene 0032 - "School Pictures"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Mr. Tom Cook, photographer

[Classroom Ace and Karen talking.]

Ace:  “School pictures, you ready?”

Karen:  “As ready as I’ll ever be.  Let’s go."

[Karen and Ace walk down hallway to another classroom that is used as a storage room.]

Photographer:  “Hello.  Just setting up I’ll be ready in a second.”

Karen and Ace [same time]:  “Take your time.  Jinx.”

[Mr. Tom Cook, the history teacher, enters room.]

Photographer:  “OK, I need you two to line up on the other side of the desk together.”

Ace:  “I’ll sit at that desk out of the way.  You’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

Karen:  “I’m nervous.”

Ace:  “I’ll be right here, like I said, you’ll be fine.”

Tom Cook:  “Over here like this?”

Photographer:  “Almost, try and get a little closer.”

Karen:  “Just a second I have an idea.”

[Karen goes to chalkboard and writes ‘4X + 9’ in the middle of the board and then writes ‘Plot’ ‘Setting’ ‘Theme’ ‘Climax’ on the left side of the board.  The photographer lines Karen and Tom Cook up with the middle of the board.  Karen and Tom Cook are on the one side of a spare teacher’s desk and the photographer is on the other.  Ace is sitting in a desktop chair about 15 feet from Karen and Tom Cook.]

Photographer:  “OK. Smile for the camera.”

Karen:  “Oops, just a second.”

[Karen grabs a few papers laying around on the desk and puts a paper clip on the papers.  Karen then stands there looking down at the papers and Tom Cook is looking at the papers with Karen.]

Photographer:  “OK, smile pretty for the camera.”

[Karen closes her eyes when the flash goes off.]

Photographer:  “Didn’t quite get that one.  Let’s try it again.  Smile for the camera.”

Ace:  “Say rump roast.  Say Cod Liver Oil.  Say liver and onions.”

[Karen and Tom Cook are standing there trying to keep from laughing out loud and the photographer takes the picture.  After the flash goes off Karen laughs out loud and let’s out a snort and Tom Cook let's out a loud har d har type belly laugh.]

Scene 0033 - "Futility"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in room.]

Karen:  “You never know what you can do until you try.”

[Ace stands up and start flapping his arms at his sides like a bird with his arms straight out.]

Karen:  “What are you doing?”

Ace:  “You try too.  I’m flapping like a bird to try and fly.”

[Karen and Ace both flapping their arms like birds standing in classroom.]

Ace:  “That’s it.  Maybe we’re not flapping fast enough.  Try harder.”

Karen:  “This is good exercise and should get my heart rate up.”

Ace:  “We must not be doing this right, try bringing in your arms closer like this.”

[Ace and Karen fold their arms in so that their hands are by their own shoulders.]

Ace:  “That’s it now flap faster.  Faster.”

[Ace and Karen move arms straight out again and then back in again.  Then Ace and Karen jump straight up a couple times while flapping together.  Ace stops flapping and Karen stops flapping shortly after.]

Karen:  “This was fun.  Why did you stop?”

Ace:  “I just realized we’re not birds and we aren’t meant to fly even if we had feathers.  Do you remember when you were little and saw a bird fly by and thought it would be good if we could fly too like the birds?”

Karen:  “Yeah.  What’s your point?”

Ace:  “As we get older we tend to forget that first lesson about futility and realizing that we aren’t birds and that we can’t fly no matter how hard we try.  We’re not birds but we forget that lesson and just move on to other things.  We can always try but there are always some things we are unable to do no matter how hard we try.  Willpower is good for endurance, but sometimes we forget the lesson of futility and we keep trying to do something that we know doesn’t work.”

Karen:  “I see your point now.”

Ace:  “Kind of.  But quitting something that isn’t working can be difficult.  You can keep trying all you want but like with the flapping when we were little, there are some things that just don’t work and until we realize it doesn’t work we can keep doing the same things over and over again and getting nowhere in the process.  Futility in all its glory.  Quitting a bad habit can be a good thing if it keeps you from trying to do things that shouldn’t be done.  I still can’t figure out what we can do to get you to stop trying to lose weight yet.  I know you need to quit, I just don’t know how.  We know that it started because of your eating habits.  Originally you said you had your problem in 1975 because you had a rule of not eating four hours before sleeping and four hours before performing which can be worked around.  But I’m not sure about how to get you to quit thinking you need to be straight as a board like a little girl.  Hopefully somehow you realize that you’re a grown woman and that straight as a board stuff isn’t possible.  Until we can figure something out, just going to keep flapping our wings and trying I guess.”

Karen:  “Thanks.  I hadn’t thought about it like that.  And yeah, that thought just pops in there and I can’t figure out how to get it to quit from popping in there somehow.  I still don’t know why it just pops in there.”

Ace:  “Well at least we figured out we’re not birds before we tried to fly south for the winter and didn’t quite make it for some reason.”

Scene 0034 - "Dancing Lessons"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Principal John Heib, class of about 23 fifth graders

[Karen is sitting in her teacher’s chair and Ace walks into the room.]

Karen:  “So what did you do today for gym class?”

Ace:  “Dancing lessons.  Uck.  We did the Charleston.”

Karen:  “That sounds kind of fun really.  I haven’t danced in a while.  I don’t know the Charleston would you show me?”

Ace:  “OK, I ain’t that great a dancer and I’ve got two left feet but we could try.”

Karen:  “I got two left feet too.”

Ace:  “Well, I can dance on the bottoms and you can dance on the tops of our two left feet if you want.  It goes like this…”

[Ace demonstrates the dance and Karen follows along.]

Karen:  “See this is kind of fun.  Do you feel like trying something else?”

Ace:  “OK, you already got me making a big fool out of myself, what more could happen.  I’m game.”

[Karen and Ace do the Swim, the Mashed Potato, the Crawl and then the Twist.]

Ace:  “Hey, let’s try something different.  Follow me.”

[Karen and Ace then do off the wall stuff of the Spin, the Rinse, the Agitator and the bunny hop.]

Ace:  “Hop like a bunny, hop, hop, hop.”

Karen:  “I know.  Follow my lead.”

[Karen and Ace aren’t touching each other but waltz together.]

Ace:  “1 2 3, 2 2 3, 3 2 3 Waltzing Matilda.  Waltzing Matilda.  Won’t you come waltzing Matilda with me.”

Karen:  “This is great exercise.  Let’s keep it going.”

Ace:  “I know.  You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out, you do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about…”

[Karen and Ace continue doing the Hokey Pokey with right hand, left arm, right knee, left elbow, and then…]

Ace:  “You put your butt cheeks in, you put your butt cheeks out, you put your but cheeks in and you shake them all about…”

[At the door to the classroom, the Principal, John Heib, comes to the door escorting a class of fifth graders and they are standing at the door.  Karen spins around and sees the class and the principal standing there and then she just darts really fast and sits in her teacher’s chair and hides her head in her arms on her desk.]

Principal:  “And here we have our english teacher.  Um, well, we teach progressive education here [this is where Karen darts to her chair] as you can see.”

[Ace dashes over to his chair as well and the kids at the door all clap.]

Ace [to Karen]:  “I think you’ve got a fan club now.  Aren’t you going to lift your head and take a bow?”

Karen [with her head buried in her arms]:  “Go away.  I’m embarrassed.”

Ace:  “You look like an ostrich.  They’ve gone so you can lift your head now.”

[Karen lifts her head and the kids clap again.  Karen buries her head in her arms again.  Ace shrugs his shoulders and spreads his arms out to the principal and the kids as if to say without actually saying it “I tried” and then the kids and the Principal leave from the door.]

Ace:  “Seriously.  They’re gone now.  You can lift your head.”

[Karen lifts her head up.]

Karen:  “I’ll get even with you.”


extra scene.

[Karen sitting at her desk with her feet up on the desk.  Ace is cleaning the blackboard.]

Karen:  “Now let’s see who the smart one is now.  For the next two weeks you’ll be cleaning my room after school and you’d better do a good job too.  Empty the garbage, clean the erasers, wash the blackboard, replace the chalk.  Let’s see who’s the smart one now.  I’ll fix you Mister Smarty Pants.”

Ace:  “This’ll teach me for sure.  Do you need a foot massage and a back rub too?”

Karen:  “That’s not a bad idea.  Scratch that, we know very well that someone would walk in on us again.  Nice try buckaroo.  Keep working.”

Scene 0035 - "Froggy Went A Courtin'"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen sitting in chair and Ace leaves first homeroom class in morning.  On Karen’s desk in front of her book rack are two rubber frogs placed on top of each other.  Ace leaves class and next class comes in.  Kids in front row are snickering.  Karen walks around to the other side of her desk and sees the two frogs there and puts her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing and grabs the two frogs from her desk with her other hand.  Karen then walks with the frogs in her hand out to the doorway and yells out…]

Karen:  “I’m gonna get you you little sneak!”

[The classes are all laughing in the school.  Karen goes back to teaching.  Multiple scenes now with two frogs in different sexual positions.  A couple scenes with three frogs.  A scene with a frog and a rubber chicken.  A scene with a frog and a rubber shark.  A frog with a rubber bat, a frog with a rubber snake.  A scene with two rubber frogs and a teddy bear between them in front of her book rack, on top of her book rack, by her cactus, on the chalk tray on her blackboard.  A good mix there.]

[Extra scene.  Karen claps eraser on Ace’s chair before Ace gets in room.  Ace sits down.  When Ace leaves Ace has chalk dust on his pants when Ace walks out of homeroom.]

Scene 0036 - "Cousin Patti Visits"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Patti Carpenter

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom.]

Karen:  “You can call me Wendy if you like.  I don’t mind.”

Ace:  “Wendy, eh, that doesn’t sound right, I like Miss Bihuniak better.”

[Karen and Ace sitting in homeroom before school starts.  Patti Carpenter walks in.]

Patti [newspaper in her hand]: "Karen, I think I found my car.  Look."

[Patti puts newspaper in front of Karen on Karen’s desk.  Karen and Ace give Patti a concerned look.]

Patti: "That's just Ace, we took piano lessons together.  She's my cousin Ace.  Her name is Karen.  I ain't going to call her by her teacher name or whatever."

Karen:  “That’s not a bad car but remember our deal.  You need to do your chores and keep your grades up and keep your homework done and not show up late for school and no more getting in trouble.  Remember?”

Patti: “I know but look, it’s nearby, it’s got low mileage, it’s in good shape, it’s not too expensive, it’s just what I’m looking for.”

Ace: "A car is a big responsibility.  Are you ready to take on the responsibility of taking care of a car?  What if something goes wrong?"

[Patti turns her head around and talks to Ace while still facing Karen on the other side of Karen’s desk near Ace.]

Patti:  “Ace, you’re weird.  You sound just like my dad.”

[While Patti is turned around Karen is sitting at her desk and mouthing the words “Keep it up, keep it up” while motioning her hands to keep it up.  Patti turns back around to Karen and Karen is sitting there looking all innocent and concerned.]

Patti:  “Please Karen, please.  I really want a car and I’ll be good.”

Ace:  “And car insurance and gas and all that.  That’s a lot of responsibility.  Are you sure you want all that?”

Patti:  “I’m sure.  I’m really really sure about this.  Please.”

Ace:  “I don’t know.  Really I don’t.  It’s up to your cousin not me.  She’s the one you need to butter up not me.  I’m just an innocent bystander in this.”

Karen:  “OK Patti, pick up the phone on the wall and ask for an outside line and then give them the number to dial to call on the car.”

[Patti picks up the phone]

Patti:  “Hello, could you please get me an outside line and dial 555-8689?  Thank you.  Hello.  Yes, I am calling on the car you have for sale is it still available?  OK, thank you.”

Karen:  “Patti, hadn’t you better be getting to school, you’ll be late.  We can talk about the car later and I can pick you up after school.”

Patti:  ”Thanks Karen and thanks Ace.  You’re right, I need to get going before I’m late.  I’ll see you after school Karen.  Thanks again.”

[Patti leaves the room.]

Ace:  “They just grow up so fast.”

[Karen and Ace chuckle together.]

Karen:  “Thanks.  You know each other?”

Ace:  “Yeah, we both used to take piano lessons with Misses Kelly together.”

Karen:  “Oh shoot I just realized.  I better go after her.  She’ll never make it to school on time walking.  Would you look after things for a little while until I get back.  I’ll be right back.”

Ace:  “Sure, no problem.  You’re right, she won’t make it in time walking.  It’s about a five minute drive if you hit all the lights just right.  It’s about a half hour walk.”

Karen:  “Thanks.”

[Karen puts on her poncho and leaves.]   

Scene 0037 - "Upside Down"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace and Karen are sitting talking and then Karen pulls out her top drawer and the drawer is upside down so her pens and such fall on the ground.]

Karen:  “Oops.  What the?”

Ace:  “It seemed funnier when I thought of it but I’ll help you pick it up.”

[Ace starts picking up the stuff that fell out of Karen’s upside down drawer in her desk and Karen kind of smiles and turns the drawer over and puts it back in the desk.]

Scene 0038 - "Brother Richard Visits"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Richard Carpenter, kids in english class 8th period

[Karen and Ace sitting talking together during lunch period.]

Karen:  “My brother Richard just flew in and they found me.  I was running low on money so I made a withdrawal at the bank and they figured out where I am.  He’s just checking to see how I’m doing and I need you to do me a favor.”

Ace:  “OK, no prob.  What’s the favor?”

Karen:  “My brother knows me very well even better than you.  If my brother sees us looking at each other he’ll know something’s up and might ask me to go home.  I like it here and so if you could, when he walks in the room, if you would look away so he doesn’t see us looking at each other that would help.”

Ace:  “Sure.  No problemo.  Consider it done.”

[Lunch period ends and Ace and Karen split apart and then english class.  Near the end of english class Richard shows up and knocks on the door.  Richard is wearing a dark red burgundy color suit and carrying a bouquet of red roses.]

[Knock on door and Richard enters room with door open.  Ace looks away.  Richard comes in and hugs Karen.]

Richard:  “Long time no see.”

Karen:  “You brought me flowers.  My favorite.”

Kids in class:  “Miss Bihuniak has a boyfriend.”

Karen:  “Everyone, this is my brother Richard and he just came in from out of town.  Class Richard.  Richard class.”

[Richard waves.]

Kids in class:  “Hi.”

Karen:  “I’ll get a vase and some water for these.  I’m almost done with class.  You can have a seat if you like.”

Richard:  “I’ll just wait in the office and see you after class.”

Karen:  “Are you sure?”

Richard:  “I’m sure.  See you later.”

[Richard leaves room.  Karen finishes teaching and homeroom.  Extra scene coming up with homeroom here.]

Ace:  “You better get going, we’ll see each other in the morning.”

Karen:  “Thanks.  I’ll let you know tomorrow how it goes.”

Scene 0039 - "After Brother Richard Visits"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace talking before school starts.]

Karen:  “Thanks for yesterday.  Yeah I’m a little tired as me and my brother were up all night talking and I didn’t get any sleep but it all worked out.  My brother understood and so he will let the folks know everything’s OK.  We hadn’t talked in a while and as you can tell we’re very close.  I told him about us talking and how I’ve been working on my problems and that I’m doing better.  We talked up a storm last night and my brother is going to cover for me with the folks and stuff.  I think I’m in the clear.  Him and I talk about everything.  As you can tell we miss each other a lot as we really haven’t been apart much.”

Ace:  “That was kind of awkward with the kids thinking he was your boyfriend at first.  I could also tell that you two are close more because of our talks than seeing you and your brother.  I can kind of tell that you two work together all the time and kind of compliment each other.  Nice to see your other half I guess you could say.  It explains a lot.”

Karen:  “Richard is my brother and I love him dearly and this is the longest we’ve ever been apart from each other.  He was just concerned as like I said with the health problems and that anorexia stuff but he understands about taking time away and trying something different to see if that helps.  He has his own problems too.  But I think we’ve both kind of been in a rut for the last few years and we both have some problems to work on that we have to deal with on our own I guess.  It’s rough because we’ve always done things together and after you get used to that it is kind of hard to move on and try something different.  As far as boyfriends and girlfriends, it’s rough.  Richard and I are really close and the boyfriend girlfriend stuff is kind of awkward because Richard and I are so used to each other that finding someone else to be close to just doesn’t seem to work out.  It just falls apart because others are outsiders if that makes sense.”

Ace:  “That makes sense.  You and your brother are so used to the same routines and trying to change those routines is like giving up on yourself.  You are used to someone that you always work together with and most people are used to control and not used to working together.  That has to make it tough on you two finding someone else.  Yeah, like I said with the Max stuff before about things not working out so I stopped looking for someone else.  I get tired of all that control stuff and I’m looking for someone to work together with and share decisions together not be the boss or the slave or whatever.”

Karen:  “Yeah, like I said too I’m not really looking for anyone either.  Me and my brother have a lot of common interests together so we get along really well together.  We are a lot alike but we also have our differences too.  I’m the athletic one and my brother isn’t very athletic.  My brother’s the smart one and I’m kind of the air head.  You know.  It’s kind of hard trying to think for yourself when someone else usually thinks better than you do.  It’s also kind of weird too because I can kind of talk about this kind of stuff with you but not really with my brother.  Him and I are really close so we already know all this stuff and don’t really talk about it.  Richard and I just have this sixth sense about each other.  But it is really weird that you and I can actually see each other’s thoughts.  That’s a whole ‘nother ball game there.  I still ain’t sure what’s going on with that.”

Ace:  “Me neither.  That stuff’s weird.  You read about that kind of stuff in science fiction stuff but you don’t think it could ever be real.  The great part is that we can’t lie to each other because we can see each other’s thoughts.  But the rough part is that we know what we’re thinking without having to ask.  I don’t know why either but it is great having this happen but just not sure why.  Why us?  And with me being jailbait and all that, it’s just rough on both of us.  We finally find what we are looking for but we can’t have it all.  Only bits and pieces.  Just weird.  But I’ve noticed too that connection as your brother isn’t athletic but both you and me are and stuff like that.  And we can’t argue either because we know what each other is thinking.  We tried, remember, and you just won it hands down, no argument.  We also don’t need to make promises either.  We either agree or disagree.”

Karen:  “I’ve been kind of noticing that too.  We aren’t normal but in a good way I guess.  We both like being different.  Black sheep.”

Ace:  “Yeah black sheep.  That’s it.  We both try to put the round pegs in the square holes and the square pegs in the round holes and if they don’t fit, we just need to use a bigger mallet.”

Karen:  “Well, as you can see I’m staying so things worked out with my brother.  Thanks.”

Ace:  “No thanks needed.  Even if you had gone back I would have survived somehow and you too.”

Karen:  “You think so but what if I had gone back?”

Ace:  “We all gotta go sometime.  Speaking of which, isn’t it time for the others to start showing up and us having to head to the bathroom?  Glad you are doing better and I know you’re tired but you seem to be feeling better too.”

Karen:  “Thanks I am.  Richard and I had a long talk and I am feeling much better now as I’m not worried about them finding me here and what might happen if they found me.  They found me.  I’m still here.”

Ace:  “Me too.  Wherever here is anyway.  Are you sure we’re not robots or something?  This stuff seems like a script out of a sci-fi movie or such.”

[And kids start showing up for homeroom.  Maybe extra scene here.  Karen and Ace during lunch instead of talking together just put their heads in their arms and take a nap together for lunch.  But maybe not extra scene too.]

Scene 0040 - "Cubby O'Brien Visits"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Cubby O’Brien

[Classroom is dark and door is open.  Ace walks in and Karen and Cubby are sitting together on Karen’s side of her desk.]

Karen: "I would like you to meet someone."

Cubby: "Have you ever seen the Mousketeer Show on TV, well I'm Cubby."

Ace: "You're the guy before and I'm Annette."

[Ace does a type of curtsy.]

Cubby: "She was definitely a talented young lady."

[Cubby and Karen sitting together side by side in two different chairs.  Karen stands up and starts pacing back and forth while talking.]

Karen:  “We haven’t been busy lately so we are going to have to let you go.  We’ve stopped touring and are taking a break as you’ve noticed and unfortunately there just isn’t any work now.  It’s all kind of my fault because I need some time away from being on the road all the time so I figured it would be better coming from me than someone else.”

Cubby: "I'm a little disappointed because you are like family to me, but I understand.  I have some other things to keep me busy, but I am going to miss touring with you.  It has been a lot of fun over the last few years and if you start touring again definitely give me a call.  I am definitely going to miss you guys, but I guess it can't be helped.  Richard put you on the spot didn't he?"

[Karen shakes her head yes.]

Cubby: "It is bad timing with me just getting married again and all, but there really isn't a good timing for something like this anyway.  I am glad you told me now instead of beating around the bush.  I'll figure something out for now and I'm really going to miss you guys."

Karen: "I'm really going to miss you too Carl."

[Karen and Cubby hug and then Cubby leaves the room.]

[Karen is on the other side of her desk (the side towards Ace) walking back and forth.]

Karen: "I'm glad you were here because I was really nervous about how Cubby was going to take this and he seemed to take this better than I thought he would.  My brother Richard felt it would be better if Cubby heard it from me so I was the one that got the dirty job of telling Cubby about letting him go for now.  It is kind of my fault that we aren't touring anyway, but I am a bit more diplomatic than Richard and it was probably better if Cubby heard it from me.  Cubby and I were really close on tour and I almost lost it there, but I could feel you trying to hug me and it kept me from breaking down."

[Karen then sits on her desk.]

Karen:  “Thank you.”

[Karen stands up then walks to her side of her desk and sits with her legs on the back of her chair and her body on the seat part and her chair is over towards the door so that Ace can see her face sticking out from behind her desk.]

[Ace is sitting at his desk with a big grin on his face and his right hand resting under his chin and staring towards Karen.]

Karen: "My pajamas are red, just so you know."

Ace: "They look great over on the beige carpet."

Karen: "You cheater.  You're shagging me.  I thought you said no quickies."

Ace: "Couldn't be helped, we only got about 5 to 10 minutes before the others show up.  Check again, we're on a nice soft persian rug, it shows off your freckles better."

Karen: "Thanks.  I could actually use a quickie about now but don't let it get to be a habit and shag carpet makes me itch.  You think of everything.  Did you at least bring the champagne, glasses, and candles?"

Ace: "Of course, but I snuck the champagne in a grape juice bottle just in case someone saw.  They are over in the corner on the stand and I didn't light the candles.  You know how we like to move around.  Remember last time when we knocked the candles over and set the drapes on fire and the fire department showed up?  And listen, skyrockets in flight."

Karen: "I thought I heard that in the background.  I love that song too, Starland Vocal Band, nice choice."

[Karen kind of moans softly in her chair and Ace then has both forearms tightened up on the desktop.  Karen puts her hand over he mouth and then Ace relaxes and then Karen relaxes.]

Karen and Ace [same time]:  “Thanks I needed that.”

Ace: "We could both probably use a nap."

Karen: "I think you're right."

[Ace walks over and flips off the light switch to the room and Ace sits in his chair and Karen is at her desk and both Ace and Karen have their heads down in their arms.  About 5 minutes later the light switch gets turned on.]

Scene 0041 - "Paul Williams Visits.  Karen Who?"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Paul Williams

[Karen and Ace sitting and talking.  Karen is biting her nails.]

Karen:  “I’m so nervous.  Look I’m biting my nails I’m so nervous.”

Ace:  “What’s up?”

Karen:  “I’m going to need your help.  I have someone very important coming by during lunch and I need your help.  Will you help me?”

Ace:  “Sure, no problem.  What do you need?”

Karen:  “This is very important and I need you to help me stay calm.  Just be quiet and let me do all of the talking.  Don't say a word to anyone about anything you see or hear.  This will explain everything.  Just be quiet as much as possible and listen."

Ace:  “OK, will do.  Not sure what yet but will do.”

Karen:  “OK, I have someone coming during lunch and he is going to ask me to sign a contract but I can’t sign the contract.”

[Lunch time and both Karen and Ace are by the front door for the school.  Karen is still very nervous and a gentleman that Ace recognizes from a couple movies comes walking up to the school.  Karen and Ace meet him at the door and Karen and Ace escort Paul Williams into the school.]

Karen:  “Glad you could make it.  Sorry, I’m a bit nervous.  I saw Richard a little while ago and I told him to send you here so here you are.  This is my lookout.  He’s harmless but I feel we need a lookout for this.”

Ace:  “Hello.”

Paul:  “Hello.  Do you have a place where we could sit down?”

Karen:  “This was all last minute.  Sorry about that.”

[Ace, Karen and Paul walk inside and up the stairs to the third floor and into Karen’s classroom.  Along the way Ace plays lookout to make sure no one sees them going in and out.  Karen goes by the front of her desk and Ace escorts Paul to a desktop chair.]

Ace:  “Just a second.”

[Ace looks at chair and is actually trying to make sure that there isn’t any gum on the chair.]

Ace:  “OK, sorry about that.  I was just looking to make sure there weren’t any whoopee cushions.  We’re good.”

Paul:  “Whoopee cushions?”

Ace:  “We’re both a bit nervous, actually I was just checking to make sure there wasn’t any gum stuck to the chair.  Some of the kids chew gum and you never know.”

[Karen is really really nervous after this.  And then as Paul goes to sit down Paul is wearing a tan buckskin jacket with frills and a couple of the frills in the front left side get caught in the chair and rip off.  While Paul is sitting down his jacket just inflates almost like a balloon around the middle of the jacket.  Paul also has a reddish brown leather satchel with him as well.]

Karen:  “Sorry about that.  I can sew that back on for you if you wish or just send me the bill.”

Paul:  “It’s fine.  It’s an old jacket.  I’ll just put this away for safe keeping.”

[Paul puts the fringe in his left pocket with his right hand and then taps the pocket on his jacket after inserting the fringe.]

Ace:  “That’s odd.  I’ve never seen a jacket inflate like a balloon like that before.  Are you OK?”

Paul:  “I’m a dwarf.”

[Ace retreats by the door and looks out door while standing by door.  Karen is in front of her desk talking with Paul and Paul is seated in a desktop chair with Karen standing in front of him.]

Karen:  “I know why you’re here.”

Paul:  “Yes, I have your new recording contract for you to sign Karen.  You are a tough person to find.”

Karen:  “I’m hiding out here and staying with my cousin.  I am using my paternal grandmother's maiden name so that people don't know who I am.  It's worked so far.  My lookout doesn't even know who I am yet.  Just a couple family members is all.  And sorry about dragging you all the way out here but I know this is important.”

Paul:  “This is a bit unusual.  Do you have a baby grand around anywhere as I just want to make sure your voice is still good and that you are Karen Carpenter.  You aren’t exactly dressed like her and that wig but you do have her eyes.”

Karen:  “There isn’t a baby grand but there is an old upright piano in the auditorium downstairs if that will work?”

Paul:  “OK.  We can try it at least.”

[Ace leads the way and plays lookout while Karen and Paul follow behind to the stair well.  On the first floor, Ace has Karen and Paul stay behind the stairwell door.]

Ace:  “Stay here.  I’ll check to make sure the coast is clear.”

[Ace walks down the hallway and then back to the door.  And opens the door for Karen and Paul.]

Ace:  “All clear.  There is one class across from the auditorium but if we stay to the left we should be all right.”

[Ace leads way and Karen and Paul follow behind keeping to the left side of the hallway and aren’t seen.]

[After getting inside Karen and Paul go down the ramp to the upright piano there.  Ace stays by the door still playing lookout by the door with the door cracked open slightly and Ace looking out through the crack.]

Paul:  “Yes, this will do.”

[Paul sits at the piano and plays the keys a little.  The piano is slightly out of tune on I believe the F key and octave above middle C and the note is a little flat.]

Paul:  “A little out of tune but it will do.”

[Paul plays a few notes and as Paul plays the notes, Karen sings the notes back.  At the end Paul plays We’ve Only Just Begun and Karen sings the first couple bars after Paul’s intro.]

Paul:  “It’s definitely you Karen.  Only you have that golden voice that is music to my ears.”

Karen:  “Thanks for the warm up.  It’s been a little while since I last sang that.”

[There is a folding table set up down there and a couple chairs and Karen and Paul sit down with Paul and Karen side by side on the opposite side of the table from the door.  Paul pulls out his satchel on top of the table and pulls out a small stack of papers from his satchel.]

Paul: "We don't have much time left, so I will get to my point of coming here.  I have some papers for you to sign here for a new contract if you wish, but I have yet to fill in the amount."

[Paul writes a number on a small slip of paper and shows Karen.]

Karen:  “No.”

[Karen shakes her head slightly no.  Paul then crosses that number out and writes another number beneath it and shows Karen again.]

Karen: "I am very flattered and I know that is a very difficult offer for you to make, but I need to refuse for now.  I have been living in hotel rooms and such having to ask where I am sometimes because I have been on the road so much over the last decade that most of the time, I really have no idea where I am most of the time.  Since I have been a school teacher, this is the first time in over a decade that I have known where I am every morning.  I like that feeling and I want to enjoy it for at least a little while longer.  Music is still in my blood, but I just need a break from all the travelling around and such as you probably know.  I just need a rest from all that and a chance to get my head back together again.  Richard was by a little while ago and I figured you would be around shortly too.  I've even put on a little weight and I feel much better now.  But I still need a little time to think things through and recover from all of the touring over the last decade or so.  I hope you understand, and I definitely understand that what you offered is more than generous and I am very grateful, but I just can't sign anything or make any commitments until I deal with these inner demons that keep sidetracking me.  I would probably just end up back in the hospital again like last time which wouldn't be good for either of us [slight pause] Could I get your number and is there any way you can hold onto that contract until I feel I am alright to perform again without being sidetracked?  I really love performing, but I know I need a break for at least a little while longer to get my head straight again.  I am not sure how long that may take, but I just know I can't do it now.  I would definitely end up back in the hospital again like before."

Paul: "Thank you for your honesty Karen; I hadn't thought about that.  Take as long as you feel you might need.  I agree that your health is more important and that you should take some time off.  When you feel you are ready again, I will give you my number so you can call me.  No pressure and the offer will still be good."

[Paul slides the papers back in his satchel and Karen and Paul both walk up towards Ace and the door.]

Ace:  “Just a second and I’ll check to see that the coast is clear again.” 

[Ace walks out door and then is back a short time later about 15 seconds maybe.]

Ace:  “Coast is clear just stay to this side again and we’ll be fine.”

Paul [quietly in Ace’s ear] “You could learn a lot from her.  She is one tough cookie.”

[Ace, Paul and Karen go to the front door of the school and Ace and Karen remain inside and let Paul out the door.]

Paul:  “Thank you Karen and I hope you get better and nice meeting you but I need to get going.”

Karen and Ace [together]:  “Thanks Paul.”

Karen:  “Thanks for understanding Paul.  When I’m ready I’ll definitely give you a call.  I really appreciate you coming out here like this.”

Paul:  “I’ll just go now and get in my car.  It’s a rental.  I've always wanted to try one of these out.”

[Paul walks around the school and gets into a baby blue convertible car and leaves.  Ace and Karen remain in the school.]

Karen:  “Thanks again.  That went better than I thought.”

Ace:  “Me too.  Yeah, we were both really nervous me especially.  That was Paul Williams the Lawgiver from the last Planet of the Apes movie and he did the music for the Bugsy Malone movie with Scott Baio and Jodie Foster.  Lunch is almost over and we’ll talk later after homeroom is over.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to say a word to anyone about this.  My lips are sealed.”

Scene 0042- "Karen And Ace Heart To Heart Talk"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[End of day and everyone except Karen and Ace leave the classroom.  After the others leave, Karen goes over to the door and shuts and locks the door from the inside.]

[Karen walking towards her desk.  Ace sitting in his chair.]

Karen: "We need to talk without anyone bothering us.  I locked the door and neither one of us is leaving until after we talk."

Ace: "I understand completely.  You're Karen Carpenter and the last thing either of us needs right now are the newspapers or the TV cameras turning this place into a three-ring circus.  I definitely am not going to say a word to anyone.  Your secret is safe with me."

Karen: "Yes, it is really important that you keep this quiet and I know you will.  Like I said before the meeting, I can trust you.  But I didn't lock the door because of talking about the meeting earlier.  We really need to talk about us.  I keep getting mixed signals from you and I have been pulling my hair out wondering about things, and I am just going to ask straight out and I want honest answers from you.  But before I even ask I am going to say that you have me wrapped around your finger and I think you know that you could pretty much do what you want with me.  I am pretty much throwing myself at you all of the time.  And if you only knew what I wanted to do with you.  But anyway, Do you feel any different about me now that you know who I am?"

Ace: "No.  Not at all.  I still see this wonderful person that I enjoy being around.  It's still you on the inside."

Karen: "And I see the way you look at me and I need to ask, do you have a crush on me?  Please be honest with me."

Ace: "I am pretty sure this is beyond a crush for both of us.  It is in both of our eyes.  We can't fake that.  Neither of us.  But the problem is with these feelings I have, I can't hurt you in any way.  That is why I keep my distance.  I don't even dare hold your hand because we both know it would lead to more and then you would get in trouble and I would feel really terrible about it.  Once we started, there would be no stopping or turning back.  And afterwards, think about Jerry Lee Lewis marrying his 13 year old cousin.  I can't take that chance with you and you possibly losing your career and such.  You love music too."

Karen: "I remember what happened to Jerry Lee now.  I forgot about that.  And what about Paul Yorrick of Peter, Paul and Mary?  She didn't have any ID on her so how was Paul to know.  Paul got a bad rap on that one.  He is a really nice guy.  Poor Paul.  We're back to the newspapers and such being a bad thing again.  What newspapers?  I don't see any reporters around here, do you?"

Ace: "Funny.  Everyone is a comedienne until they make the front page.  And besides, the stripes on your new outfit go the wrong way and make everyone, including you at even 26 pounds, look fat.  Is that what you really want?  I don't.  I like having visiting hours every day, and do you really think they would let us visit each other after you got caught?  My parents would be alright with it, it is others around here that are the problem and they wouldn't hesitate to cause problems for you, not because you are a celebrity or such, but because they would be upset about a teacher being with a student.  Any teacher.  Any student.  Even with parental consent or whatever.  The law sees it as statutory rape, even with consent.  Definite problems.  Anyway, you know as well as I do, once we started, we couldn't stop.  A crush usually goes away, this ain't going away and I think we both know it.  And no, I'm definitely not a virgin either.  I've definitely had those thoughts too.  Oh boy have I had those thoughts.  No doubt you have felt me memorizing and undressing every inch of you with my eyes.  Nice feet by the way, I love the way your toes curl up when, But anyway if I hurt you, I hurt myself.  I can't.  I definitely want you in more ways than one.  The table, floor, chandelier, refrigerator."

Karen: "I've done table and floor, the bed even, but chandelier and refrigerator?"

Ace: "Yeah, swinging from a chandelier would be a bit difficult, but think of the head rush from the blood rushing to our heads.  As far as the refrigerator, I know it's high up and all that, but think about the vibrations from when the ice maker comes on.  That would be quite a rush."

Karen: "Noted, we'll look into a hotel room with one of those magic vibrating beds and a chandelier.  I think we could probably do it, but there's a lot of stuff on the refrigerator and I don't feel like cleaning up the mess afterwards.  Come to think of it, a waterfall would be nice too.  Shower stalls are a bit cramped."

Ace: "See, we are perfect for each other.  We think a lot alike.  But I can't.  I just can't.  There is so much passion there that we would probably blow up the planet just holding hands.  It is definitely beyond sparks or flames already.  There is no way we could hide it if it went any further, we can barely hide it now with just eye contact.  I'm too young and you would get in trouble in a small town like this.  It isn't worth it."

Karen: "Well, that pretty much answers the rest of the questions I was going to ask you.  By the way, do you have a pet name for me yet?"

Ace: "I haven't really thought about that really.  I like you just the way you are and for who you are inside and outside.  Honey, I just can't think of a pet name for you right now."

[Next part Ace and Karen talk almost in unison.]

Karen: "Darling you called me Honey."

Ace [just as Karen is saying Darling Ace says this about the same time]: "Honey you called me Darling."

[Ace and Karen gaze into each other’s eyes for a short bit.  Then Ace takes off his eyeglasses.]

Ace: "As you can see, I am not really an ugly duckling so to speak.  I keep my glasses on on purpose.  If you hear the name Bubby, except from my cousins, get out of the way.  I am about to get attacked.  The girls that remember that I look like this without glasses all know my name as Bubby.  I almost failed kindergarten because girls kept trying to play footsy with me all the time, and when the teacher called on me, half the time I had no idea what the teacher was talking about because I was busy playing footsy back."

Karen: "I remember playing footsy.  It was a lot of fun."

Ace: "As you probably know, hunks are good for only one thing, to make women and girls horny.  That's it.  And I know you know I have been hiding something and this is it.  This is what I have been hiding from you.  I'm a hunk.  I have been wearing glasses since kindergarten and third grade gym class and I actually enjoy being thought of as a dork or a geek or ugly duckling or whatever.  You know, girls don't make passes at guys who wear glasses.  I don't get attacked like I used to with girls throwing themsleves at me all the time.  There's more to me than just looks and I'm definitely not a virgin.  I can get laid about any time I want."

Karen [almost in tears]: "What am I going to be, just another notch in your belt?"

Ace: "No way Honey, I'm not like that anyway or else I wouldn't be wearing my glasses all of the time like I do, besides, I don't even wear a belt.  I led the Belt Rebellion back in Mrs. McKendrick's third grade class where I said my dad hit me with his belt and I'm not going to wear a belt again, and the next day two thirds of the boys in the class weren't wearing belts.  I haven't worn a belt since then.  I can't notch something that I don't even have.  And my six shooter is more like eight and a half.  Yeah, one of the girls measured it back when.  I really do care about you a lot.  More than I even know.  I really can't hurt you without hurting myself.  Everything I have said to you has been honest and truthful and I can't help it.  I really can't lie to you, because if I lie to you, it will hurt me even more than it would hurt you.  But yeah, this is my big secret that I keep trying to hide from you.  Are you disappointed that I'm not an ugly duckling?"

Karen [short pause before talking]: "I'm definitely not disappointed, I knew you have been hiding something.  I just had no idea.  Guys usually chase after girls because of looks and I hadn't really thought about it the other way around.  Honestly, I met Elvis when I was younger and you look just like him without your glasses on.  I can also tell that you can't see too well without your glasses on either.  I kept thinking that you looked familiar somehow and after you took your glasses off I realized why I kept thinking you looked familiar to me.  You are the spitting image of Elvis in 1956 before he dyed his hair and such.  I have met a couple of Elvis' kids and he had a few kids out of wedlock and you look more like him than they do.  Are you sure your mom wasn't with Elvis?"

Ace: "Positive.  When my mom meets someone she always has an opinion about them.  My mom has always been indifferent about Elvis.  I'm positive."

Karen: "I can see why you would get attacked.  You really do love me don't you?"

Ace: "Yes, I do love you.  I am not afraid to say it to you.  It is just that if you have to repeat something over and over again, it usually isn't true or you have doubts.  I don't have any doubts about you.  You and me, we've got the real love that everyone's looking for.  And yes, you and me, Karen and Ace because believe me I am always going to try and make sure that we come together but if not, I always want you to come first, then I'll roll over and fall asleep.  And be prepared because I love to cuddle."

Karen: "I love to cuddle too.  This could get interesting."

Ace: "Honestly, I hug my pillow every night anymore.  I got it bad.  Really bad."

Karen: "I hadn't thought of that, does it help?"

Ace: "Not really.  All it really does is remind me that something's missing that I can't have right now.  It's great having these feelings, but it sucks because we can't do anything about it without you getting into trouble.  I guess I still have a bit of growing up to do."

Karen: "Of all the guys I've met, you are definitely the most grown up.  Right now I have this strong urge to come over there and hug you and try to make you feel better, but knowing our luck, the minute I stood up to come over, the fire alarm would go off and then the firefighters would break down the door or something.  It's really tough for me too.  I think I got it just as bad as you."

[Ace puts his arms out on the desktop and lays his head against his right arm and looks over at Karen sideways.]

Ace: "I am enjoying this so much.  This great feeling like I am floating on air.  I've heard of cloud 9, but this is at least cloud 11 or so.  Cloud 9 was about two weeks after you started here.  What a rush.  This definitely is not a crush."

Karen: "I think we're both done now.  Thank you so much for being honest with me.  I'll unlock the door."

[Karen gets up and goes over and unlocks the door and then comes back and sits down at her desk.]

[Ace is a little dizzy and gets up kind of slow from the chair.]

Ace:  "Thanks, I know we both needed this talk for a long time now.  I'll just go home and sit in my room and hug my pillow again."

Karen: "I'll stand away from the door and let you out because I got some paperwork to finish up first before I go home, but also, because if I stand by the door right now, I probably wouldn't let you go."

Ace: "I know, I couldn't let you go either and I really don't think I could stop you this time and even worst, I don't think I could stop myself."

[Ace leaves and Karen remains at her desk finishing up paperwork.]

Scene 0043 - "Imagination"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace and Karen sitting and talking in classroom.]

Karen:  “I’ve noticed that you really don’t have much of an imagination.”

Ace:  “I’ve had a bunch of stuff happen in the real world and making stuff up just doesn’t work for me.  And yup, you’re right, I really don’t have much of an imagination.”

Karen:  “I believe in having a good imagination as it gives you a break from the real world and allows you to be creative.”

Ace:  “My sister has an imagination and whenever she makes up stories I tend to get in trouble.  I hadn’t really thought of that until now.  But really my sister making up stories and me getting in trouble for those stories is probably why I don’t have much of an imagination.  I’d rather tell the truth and tell it like it is rather than try and worry about if I got a story right and who I told the story to.”

Karen:  “You might have a point there.  We had a neighbor boy, Jason, that I used to babysit.  He was about 5 years old and had blond hair and deep blue eyes.  Jason had lost his mom and was living down the street with his grandparents.  Jason was having a rough time after losing his mom and I really didn’t know what to say to him about it.  I used to tell Jason all kinds of stories that I made up.  I wish I had wrote some of those down as they were pretty good.  One of my favorites was a story I made up about my mom and I called it ‘The Dragon Lady’ and I had variations like ‘The Dragon Lady saves LA’ and ‘The Dragon Lady Visits New York’ and ‘The Dragon Lady Visits Tokyo’ and ‘The Dragon Lady at the Zoo’ stuff like that.  But it was based on my mom as my mom has this really rough exterior but a warm and tender heart underneath all that rough stuff.  But I made up a bunch of stories to tell Jason to try and help him from thinking about losing his mom so much.  Jason would always get so excited to see me and we became pals.  But the stories were about the mean and fierce Dragon Lady that everyone would be afraid of and how she would help people with their problems and make friends.”

Ace:  “That’s kind of cool actually.  I hadn’t thought about stuff like that. But really, like you said, I don’t have much of an imagination.  I’m not much for Flying Wombats and Super Turtles and stuff like that.  I’ve never really been into comic books or super heroes or such either.  I’m a thirteen year old has been fuddy duddy.  But I agree that having an imagination is a good thing but I just don’t have one or feel the need to have one.  I guess I’m just too grounded in reality and an old fart in that respect.  I’m more of the ‘remember the time when’ type guy and not really a ‘once upon a time’ type guy.”

Karen:  “Well at least you’re thinking about it.  That’s a start.  They need to make lunch period longer.  It seems like every time we get into an interesting conversation time runs out on us.”

Scene 0044 - "Signs In Threes.  Making Decisions"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

Karen:  “I got to thinking about what we talked about earlier.  It reminded me of when I got my boat, The Lucia.  It takes four crew to run it.  I don’t get a chance to use it that often as I’ve usually been on the road.  It’s good to get away from it all once in a while and just relax.  But anyway, I bought the boat and when I bought it they said I needed to name it because it is bad luck to have a boat without a name.  I always wait for three signs before I make a decision if you’ve noticed.  The Father, Son and The Holy Ghost.  Do you believe in ghosts?”

Ace:  “Yeah, actually I do.  I haven’t really seen one that I’m aware of but it kind of makes sense when you think about people and spirits and such.  It makes sense that someone’s thoughts would continue on or such.  I don’t think life is the beginning or the end or such.  All this fleshy stuff and memories and all that.  There are definitely things we can’t see or touch that are there like the air we breathe and like that.”

Karen:  “Remind me not to ask you thoughtful questions.  You think too much and I get lost.  Anyway, I got the boat brand new and they told me I need to name it as it’s bad luck to have a boat without a name.  So I thought about it and the three things that came to me were Lucille Ball, she lives in Jamestown just down the road from here, Lucy from the comic strip Peanuts, I like Charles Schultz, and the island of Saint Lucia, so I called it The Lucia.”

Ace:  “My favorite author is Theodore Teddy Geisel better known as Doctor Seuss.  I guess it is kind of weird because he writes all these made up stories and he’s my favorite author but I just don’t believe in having an imagination for some reason.  A quirk of mine I guess.  We’re all a little different in some ways.”

Karen:  “I guess so.  But a little while after babysitting Jason my brother started dating my hairdresser and thinking about Jason got me to thinking about what happened with my hair dresser.  Really she did more than just my hair so I guess a personal assistant but I always thought of her as my hair dresser.  My brother and her had been sneaking around for quite a while and I figured something was up but usually my brother tells me everything and I never thought he would sneak behind my back but he did and so did my hair dresser.  I only found out after I almost walked in on them accidentally.  But I have a strict rule if you haven’t noticed that I don’t date people I work with.  That can be a real mess and I’ve had that happen a couple times and it happened to my brother that time too.  But it just gets awkward dating someone you work with as if something goes wrong in the relationship it just messes everything up like with my hair dresser.  But she was a good hair dresser but it just didn’t work out with her seeing my brother too. Falling in love is getting to know someone and it was obvious that my hair dresser didn't have the first clue about anything personal with my brother except his bank account had seven figures.  After I found out my brother was seeing her I did a little snooping.  I had thought it was weird that she wasn’t too personal with me so I started some girl talk.  You know.  Talking about how my brother liked his pillow fluffed a certain way and his favorite movies and music and such and I realized that she didn’t have the first clue about anything personal about my brother.  She was a gold digger.  I confronted her about it and she told me to butt out of it and mind my own business and that Richard was a big boy now.  If it hadn’t been for the butt out of it and mind my own business stuff I probably would have just told Richard to wear a condom as there are too many gold diggers in the world as it is and left it at that.”

Ace:  “What if the condom broke?”

Karen  [chuckling]:  “I hadn’t thought about that.  I've had that happen a couple times myself.  Good point there.  I was also so wrapped up in battling the two headed dragon lady that I forgot to ask Richard if he had feelings for her.  We can all make mistakes I guess.  Me and my mother came up with the nickname two headed dragon lady because I was babysitting a neighbor boy named Jason off and on at the time and we didn't want him knowing who we were talking about.  Jason was only about 5 years old at the time and you know how kids repeat things.  Jason had the prettiest deep blue eyes and him and I became pals.  You and Jason are about the same age but your eyes are a pale blue and his eyes are a deep blue.  Jason's mother had passed away and he was living with his grandparents around the corner so Jason and I talked about all kinds of stuff and we had a lot of fun together.  Jason was so full of energy and always seemed excited to see me every time.  I never quite knew what to say to him about losing his mother because my mother was still around, but I did what I could to try and help him feel better.  Jason was feeling kind of lonely and I was too so we both hit it off and became pals.  And of course Richard and I went back out on tour and I lost contact with Jason after that.  It also kind of worked in another way as people were referring to my mom as the Dragon Lady so my mom thought they were talking about the hair dresser too.  I like that double meaning stuff if you’ve noticed.  Puns, similes and metaphors which is later in the year.  My mom got involved and I lost a good hair dresser.  My mom didn’t want me and my brother possibly arguing since we are together most of the time so my mom kind of took the blame for that one.  But when people give you good advice always try to listen.”

Ace:  “Unrelated here as this is a good talk but when people are being stupid, zone out.  It helps.  As you know there’s some good old wives tales but there’s some real clunkers too.  You know that superstitious type stuff that really isn’t based in reality but makes a catchy saying like don’t step on a crack and break your mother’s back.  I haven’t seen a mother’s back broke yet because of that saying.  It’s still a catchy saying though.  But yeah, I agree on the not dating someone you work with as that can get to be a real mess as far as your work.  Something goes south and you have this person that just makes your life and your work miserable.  Just let them stick to screwing up your life so at least you have work to fall back on.  I work at a local ballpark scorekeeping and announcing during the summer.  It’s all guys there so not really a dating problem but I do some stuff for Cinderella softball too and that could be a problem there.  But yeah, if you break up with someone it’s usually not because they’re a nice person and even if they are a nice person, breakups aren’t usually about being nice or else you wouldn’t be breaking up.  So yeah a definite on the don’t date someone you work with rule.  That works.”

Karen:  “I’ve had it a couple times myself but I’ve never had a bad breakup actually.  We’ve always just agreed to go our separate ways without all that fighting and such.  I’ve had a couple too where they were actually working for a competitor and that didn’t work out well either.  Not a bad breakup but it was just awkward.  There was one guy that was a boss at one of our competitors, Terry Ellis at Chrysalis, and I just snuck out on him and broke up with him over the phone.  It was just a big mess and we were from two different worlds.  He was used to all this glamour and glitzy stuff and you know me, I like being down to earth.  I snuck out because there were so many reasons why that I didn’t want to spend all day giving the reasons why and I just broke up with him over the phone.  I try to meet someone different so each of my breakups has been for different reasons but it’s just being on the road doesn’t make for a lasting relationship.”

Ace:  “It could be just the wrong guys too.  If it’s really worth having you’ll have it and work things out somehow.  If not, the grass always seems greener on the other side and go on to other things.  Like with us, we’re not dating or such but we work around things and each time we figure something out.  It’s worth it I feel.  You too or else you’d tell me to shut up and keep my foot out of my mouth more often.”

Karen:  “I wouldn’t tell you to shut up.  Most of the time I forget that you’re younger than me because when you talk you don’t sound like a kid.  But yeah, I do kind of work things around so that we have time before and after school and during lunch too.  Like you said it’s worth it to me or else I wouldn’t do it and believe me, I’d kick you out.  I had one guy that used to always put his words in my mouth.  He’s the only guy I broke up with twice.  Yeah, I learned my lesson about going back.  It never changes.  I would refer to him as Mister Know-It-All to people.  But he was always putting words in my mouth.  We got along except for that.  That just got on my nerve though.”

Ace:  “I can imagine.  You never really know yourself until someone says you are something you know you’re not.  And then look out.  I know a couple people like that where it’s raining out but they say it’s sunshine and they’re always right even though it’s raining and they are getting wet in the sunshine.  There’s a lot of people like my sister and parents that I just shut out as they just aren’t my types.  My family is more of a control family and I’m a work together kind of guy.  A mismatch there.”

Karen:  “Yeah, I’m so used to working together with my brother that I can’t really deal too well with controlling people either.  With me and my brother, if either of us doesn’t want to do it, we don’t do it.  So many people have their own ideas and it doesn’t always work out that way.  And like with us, it’s like with my brother, we work together and it’s not about me me me.”

Ace:  “Yeah, I know what you mean that me me me singer stuff, no disrespect intended, but working together isn’t about just me it’s about us.  A lot of selfish people out there.”

Karen:  “I know.  It’s hard trying to find someone with the same principles.  Being close to the same age helps a little as each generation is a little different than the next and grows up a little differently.  Being around the same age usually means the same values but not always.  We’re all different I guess.  Just keep trying.”

Ace:  “Yeah, if at first you don’t succeed fail fail again.  There’s some people that just grow up together and are used to each other and others, like us, that just kind of blind side each other.  You just never know.  For some it’s love at first sight and others it takes a while I guess.  There does seem to be that weird attraction stuff though that kind of draws you to someone and it’s not really looks or such just an odd attraction you can’t really explain.”

Karen:  “I’ve never really believed in that love at first sight stuff.  That stuff can get people in trouble.  I’ve seen it a lot.  There’s this big physical attraction at first but then after they get to know each other it falls apart in a hurry.  My first crush was actually like that which is why I probably don’t believe in that love at first sight stuff.  We never dated or such but we both loved to drum.  Luckily he had a girlfriend so we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend but I did try a couple times.  But a few months after I got to know him I realized how different we were and about the only thing we had in common was the drums.  He liked being inside and I’m the outdoors type.  Except for the drums we were almost completely different.  But then too, like with us, there was this attraction there but it just keeps growing.  It started out kind of slow but just kept building.  I’ve noticed that the ones that start out fast just seem to fizzle out after a short while and that physical attraction starts going away.  After you get to know someone is the real test.  I think that’s why real love takes time and keeps building and that love at first sight is just trouble.  Of course trouble is my middle name.”

Ace:  “Mine too.  And like you’re saying if it starts out really fast it falls apart when you start getting to know them.  But then too if you already know them then it might take a bit to get it started.  There must be a medium in this somewhere but with us it’s kind of weird.  I mean we have that age thing and like I said about me not wanting you to get in trouble.  But this is like really weird because it just seems to keep growing and growing.  Usually there’s that fizzle out part but that hasn’t happened.  Usually after you start getting to know someone you start getting bored because you get into a routine and the same stuff over and over again like a stuck record.  But its weird because the more we learn about each other the more we want to learn if that makes sense.”

Karen:  “I was thinking that too.  It’s been about two months and I’m usually bored by now and looking to get away and try something different.  I don’t ever feel bored around you though for some reason.”

Ace:  “Me neither.  And that mind reading stuff and all that.  Don’t know what to call it but it just ain’t normal.”

Karen:  “I like being different and normal is overrated.”

Ace:  “Me too.”

[class buzzer goes off for the end of the period.]

Ace and Karen [together]:  “That stupid bell rang again.  See you later.  Jinx.”

Scene 0045 - "The Wheaties Talk"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen sitting at her desk and Ace walks into classroom and sets his books on his desktop chair but remains standing.]

Ace:  “I got to thinking about that past lives stuff.  I remember you talking about the civil war and that Barbara Allen name.  I just got wondering if maybe she had something to do with that old Barb’ry Allen song.  Maybe that’s why you’re a singer this time around.  I still can’t think of anything in that that points to an eating disorder though.”

Karen:  “You might be on to something there but I’m still kind of worn out from last night as you probably know.”

Ace:  “Yeah, sorry about that.  I’m not sure why or what started it, it just happened and those thoughts just popped in there.”

Karen: "I know you were up all last night and you kept me up all night too for the same reason.  But four times is a bit much.  This is great and all.  I really enjoy it each time.  But I think I should have a talk with your mother about putting some salt peter in your Wheaties in the morning."

Ace: "I don't know if it will help or not, but it might be worth a shot.  Do you want her number?"

Karen: "No, I am actually kind of enjoying going through puberty again in a way.  It's kind of refreshing really.  But it's been quite a while for me.  I just hope I don't start getting pimples again."

Ace: "I hope so too.  There's only one way to get rid of those and we would definitely get caught and get in trouble for that."

[Karen puts her thumb under her chin and her finger to the side of her mouth and gives Ace the you need to listen look.]

Karen: "I think you ought to sit down now."

Ace:  “I think you’re right”

[Ace scoots around Karen’s desk and sits in his chair.]

Karen: "I know I started this one, but I have this strange urge to ask you to stand up and recite some poetry to the class one of these times."

Ace: "You would, wouldn't you?  Like this?  Hark, What light through yonder window breaks?"

[Karen’s face turns beet red and Karen puts her hand over her mouth and motions for Ace to sit down.]

[Ace sits down.]

[Karen fans her face with her hand.]

Karen: "It sure got hot in here all of a sudden didn't it?  You really aren't modest or shy are you?"

Ace: "Not particularly.  I don't really get embarrassed either.  Hey, your voice got a little higher too on that one."

Karen: "That's actually my normal voice.  You caught me off guard.  Well, I'm glad we got that straightened out.  You really do care about me don't you?"

Ace: "Yes, I really do care about you a lot.  More than I even know.  This is not a puppy love or crush or or some elaborate scheme to get into your pants or dress or skirt or whatever you're wearing.  There's just something truly wonderful about you and I can't help but care about you.  That's all I know for sure.  That and I can't hurt you without hurting myself.  Honestly, it's not an act or whatever, I really can't."

Karen: “I’ve had embarrassing moments and a couple regrets.”

Ace: “Do tell.  Sounds interesting.”

Karen: “My biggest regret is when I was sixteen and a girl dared me to get a tattoo.  I had made the mistake of telling her I was afraid of needles.  No one’s gonna call me chicken and she actually paid for the tattoo and it’s in a well hidden area, but still, I believe in what is God given and a tattoo is definitely not God given.  I had a small tattoo of a rose done and it’s below my hairline where no one can see it without knowing about it.  I believe in sticking to your principles and this one was a doozy.  Do I chicken out or compromise my principles of only God given.  I got the tattoo and it is one of my regrets in life as it was darned if you do and darned if you don’t.  I did and I don’t recommend it.  Don’t ever compromise your principles.  Richard and I did a Grease tribute show and it was funny but the costume was embarrassing and awkward. I don't really understand what guys see in big bosoms.  They just get in the way.  Flopping all over the place.  It was just so awkward and embarassing.  Have you ever had any embarassing moments?"”

Ace: "First, you know me, well actually maybe you don't.  I don't really get embarrassed.  I had an incident in a baseball game where I threw the ball and it just went completely over the backstop which was at least 25 foot high.  And in second grade I had a girl that was doing the gotta pee dance a couple seats over, so I had a boner and of course the teacher called on me to answer a question so I stood up and, well, the teacher went running down the hall saying, 'I didn't do it.  I didn't do it.' and it was actually kind of funny because this teacher had always been harping on me about how only spawns of Satan like Napoleon and Hitler wrote with both hands and that I needed to write with just my right hand.  I'm ambidextrous or whatever.  Actually, the next year I jammed my left finger on a basketball and started writing with my right hand.  But anyway, I'm not really into big bosoms myself.  Butts a little bit, not that way, but you know what I mean.  But I actually got my nickname from Julie Sage, the girl that hangs around with the Karen that talks to herself in the third person.  Anyway, it was at the end of third grade when I told her that I needed a better name other than Andrew, she called me Andrew not Adrian, and Bubba, she called me Bubba not Bubby.  So she said, 'When you look at a girl, what's the first thing you look at?'  And I said, 'Face'  And she said, 'How does Ace sound?'  So that's how that came about.  And I guess it still holds true because I just love the way your face lights up when you smile and as you know, I could just spend all day and all night staring at the sparkles in your eyes when your face lights up."

Karen: "I know that kind of teacher.  I had a few of them myself.  I always wondered about how you got your nickname.  Thanks.  I guess that explains what you see in me.  I always liked my eyes too.  That's kind of why my favorite color is burgundy red and black, because of my eyes."

Ace: "You know how much I love those eyes of yours.  I've never really been a bosom man honestly.  Maybe it was because I started before girls had bosoms or whatever, but I've always been a face man expecially the eyes and smile.  I just love a beautiful smile and I like..."

Karen and Ace [together]: “Tomboys and mud pies.”

Ace: "Body parts are body parts, but I guess I've always been a hopeless romantic."

Karen: “Me too.”

Scene 0045A - "I Believe You John Adrian Talk"

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen sitting at her desk and Ace sitting in his chair.  Karen has a school record player and a 45 record in her hand.]

Karen: "Our new single just came out, do you want to listen to it?"

Ace: "Sure.  I'm game.  Count me in."

Karen: "I had my cousin Wendy special order it for me.  It's not quite on the top 40 yet."

[Karen plays "I Believe You" on the record player.]

Ace: "That's kind of neat.  It has a majestic feel to it.  As you know though, it's not really my type of music as I like the psychadelic and hard rock type stuff.  What's on the other side?"

[Karen flips the record over and plays "B'Wana She No Home".]

Ace: "That's cool.  I like that.  Me Tarzan.  You Jane.  Cheetah b'wana.  No play cards Cheetah.  He cheetahs."

Karen: "Cute.  I recorded the other song as I was having a hard time with believing a guy I used to date and his name is John Adrian."

Ace: "That explains a lot.  But yeah that's my first name not last."

Karen: "I like the name Adrian actually and this guy seemed to always say the right things to me."

Ace: "Aha, the plot sickens.  Do tell.  Do tell."

Karen: "Funny.  But he said all those wonderful things to me and then he met someone else and got married to them three months after we broke up.  It was just weird.  But if he had asked me I probably would have lived in a cave with him at the time.  So that song kind of has a special meaning for that time in my life."

Ace: "Ran off and married someone else.  Yup, that's true love all right.  Sounds different.  I see us as living in one of those refrigerator boxes.  Probably start off with a Coldernell then change our address to a deluxe Frigidaire some time down the road."

Karen: "Funny.  It was more like he snuck off.  He worked for A&M in publicity and we just kind of hit it off.  After a little while people started trying to tell me that he was seeing someone else.  I think it was just people getting their wires crossed though.  He lived in the UK and over there an affair is seeing someone out of wedlock whereas it has a little different meaning here in the states."

Ace: "Yeah, you're right on that.  Over here it means cheating with someone else whereas over there it means out of wedlock like you said.  I can see where it might get confusing."

Karen: "I really thought he might be the one and then he ran off with someone else and got married about three months after we broke up.  I still don't really know what to think about it.  But our manager over there heard about it and told John if he came and saw me that he would be out of a job.  So we didn't really break up.  He was supposed to come see me in Los Angeles but he didn't show up so I figured something was up.  He just disappeared and then about three months later I heard he married someone else.  And as you can probably tell I like the name Adrian as it has a nice ring to it, but like you being younger, there always seems to be something with that name that ain't quite right if you know what I mean."

Ace: "Kind of.  It's probably a more common name over there than here.  But yeah, Adrian is a bit different.  I think it came from that emperor Hadrian guy and the Holy Roman Empire thing, but not sure.  A drain.  It probably means the toilet is plugged or something like that."

Karen: "I think you may be on to something there."

Ace: "Definitely.  My chair.  As if I wasn't still in my chair I'd be off my rocker again."

Karen: "You got that right." [smiles]

Scene 46 – “School Halloween”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen is at school and is dressed up exactly like the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz movie.  Ace comes in dressed as a pirate with an eye patch under his eyeglasses and a bandanna that keeps falling off.]

Ace:  “Har.  It’s about time you stopped dressing up and showed your true self thar matey.”

Karen:  “Funny.  I just realized that I got this great costume but I don’t really sound like Margaret Hamilton.”

Ace:  “That’ll learn ya matey.  Give it a shot anyway.”

[Karen gives a weak witch’s cackle and almost starts laughing about it.]

Ace:  “I think yuh might be onto sometin’ thar matey.  Has you tried I’ll get you my pretties yet?”

Karen [still almost laughing]:  “I’ll get you my pretties.”

Ace:  “Har much better.  Still a little weak but much better.  Shiver me timbers yer almost the spittin’ image of Dorothy when ya talk.  Have you ever thought of dressing up like Harpo Marks?”

Karen:  “Funny.  You’re a lot of help.  I’ll just wing it I guess.”

Ace:  “Ahar, so you got yer flyin’ monkeys after me too.  I’d better duck cuz yer quackin’ me up.”  [in normal voice] “You’re fine.  I’m just joking with ya.  It’s probably my last Halloween so I’m glad I get to share it with you.  I’m too old for that stuff anymore.  I know you’re a bit nervous because of the costume and your first time in the area and not really knowing anyone.  You’re fine.”

Karen:  “Thanks.  Ya I am a bit nervous.” 

Scene 47 – “Halloween Night”

Background: Skating rink, Nasser Civic Center Plaza, Corning, New York 14830

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Bud (Ace’s father), Lee (Ace’s mother), Robin (Ace’s sister), a guy dressed up as Snoopy on ice skates, other people dressed up

[Ace is at the skating rink and shows up with his sister and parents.  Karen shows up later and Ace and Karen take off together and are both in street clothes and go to the overlook on top of the rink.  Robin is dressed up as an outhouse (with a half moon cut out in the front) and is on the outside of the rink with both of her parents.  The rink announcer dressed up in a Snoopy costume and skating around.]

Rink Announcer:  “Will the contestants for this year’s contest please enter the rink.]

Ace:  “You see that outhouse?  That’s my sister.”

Karen:  “That’s your sister, I think she can win this.”

Rink Announcer:  “Will the contestants please walk around the rink and for those of you in the audience, when I skate by a person, we have an applause meter over there and the one who gets the most applause wins.  Everybody ready?”

People:  “Yes.”

Rink Announcer:  “OK.  Here we go.”

[Karen and Ace clap for the others.  In between people, Karen and Ace are up top and Ace is yelling “Outhouse!  Outhouse!  Outhouse” while Karen does her loud pinky whistle (pinkies in corner of mouth and a loud whistle).  After yelling and whistling towards the rink, Karen and Ace back away from the front railing trying not to be seen after each yell and whistle.  Finally the Rink Announcer gets to the Outhouse and.]

Ace:  “Outhouse!  Outhouse!  Outhouse!”

Karen [pinky whistle]

Rink Announcer:  “I think we have a winner.  Contestant number 5.  The outhouse.”

[The crowd cheers and laughs and applauds.  Robin in the outhouse costume is presented a blue ribbon and a gift certificate as well as a bag of candy.]

November 1978

Scene 48 – “Before Open House”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom talking.]

Karen: "I get to meet the folks tonight.  I'm actually pretty excited.  I know it isn't a date or anything, but still I'm like a nervous little school girl again and it feels great.  How do I look?  Are my bangs alright?"

Ace: "Your hair is fine.  You always look great to me.  I really don't look much like my parents, maybe my mother a little bit, but you'll see. [pause] My mom is a big Carpenter's fan and she probably will recognize you."

Karen: "I'll be fine.  I know how to handle that stuff.  You'll see.  But in the future when I ask you how I look just say you look great.  Even if my hair is lopsided and I look like a mess, just say I look great or else we may never get out the door."

Ace: "You're right.  You look great."

Karen: "Now you're catching on.  If you haven't noticed, I've been grooming you to be my husband."

Ace: "If you haven't noticed, I've been briding you to be my wife too, so I guess we're even."

Scene 49 – “Open House”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Bud Downing, Lee Downing, Robin Downing

[Karen in classroom alone standing by her desk.  Ace, Bud Downing, Lee Downing and Robin Downing enter the room.]

Karen: “Hello.” [Karen Looks at Ace.]

Ace: "This is my little sister, Robin.  Becky, Rebecca, is my cousin."

Karen: "Oh, that explains it.  I have an older brother myself and I noticed Becky and Ace didn't look alike.  I'm so glad I got to meet Ace's sister finally.  I'm a little sister myself and I always hated being called little.  Can I get a hug from you?"

[Karen and Robin hug and Robin gives a big smile.]

Bud: "Hello" [Shakes hands.]

Lee: "I see why my son stays so late now.  You look kind of familiar, have we met before somewhere?"

Karen: "I kind of look like a lot of different people.  I'm sure if we'd met I would have remembered you."

[Ace is looking at Karen with a kind of “I told you so” smile and Karen kind of glances over at Ace and then back to Lee.]

Lee: "Yeah, you probably look like someone I saw on TV or something.  You do have that kind of face I guess."

[Ace has a look of relief.]

Lee: "My son isn't a problem, is he?  If he is, just let us know and we'll straighten him right out for you."

Karen: "Oh no, he's definitely not a problem.  He's actually very helpful.  If I need something, all I have to do is ask and he's right on it.  Anything at all.  He's a good kid."

[Ace puts his hand over his mouth about the time Karen says “kid”.]

Lee: "Is there any way you could come over to the house and get him out of his room?  I'll give you anything you want just name it."

Karen: "I would love to, I really would, but I have other commitments after school so I can't right now.  I'll work on him though and if he doesn't straighten up, I'll definitely be over and he knows it."

[Karen and Lee are kind of giggling together and then Karen gives a kind of stern look over at Ace.  Ace drops his hand from his mouth and says…]

Ace: "Well, we probably ought to go and see my sister's teacher now."

Karen: "I wish you could stay longer and chat more but I know you should go.  Nice meeting you."

[Robin leaves first then Bud then Lee and finally Ace.  Karen gives Ace that “you’re mine now” look as Ace leaves.]

Scene 50 – “After Open House.  Sowing Wild Oats.”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting and talking.]

Ace: "See, I told you when my mom meets someone she has an opinion of them and she definitely likes you.  I know I'm a dead man now.  I could see you two plotting my demise."

Karen: "Demise? that sounds a bit ominous for someone that's only thirteen."

Ace: "Exactly, I'm only thirteen and already I got my mom and the woman I love ready to start picking out china patterns together.  How am I going to sow my wild oats when I get older with a house with a white picket fence, a two car garage, two point four kids, and a dog by the time I get old enough to have wild oats to sow or whatever I got?"

[Ace has a big smile on his face and Karen starts smiling back.]

Karen: "That is serious.  I better get some curtains and doilies ready to help spruce up the place a bit.  I'd better start knitting some baby booties too.  Two point four kids?"

Ace: "Yup, a boy, girl and a point 4 midget that we keep in the basement just like every other typical american family out there according to the statistics.  Statistics don't lie you know."

Karen: "I had no idea you'd given this so much thought.  I'm impressed."

Ace: "Well, you impressed my mom, that's for sure."

Karen: "I think you'll survive.  I can see you look like your mom, but you have your dad's eyes somewhat."

Ace: "Yeah, my dad's nickname is Bud, and that was where Bubby came from.  My grandfather is big too.  I guess I'm the runt of the litter, but when I was younger people thought I would grow up to be big like my dad and grandfather, but I didn't. Yeah, I was a bit worried about when my mom kind of recognized you, but she didn't put it together and that was a relief.  You did wonderful on that one."

Karen: "See, I told you."

[Karen then gives Ace a stern look.]

Karen: "I don't ever want to hear you call her your little sister again.  I hated that name and I still do.  Understand?"

[Karen picks up a paperback book off of her desk and throws it at Ace overhand but not a hard throw.  Book hits Ace in chest and then Ace puts book back on Karen’s desk gently.]

Ace: "Understood."

Karen: "Yeah, I saw that look on your face when I said kid and I meant it too.  Even if your sister acts up sometimes, can you blame her?  How would you feel being called little all the time?"

[Karen throws same book back at Ace and hits Ace right between the eyes.  After book hits Ace Karen puts her arms up over her head and says…]

Karen:  “Bulls-eye!”

[Karen then puts her arms down.  Karen is wearing a red dress with a long white sweater over top of the dress.]

[Ace gently puts book back on Karen’s desk again and says…]

Ace: "Thanks, I hadn't thought about that."

Karen: "If I ever hear you call her your little sister again, I am going to hurt more than your feelings, got it?"

Ace: "Noted."

Karen: "I would definitely run out of stuff on my desk to throw at you if I ever find out you called her your little sister again, got it?"

Ace: "I definitely got it, right between the eyes."

[Karen and Ace start giggling together.]

Karen: "How do you think your parents would feel if they found out you were flirting with an older woman?"

Ace: "All you would have to do is just tell my mom you were Karen Carpenter and she would probably hogtie me to the bed and tell you to have at it. I don't bring girls home and such, so they would probably be glad I was at least doing something.  Most of the time anymore, I just sit in my room by myself like my mom said.  But if they found out you were actually Karen Carpenter, you could pretty much do what you wanted with me.  Like my mom said already, just name it.  But really, my parents aren't the problem.  It's the area.  Small area and everyone talks.  The only way we could get away with it is if only once.  And honestly, only once is not an option between us and we both know it.  You could definitely not be a one night stand with me."

[Other kids start entering room so talking stops.]

Scene 51 – “New Student Talk”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Jay

[Ace and Karen sitting and talking in classroom.  Jay is sitting in classroom too.]

Karen: “Ace, don’t you need to go to the bathroom?”

Ace: “Not really, but I can at least try and fake it.”

[Ace leaves and goes to bathroom and when Ace comes back Jay is gone.]

Karen: “Thanks.  I was just seeing how he was adjusting.”

Ace: “Oh, Jay, he’s doing pretty good.  He likes to draw and stuff.  His brother John plays bass for the group The Rods which I guess are doing well over in Japan.”

Karen: “Well I was just checking because I remember when Richard and I moved from Connecticut to Downey and that feeling of being left out.  I wanted to make sure he was all right.  Thanks.”

Ace: “No prob.  Yeah, we don’t really have the cliques and such around here like they do elsewhere.  Everyone kind of does there own thing.  You know Fred, Fred cuts the grass for the Houghton Mansion on the next block down.  But Jay seems to be doing all right.”

Karen: “Back in June 1963, me and my family moved from New Haven Connecticut to Downey California and it took a little while to adjust.  When we first got to Downey I didn’t know anyone and I felt kind of like an outsider at first.  An outcast.  Then I started meeting people and playing baseball with the guys and things started getting better but it was rough adjusting at first as everyone has their cliques and such.  When we first moved to Downey, I got the nickname Pudge because I was thirteen years old and about four foot nothing and I weighed a hundred and twenty pounds back then.  That was when I started giving everyone nicknames because after I became Pudge, I started meeting different people.  And of course there’s Pudge now that catches for the Boston Red Sox so at least one Pudge made the majors, but I’m a pitcher and he’s a catcher.  But I got the nickname in 1963 so Pudge copied me, the original.”

Ace: “Yup, you’re the original all right.”

Karen: “I had the nickname first, so Carlton Fisk is the copy cat, but that’s fine because Pudge is a great name and should be in the majors playing baseball.”

Ace: “No argument there.  Thanks.  I always kind of wondered why you had nicknames for everyone and everything.  Now I know.”

Karen: “Yeah, nicknames are nice and make you feel like you belong.  The baseball guys used to call me Pudge and the girls knew me as Karen.  Because I knew the jock baseball players at school, girls would ask me if I could fix them up with the guys.  I learned to play matchmaker and I was kind of popular not as a singer because I didn’t sing back then, but because I knew all the cute guy baseball players.”

Ace, “Yup.”

Karen and Ace [together]: “Tomboys and mud pies.”

Ace: “I’d talked with Jay before so I knew he was doing all right.  Yeah, it can be rough being the new guy or gal and not knowing anyone and such.  Jay’s a good guy.  He’ll be fine I think.  And yeah…”

Karen and Ace [together]: “Great minds think alike.”

Ace: “And now I know why you don’t like being called little sister too.”

Karen: “Yup, growing up I was always introduced as Richard’s little sister and it used to annoy me.  Well, as you noticed, it still does.  But after we moved to Downey I was Pudge and not Richard’s little sister anymore.  Richard understands now as many times at the signing tables people come up and call him Karen’s brother, Richard.  I think it was 1974 and we were touring Japan and a local reporter got lead singer and sister mixed up.  We had some T-shirts made up with lead sister on the front and my name Karen on the back with the number one half or one of two depending on how you looked at it.  But being known as just being someone’s brother or sister is kind of frustrating really.  My brother didn’t really understand until after we started becoming famous and people referred to him as brother Richard instead of just Richard.  But Richard and me understand each other really well as we’ve always seemed to have similar experiences so we’re almost always on the same wave length.”

Ace: “My sister’s kind of had the same thing too because I was born first and so my sister has always kind of followed in my shadow so to speak.  I was the quiet one that had all the answers whereas my sister was and still is a chatterbox and usually doesn’t have a clue.  Many of my older teachers would make the comment that my sister wasn’t anything like her older brother which is true with us.  But like I said too, my sister and my mom and dad are kind of stubborn and I’m kind of the flexible one.  But I’m kind of the cracked egghead and she’s the chatterbox.  But with the stubbornness I try and avoid that.  We’re family but I kind of stand out because I’m not stubborn like they are.  At least not yet anyway.  Never say never.”

Karen: “Ain’t that the truth.  I learned to never say never a long time ago and glad you brought that up, but as usual, we’ve run out of time again.”

Ace: “Yup, five,  four, three, two, one” [end of period buzzer goes off.] “You’re always right as usual.”

Scene 52 – “Avon Calling”

Background: Ace’s house, 265 East Third Street, Corning, NY 14830.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Marge, Lois Crandell, Ed Mishrell

[About 8 PM and dark outside.  Karen walks up front steps of house and front door is wide open.  Karen walks into house and Ace is in his bedroom which is near the back of the house.]

Karen: “Hello.  Anyone home?”

[Ace in his room.]

Ace: “Back here.  What’s up?”

[Karen walks into Ace’s bedroom and Ace is sitting on his bed and his walls are loaded with Beatle pictures.]

Karen: “I’m here for the Tupperware party.  Where is everyone?”

Ace: “That’s upstairs.  Here I’ll walk you around front and take you there.”

[Karen has a stunned look on her face as she was expecting to see girly pictures instead of Beatle pictures.]

Karen: “My brother would love your room.  [Big smile on Karen’s face] Better yet, I don’t want to take a chance of being seen.  Can we go around the back somehow?”

[Ace gets off bed in a hurry and says what is below while walking with Karen about fifteen feet to the back door.]

Ace: “No problem.  Follow me.  The back door is just off my room here.  Oh yeah, that’s the basement.  Careful here, there is about a two and a half foot drop to the ground.”

[Ace goes out first.]

Ace: “Be careful.”

[Karen almost falls down not realizing how far two and a half feet is and grabs onto the door handle before she almost fell ass over tin cup so to speak. Karen is holding onto the door handle for dear life and door slams into the side of the house.]

Karen: “Oh shoot.”

Ace:  “I got ya.  You’ll be fine.”

[Karen steps down onto ground finally and then Ace and Karen start running towards the back yard.]

Ace: “Watch out for the picnic table.  It’s dark and it’s right over there.”

[Karen runs into the picnic table and a loud thud as the table bounces up against the house.]

Karen: “Darn.”

Ace: “Look out for…”

[Karen backs up into a rake, shovel and hoe that are leaning up against the house and knocks them over and dogs start barking in the background.  Karen and Ace are starting to laugh together and then Karen goes to step forward and steps on the rake part of the stone rake and the handle of the stone rake bonks Karen right between the eyes.]

Karen: “Ouch. That hurts.”

Ace: “Well, at least it was the rake and not the hoe.”

[Ace and Karen are laughing out loud and dogs are barking in the background and neighbors can be heard yelling.  Stuff neighbors are yelling are “Quiet down.”, “I said shut up. Damn dogs.”, “I hear you out there moving. Come on show yourselves. I got my gun on ya.”, “I called the cops. Come on show yourselves you burglars. I see you. You might as well give up.”, “What’s going on out there.”, “Come on out where I can see ya.”, “Stop playing possum. I know where you are and you might as well come out before I shoot ya out.”, “It’s no use now.  I got the drop on ya.  Come out with your hands up before I blast yas.”, “I see your beady little eyes. I’m gonna get ya.” For about a 3 to 4 block radius with different neighbors at the same time in different areas overlapping.]

[Ace and Karen start back up after laughing and head around back of the house towards the four foot high redwood fence that surrounds the back yard. Karen steps in a gopher hole in the backyard and falls over into the fence with a thud.]

Karen: “Darn gopher hole.”

Ace: “Are you all right?”

[Ace helps Karen up and Ace and Karen look at the fence.  Karen tries to lift herself up to go over the fence but can’t do it.  Karen’s long skirt gets caught on the fence and then Ace and Karen get her skirt uncaught. Ace tries holding his hands out and interlocked so that Karen could step in his hands and over the fence but when Karen puts her foot in Ace’s hands, Ace’s hands come apart.]

Ace: “I got an idea.”

[Ace gets down on all fours by the fence and next Karen steps up on Ace’s back and then goes to go over the fence. Ace is looking straight down at the ground and says…]

Ace: “Nice view.”

Karen: “You son of a…” [Karen cuts just short of saying it all.]

[Karen stomps really hard on Ace’s back and goes over fence.]

Ace: “Ouch. That hurts.”

[Karen almost falls over after going over other side of fence and says…]

Karen: “Serves you right!”

[Ace hoists himself over the fence by himself and after he gets over the fence, the neighbor, Marge, is standing there.]

Marge: “Bubby, I’m surprised at you. She seems to be a nice girl and you shouldn't be sneaking nice girls out the back door. I have three nice boys that would get their asses whooped if they did such a thing to you.”

Ace: “It was her idea” [Ace points to Karen and Karen stands there with her hands out to her sides as if to say “well? It was my idea.” Without saying anything.]

[Ace opens up the door to the stairway to the upstairs apartment and Ace and Karen start running up the stairs to get to the apartment while laughing.  About the sixth or seventh stair up and both Karen and Ace at the same time fall forward up the stairs and are really laughing now. Karen and Ace finally get to the upstairs apartment door and knock and Lois opens the door and Karen just leaps in and falls on the floor and is rolling back and forth in front of the kitchen sink and covering her face and just laughing hysterically and tears are streaming down her face.  Ace is literally holding on to the counter to keep from falling over on the floor and neither Ace nor Karen can talk as they are both laughing so hard and tears are running down both Karen and Ace’s faces.]

Lois: “Are you two all right? Ed, quick. Come here.  I think they’re hurt.”

[Ace and Karen are laughing and Ed is in the adjoining living room and watching TV. A commercial comes on and Ed leaps up over his chair and out into the kitchen and at first he pulls Karen’s hands away from her face and…]

Ed: “She’s laughing.”

Lois: “Are you sure they aren’t hurt?”

[Ed looks over at Ace, then…]

Ed: “I’m sure. He’s laughing too. I gotta hear this one.  Can you talk yet?”

[Ace is shaking his head no and trying to catch his breath to talk. After a short while Ace talks with tears streaming down his face and Karen still rolling around on the floor and laughing while rolling back and forth.]

Ace: “Didn't you hear us sneaking up here? I don't think we're going to try and sneak around again any time soon are we Honey?  I said, let's go around the front, but no, she wanted to sneak around the back, so..."

Ace: “The first 'oh shoot' was when Karen realized what I said about the first step being a long step and she almost fell ass over tin cup out the door.  The next 'darn' and thud was when Karen ran into the picnic table out back that I warned her about.  The next 'oh shoot' after the loud bang was when Karen backed into the rakes and shovels and knocked them over after she ran into the picnic table.  The 'ouch that hurts' was Karen stepping on the rake and bonking herself in the head with it.  Then Karen tried to get a running start for the fence and tripped in a gopher hole and that was where the 'darned gopher hole' came from and the loud thud from where she hit the fence.  Then we realized that Karen couldn't make it over the 4 foot high fence which is where the next 'darn' came in after her skirt got caught on the fence.  I came up with an idea, so I got down on all fours and Karen stepped up on my back so that she could get over the fence.  The 'you son of a ...' came from when Karen didn't realize that I was on all fours looking at dirt but I figured I would have a little fun so I said 'nice view' as Karen stepped on my back.  The loud 'ow that hurt' came from me as someone stepped on my back.  The 'serves you right' came after Karen got over the fence.  Then after we both finally got over the fence, Marge, the neighbor that is always asleep by five o'clock, was standing there giving me a lecture about how Karen seems to be a nice girl and how I, Bubby, shouldn't be sneaking nice girls out the back door and that she had some nice boys that would get their asses whooped if they did such a thing to her.  Then, on our way up here, you know how most people fall down the stairs?  Well, we're so coordinated that we managed to fall up the stairs because we were both laughing so hard.  So here we are safe and sound at last after sneaking out the back door, kind of.  If Marge is up this late, I'm pretty sure we woke up the whole neighborhood sneaking around." 

Scene 53 – “Keystone Kops.  The Aftermath.”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace and Karen sitting and staring and chuckling at each other in classroom sitting.]

Ace [announcer type voice]: “Last night, America's sweetheart, Karen Carpenter, was seen sneaking out of a back door.  What is this world coming to?  Film at eleven.  Are the cameras still rolling because I just gotta say she's got a nice butt too."


[Another scene.]

Ace: “The Keystone Kops couldn’t have planned that one any better than we did.”


[Another scene.]

Ace: "Last night, America's sweetheart, Karen Carpenter was caught sneaking out of a movie theater, well it used to be a movie theater but it is now a pile of bricks.  In a rare interview, Karen had this to say..."

Karen: "Is this thing on?  Buy US savings bonds for our future."

Scene 54 – “Tabloid Talk”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace is in the room and Karen comes in and slams a tabloid paper on her desk and is just fuming.]

Ace: “What’s up?”

Karen: “Rrrr, this makes me so mad.  The front page.  Look at that.”

Ace: “That’s not even you.  I can imagine.”

[Karen looks at the cover and then sees story on page 17 and flips tabloid open to the story which has another picture that doesn’t look like Karen either.  Karen quickly reads through the article.]

Ace: “Uh oh.  Something’s not right here.”

Karen: “I’ll say. I told my brother Richard and he’s looking into this.  This isn’t good.  The pictures aren’t even of me and this article is very misleading.  You see that name there?  I know that guy and he creeps me out.  Every time Richard and I sit for an interview he always has these awkward comments like gorgeous and you’re beautiful and like that.  This guy just creeps me out.  He gives me the willies."

Ace: “This sounds bad.  Keep talking ‘cause I know you’re really upset and talking helps.”

Karen: “I don't know what the big deal is that my mom doesn't hug me makes the front page.  My mom doesn't hug my brother either but you never hear that mentioned. This happened in February and I was there and they brought my mom in and told me and my mom to hug each other.  It was very awkward because my mom was not a hugger and they never discussed this with me or my mom beforehand.  So there they were trying to force me and my mom to hug each other.  It was horrible.  You don't force people to hug each other like that in front of total strangers.  I don't know what they were thinking but I let them know what I was thinking and they didn't like it.  Next thing I know this ends up in the papers with a lot of misleading information as usual.  I am actually glad that me and my mom didn't hug because they probably would have accused us of being what was that word again?  Thespians?"

Ace: "Lezzies, um, lesbians.  Thespians are actors and actresses."

Karen: "Yeah, they would have probably put it all over the papers that me and my mom were lesbians.  I'm so furious over this.  How is trying to traumatize people helping them?"

Ace: "I'm going to duck now, but if you do turn lesbian can I watch?"

Karen: "Not funny Adrian.  Honestly, I like guy parts, not girl parts.  I thought about it, and I could never be like that."

[Karen smiles.]

Karen: "Thanks, I just realized that how can I turn lesbian or whatever when I can't even bring myself to hug my own mother?"

Ace: "Yeah, you can't believe all that you read in the tabloids.  But then again, some people will believe anything or else the tabloids wouldn't be selling.  I mean honestly, your therapy sessions are supposed to be private.  Like you said, this is bad, and you're right about that, I would be furious too."

Karen: "Richard's looking into it.  There were definitely some breach of privacy issues broken.  Thanks for being my sounding board.  I've been so upset lately over this as you've probably noticed.  Thanks for helping me feel better like always."

Ace: "My pleasure.  It's always great seeing that awesome smile of yours.  Thanks."

Karen: "Pardon me for asking, but have you ever thought about becoming a doctor when you get older?  I think you would make a good doctor.  You've always helped me out a lot."

Ace: "I've thought about it, Doctor Ace, but it's not like the old days when people became doctors to help people.  Anymore, it's all about making money as you've been noticing and I'm not like that."

Karen: "My family has always been there for me and trying to say that my family didn't care about me was the straw that broke the camel's back.  If it wasn't for my family suggesting it, I never would have went there in the first place.  But I was having problems and it seemed like they only made my problems worst.  I had the eating disorder and it had nothing to do with my family.  No one else in my family had the problem of anorexia nervosa and so trying to blame my family just does not make any sense.  But saying my family did not love or care about me was just an outright lie and I let them have it for saying that.  I was furious and in tears because I was so mad at them and I dropped the f bomb on them right in front of my mom.  I was waiting for my mom to backhand me but instead she said enough Karen, we need to leave this place.  This place isn't doing you any good or me either.  And me and my mom left and my mom walked me to the car and left me the keys.  My mom slammed the car door and she never slams the door and my mom told me that if I saw emergency vehicles show up that I was to leave and go home and watch it on the six o’clock news and then she gave me one of those I’m probably never going to see you again type hugs.  It was February so I turned on the car and got the heater running.  My mom walked about a half city block into the clinic and the office is located in the center of the building.  I could hear every word my mom said to them.  About a week later I got the bill and when I went in to pay it they were all opening and holding the doors for me and were being so nice.  I just walked in and paid the bill and then I left and never went back.  That article is very misleading and Richard is looking into it.  I’m not sure who leaked this either but I have my ideas.  But it wasn’t like that.  Even the psychiatrist that was on duty said that the therapist had messed up and shouldn’t have done what he did.  But afterwards my mom was looked at as a hero in the area because she stood up to them and she was right in doing so.  My mom stood by my bedside for fourteen to sixteen hours a day when I was in the hospital in nineteen seventy-five and every time I have had a problem my mom has always been there for me and now this.  People like this just make me so mad.  Sorry for taking it out on you like this."

Ace: “Sorry?  No need to be sorry.  This is a serious problem.  Glad I can try and help.  It isn’t everyday that you get to talk to someone that makes the front page of a paper that most people use to potty train their puppies on.  This is such an honor.  I understand about the love stuff too.  They did mess up on that.  My family is the same way.  Back when the meaning of the word love meant to have sex with someone.  It was after the Beatles’ song All You Need Is Love that they changed the meaning to mean caring too.  That was in nineteen sixty-seven during the summer of love just a little after I was born in sixty-four.  But my grandparents are like that too where love means sex not caring.  My parents are like that too.”

Karen: “I ended up having about a two hour talk with my mom about how they changed the meaning of the word love to mean caring instead of just having sex.  It was a rough talk because imagine having to have a talk with your mom about sex.  It was just awkward.  My mom kind of understood but she isn’t comfortable with the idea.  It’s one of those generation gap things.”

Ace: “I can imagine and that must have been some talk.  My parents and grandparents are the same way.  Love means sex.  That’s kind of weird too, not the talk with your mom part, but you and I don’t seem to have that generation gap thing between us.  We’re both on the same wave length most of the time.”

Karen: “Yeah, I’ve been noticing that too.  We don’t really have a generation gap between us for some reason.  I haven’t figured that out yet either.”

Ace: “Me neither [neether] or is that neither [nie ther].  One of those, but anyway yeah, they’ll be coming in shortly.  But I think it’s more peer pressure than how we’re raised.  I’m kind of an odd ball though if you haven’t noticed.  I’m more used to talking with adults than kids my own age.  I guess I grew up too fast or whatever.  Kids just don’t understand.  That’s probably why I don’t have much of an imagination.  I grew up too fast and got stuck in the real world.”

Karen: “Glad you brought that up.  Yeah, a little imagination goes a long way and you might want to work on that.  The real world will always be there.  Childhood won’t.  Enjoy it while you got it kiddo.”

Ace: “Kiddo?  I resemble that remark.  Like you, I really don’t want to grow up and be serious and all that but I guess we’re all stuck with it.”

Karen: “You get used to it.  You still don’t like it but you get used to it.”

Scene 55 – “Turkey Talk”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom talking.]

Karen: “What is this I hear about turkey day?”

Ace: “It’s a local tradition around here.  You have the people that celebrate Thanksgiving and what they have to be thankful for and then you have others that celebrate Turkey Day because they feel they have nothing to be thankful for.”

Karen: “That makes sense.  Kind of.  I know a few people like that.”

Ace: “Yeah, we have a few like that too.  Always complaining about everything and never happy.  You know, turkeys.”

Karen: “I know a few turkeys.  Do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?”

Ace: “We’ll have just a family dinner at the house with turkey and all the trimmings, cranberry sauce and all that.”

Karen: “I’ll be flying home and have Thanksgiving there.  Turkey and stuffing and all the trimmings too.  It’s a four day weekend and will give me a chance to recharge my batteries.  I’ve been kind of run down lately.”

Ace: “Yeah, I’ve kinda noticed as we haven’t talked as much and I figured you were getting a little homesick.”

Karen: “This is the longest I’ve ever been away from my brother.  I saw him back in mid October but only for a couple days and we had to work during that time on our upcoming Christmas special.  This will give me a little time to catch up with things back home.  I call home all the time but it just isn’t the same as being there.”

Ace: “Ketchup on turkey?  Whatever floats your boat I guess, but yeah, I’ve kind of noticed you’ve been a little quiet lately so I figured you might be getting homesick a little.  I figured you needed your space.”

Karen: “Thanks.  I have been a little homesick lately but not like I thought I would be.  I’ve kind of gotten used to my routines here now and going back home is going to be a little different with my old routines.  It’s kind of weird but I’ve gotten so used to our talks that I’m not sure how I’m gonna handle it.  It will be great getting back home and seeing the folks and Richard and celebrating Thanksgiving and all, but I just have this weird feeling that I'm going to start missing you.”

Ace: “Uh oh, mushy stuff.  You’ll get over it.  It’s only a couple extra days and it will fly by without you even knowing it.  You’ll be fine.  The only reason you would miss me is because I learned to duck now from your right hook.  But yeah, I enjoy our talks too.  But you need a vacation from your vacation and it’ll give us more to talk about when you get back.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that mushy stuff.”

Karen: “Yeah, that mushy stuff.  And thanks because I know I really need to get back home and sort stuff out again.  It’s only a short break like you said, but I’ve got so used to teaching and all my routines that it is going to be a little different being home again this time if that makes sense.”

Ace: “Perfect sense.  You need a break.  Trust me.  Then after a few days on crutches you’ll be all better again besides how are you gonna find out if you’re going to miss me or not if you don’t take a break?  You hadn’t thought of that had you?”

Karen: “I guess you’re right.”

Ace: “Of course I’m wrong.  I’m a guy, remember?  No wait, there’s always a first time for everything I guess.  But you’ll see.  You’ll be back before you know it.”

Scene 56 – “You Said A Mouthful”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen has a teeth whitening tray and she squeezes out the whitening tube into the tray then puts the tray into her mouth.]

Karen [before putting the tray in her mouth]:  “This is to whiten my teeth.  I put it in for about ten minutes and it helps whiten my teeth.  Could you time me?”

Ace:  “Sure.  Go ahead and I’ll let you know when time’s up.”

[Karen puts tray into her mouth.]

Ace:  "Does that taste good?"

Karen:  [mumbles “It’s not polite to talk with your mouth full”]

Ace:  “How long has it been anyway?”

Ace: "So what's up for today?"

Karen:  [mumbles “I can’t talk with my mouth full”]

Ace: "Are you tired of me asking you stupid questions when I know you can't talk with your mouth full?"

[Karen looks at Ace with a ‘stop being so stupid’ look]

Scene 0057 – “I’m Pregnant.”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), a girl (no name given)

[Ace and Karen are talking during lunch time and a girl walks up to Karen.]

Girl:  “Can I talk to you in private Miss Bihuniak?”

Karen:  “You can talk in front of Ace.  He won’t blab.”

Ace:  “What’s up?”

Girl:  “I kissed a boy and I think I’m pregnant.”

Ace [looking at Karen]:  “I think you ought to handle this one.  I know she’s not pregnant but this could get a little touchy.”

Girl:  “Ace, how do you know I’m not pregnant?  I kissed a boy.  That’s how my mom got pregnant after she married my dad.”

Karen:  “I got this one.  Have you done anything other than kiss this boy?”

Girl:  “No.  But what do I do now?  My mom and dad are going to be so mad at me.  I kissed a boy and now I’m going to be pregnant and I haven’t even finished school yet.  I didn’t mean for it to happen but it did and it was so wonderful but what do I do now?”

Karen:  “I can see this is bothering you and he’s no help.  I am very sure you aren’t pregnant.  They have tests for that.  I have one in my purse if you’d like.”

Girl:  “Really.  Thank you.  [looks at Ace] She’s right, you’re no help.”

Ace:  “This is a girl thing.  You picked the right girl with Miss Bihuniak.”

Girl:  “So how does this work Miss Bihuniak?”

Karen:  “Here, we’ll go into the bathroom and I’ll show you and then afterwards we’ll have a little talk.”

Ace:  “You’ll be fine.  She’ll help you and explain it to you and after you get back we’ll talk.  I think I already know what to say.”

Girl:  “OK, let’s go.”

[Karen and the girl go next door to the bathroom and Karen and the girl come back a little later.]

Ace:  “Negative right?”

Girl:  “Yes, but how did you know?”

Ace:  “You haven’t grown up enough to get pregnant yet.  You don’t have boobs so to speak.”

Girl:  “Oh, I hadn’t thought about that.  Thanks.”

Ace:  “Don’t mention it.  Just trying to help.  I understand that you’re nervous.  I would be too.  You’re fine.  Well, almost.  You do need to be careful though.”

Girl:  “I will and thanks Ace and thanks Miss Bihuniak.  This is definitely a load off my mind.  I’m definitely going to be careful.”

Karen:  “I know it’s going to be tough but you might want to mention this to your parents too.  Not to get the boy in trouble or anything, but just so that your parents know kind of thing.  And I know from experience that you want to really get to know a guy before having a baby.  There’s nothing wrong with talking and getting to know each other better.  If it’s really there, he’ll understand.”

Ace:  “You got that right Miss Bihuniak.  Nothing wrong with talking and getting to know someone first.  And if it’s really there, the more you talk the more it’s there.  I know that one for a fact.”

Girl:  “Thanks again.  You’ve been so helpful.  I better get going to lunch.”

[Girl leaves and Ace and Karen talk after she leaves.]

Ace:  “Yeah, they really don’t teach sex education around here until it’s too late.  It’s also kind of voluntary and they have to get permission slips from parents for that.  It’s really backwoods around here.  That look on your face was priceless.  What do I do now?”

Karen:  “How did you know what to say to her?”

Ace:  “I didn’t really.  It was just one of those things where it popped in there.  I guess I have a little imagination when I need it but it’s kind of few and far between.”

Karen:  “Well, I was glad it just kind of popped in there as I was lost and I didn’t really know what to say to her other than a talk about the birds and the bees.  I like that you’re too young better.  Not as messy.”

Ace:  “Yeah, you really don’t want to step on parents’ toes too much either.  So that was a nice one on your part too about talking about it.  We make a great team.”

Karen:  “You’re just full of surprises aren’t you?”

Ace:  “Glad you noticed back when, but yeah I have street smarts as you called it.  Knowing enough to get me in trouble but smart enough to avoid it.  Most of the time anyway.”

Karen:  “Trouble, that’s an understatement.  You’re trouble all right.”

Ace:  “Thanks.  You too.  We’re a lot alike.  Trouble’s our middle names.  That was a close one for sure.  Now you know what teachers go through first hand.  You have all these problems to solve and all these rules that keep you from solving them.  Like what happened, you just hope things work out somehow.”

Karen:  “But yeah, she’s got a rude awakening some day.  Glad it wasn’t today.”

Ace:  “Rats, I should have told her about wax lips while I had the chance.  Oh well, maybe next time.”

[Ace and Karen kind of chuckle together.]

Karen: “That’s funny.  I feel like I’m turning into my mom more and more every day.  I like this problem solving stuff.”

Ace: “Me too.  Well, not the like your mom stuff but usually problems are serious.  Not us.  We seem to have fun being serious.”

Karen: “We sure do.”

December 1978

Scene 58 – “Birthday Wishes”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Max Baer Jr.

[Karen is sitting in her chair and Ace comes into the room.  Ace is also tired too.]

Karen: “I remembered.  Happy birthday.  I made a special cupcake for your birthday with a candle in it.  How’s it feel to be fourteen?”

Ace: “Tiring.  I know we were both up all night for different reasons and I’m hoping we both make it through today.”

[Karen lights the candle.]

Ace: “I can see it now, trick candle.  I got this.”

[Ace blows out candle and it isn’t a trick candle.  The flame goes right out.]

Karen: “Well, you spritzed my desk.  That’s OK.  I know what you wished for but remember to keep it a secret or else it won’t come true.”

Ace: “Yeah, I’m still trying to get used to us seeing each other’s thoughts.  It’s still kind of weird but cool too.”

Karen: “So what’s your big plans for today?”

Ace: “I was planning to go to Woolworth’s and get a record album but that can wait until tomorrow.  After school my mom will have a dinner and hopefully I make it through that.  We’re both tired and maybe we could take a nap for lunch today?”

Karen: “That sounds like a plan.  It’s Max’s birthday too today and we both know what he wants and I can sleep through that.”

Ace: “That’ll work I guess.  We’re both shot and I appreciate you making it back here.”

Karen: “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

Ace: “Me either.”

[Next scene – Ace in hallway.  Max talks to Ace as Ace leaves homeroom.]

Max: “Happy birthday.  Fourteen.  I turn forty-one today.  I know she’s tired and she had a show last night and she flew back and landed this morning just to be here on your birthday.”

Ace: “Happy birthday too.  That’s cool.  I know that the first Thanksgiving was on December fourth sixteen nineteen but this is the first time I’ve known someone born on today.  I also know she’s exhausted and hopefully we’ll get in a nap for lunch.”

Max: “Good idea.”

[Next scene fifth period lunch.  Karen is at her desk.  Ace walks in and sits at his chair.]

Karen: “I’m beat but I’m still hanging in there.”

Ace: “Me too.  I’ll set my watch alarm for one ten and that will give us a half hour at least.”

[Ace and Karen both have their arms folded and put their heads in their arms and take a nap together.  Ace’s watch goes off at one ten which is five minutes before the period ends.]

Karen: “That helped. I feel a lot better.”

Ace: “Me too.  I just noticed something too.  We both left puddles on our desks.  We both drool in our sleep.  That’s kind of neat.”

Karen: “Well don’t go telling people that stuff.”

Ace: “I definitely won’t.  But we’re so alike in so many ways.”

Karen: “That is kind of neat.  I’ll see you later.”

[Next scene next day after school is out.]

[Karen and Ace leave school together and walk down hill to Woolworth’s which is about three blocks away.  Ace and Karen enter Woolworth’s together and go to the record department.]

Ace: “There it is.  This is the album that has A Little More Love on it.  That song reminds me of you.  I’m going to get this one.”

Karen: “They have Passage here too and my cousin told me they restock with each order.  If you get this one I’ll even autograph it for you.”

Ace: “Cool, but I’m going to stick with this one.  I keep hearing that song and it reminds me of you.”

[Ace gets the Olivia Newton-John Totally Hot album.]

Scene 59 – “Jerry Weintraub Visits”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Jerry Weintraub, Richard Carpenter

[Karen and Ace sitting and talking in classroom.]

Karen: “My brother and Jerry are here.”

Ace: “Jerry?”

Karen: “Jerry, our manager.  Richard and him are here and this is important.”

Ace: “OK, no funny greetings.  What’s up?”

Karen: “Jerry booked the Bruth Forthyth show and Richard’s in bad shape.  I’m probably going to have to either cancel or do this alone.”

Ace: “OK.  Try saying Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.”

Karen: “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.”

Ace: “Great, now Suzie sells seashells by the sea shore.”

Karen: “Suzie sells seashells by the sea shore.”

Ace: “Awesome now try Bruce Forsyth.”

Karen: “Bruce Forsyth.  Hey, I did it.  Thanks.”

Ace: “Don’t mention it.  Now try it again, Bruce Forsyth.”

Karen: “Bruth Forthyth.”

Ace: “That’s what I figured.  You have a bruth block with thlurring your ethez with a lithp.”

Karen: “Funny.  I’ll have to remember that.”

Ace: “Hopefully you do because I don’t think I can.  That’s a mouthful.”

[Richard and Jerry enter the room.  Richard is shaking pretty bad.]

Jerry: “Hey, hey, long time no see.  So this is what you’ve been up to.  We’ll get wardrobe to look into something for you.  That old maid’s outfit ain’t gonna cut it for this.  You know me, sex sells baby.”

Karen: “Hi Jerry, Richard.  Glad you got here.  What’s up?”

Richard: “Can I get a glass of water for these pills?”

[Karen gets Richard a glass of water out of the drinking fountain and hands Richard the glass.  Richard is shaking so bad that the water shakes out of the glass but there is just enough for Richard to take the pills.]

Richard: “I’m bad.  This is bad.  I need to get help.”

Karen: “You’re getting worse.  Do you mean what you say about getting help?”

Richard: “Yes.  I can’t even get a glass of water now.  I should calm down in a minute or two but this is bad.”

Karen: “We can look into that place but we have a show to do, remember?”

Richard: “I can’t do it.  You’ll have to either cancel or do it alone.  I can’t do this anymore.  Who am I kidding.  I need help.”

Karen: “I’m going to hold you to that.  You’ve always been there for me and I want to be there for you too.  Well, Jerry, you’re the manager.  What do we do now.  Richard can’t perform like this and we have a show to do.  I can go on without Richard but Richard really needs some help.”

Richard: “I’ll tell you what.  Let’s flip a coin.  I’ll let you call it.  If you call it you do the show otherwise we cancel.”

Karen: “Sounds fair enough.”

Richard: “This is my lucky silver dollar.”

Ace: “I got this one.  Heads I win.  Tails you lose.”

Karen: “Not funny Ace.  I told you this was serious.”

Ace: “Sorry.  Just trying to help here.  Heads I win, tails you lose sounded helpful to me.”

Karen: “I got this one.  OK.  I call heads.  Flip it.”

[Richard holds out the silver dollar and hands it to Jerry as Richard is shaking too much to flip it.  Jerry flips the coin and it falls out of his hand and onto the floor.  Jerry picks it up and puts the coin under his hand on his wrist.]

Jerry: “I’ll tell you what.  Let’s just say that this is heads and you do the show without looking.”

Karen: “OK, I’ll do the show but I have to get a hold of my cousin to cover for me for the week.”

Jerry: “Fair enough, then you’ll do it?”

Karen: “I’ll do it on the condition that you look into Richard getting help for this and letting him take time off.  I’ll be fine.  It’s Richard I’m worried about.  I’ve never seen him this bad.  If you promise to let Richard get some help, I promise I’ll do this show.”

Jerry: “It’s a deal then.  Get a hold of your cousin and we’ll be off to merry old England.  Better yet, do you want your little friend to go with you instead of me?  I could just hop another flight later.”

Karen: “Ace, would you like to go to the UK with me?”

Ace: “I’ve always wanted to go there but unfortunately both of my parents are working right now and I wouldn’t be able to get my birth certificate in time to go.  I’ll have to pass.”

Karen: “OK, it’s settled then we do the show.  By the way, what was it?”

[Jerry lifts his hand and it was tails.]

Karen: “It figures.  I’ll meet you guys after I get stuff set up around here.”

Jerry: “That’s right, we need to go out to Los Angeles to get the tapes anyway so that Richard has a copy of the show too.  You know Richard wants a copy of everything you guys do.”

[Richard then Jerry leave the room.]

Karen: “I already talked with my cousin and she knows to look for you tomorrow.  She’s a teacher in Elmira so she should be fine just tell her that my planner is in the drawer there and she’ll be all right. Richard has the DTs and is shaking really bad so he can't perform.”

Ace: “I noticed and I noticed that you’re a little nervous too but can’t be helped I guess.  And yeah, DTs, delirium tremens, the shakes, I know that one too.  Ronny has them too but Ronny was born with it.”

Karen: “Richard’s is kind of self induced but I feel kind of responsible.  That’s why I got Jerry to agree to get Richard help.  That coin toss didn’t really matter to me.  Richard shaking was kind of the reason why I came here.  Richard was shaking so bad and then he said he quit and after that I came here to try and work on my problems too while Richard worked on his.  Let me show you something.”

[Karen pulls out a picture out of her wallet of Richard sitting in a yellow chair with casts on his leg and both wrists.]

Karen: "It was my fault and I feel bad that all this happened to my brother because I did something stupid and didn't listen to the signs.  But maybe after missing the show my brother might realize that he needs some help finally and try to get better.  In January of seventy-three my brother got into a motorcycle accident that was my fault.  It was me and my brother and my dad and my cousin Mark.  There were signs posted and instead of staying on the policed path, you know me and my wanting an adventure.  It was an adventure all right.  My brother was really brave and saved my life because I didn't see those other riders and those other riders were coming straight for me and Richard cut them off before they might have killed me.  I just hope my brother gets brave enough to fight this addiction too.  He got addicted to quaaludes."

Ace: “Yeah, chicks dig scars.  Are you sure Richard did that to save you and not get scars to pick up chicks with?  Scars are cool for guys.  War wounds we call them.”

Karen: “I’m sure.  Anyway, I better get going and you can help my cousin look after things while I’m away.”

Ace: “Will do.  I know you’re not nervous about doing the show but you are nervous about your brother getting better.  I wish I could go but maybe some other time.”

Karen: “Hopefully there isn’t another time because those places where you get help are usually a couple months and without Richard, Jerry really can’t book anything else until Richard gets better.”

Ace: “Yeah, you’d better get going.  I’ll help hold down the fort while you go forth and conquer the brave new frontier or whatever it is.  Oh shoot, I forgot.  I have to leave before you so you can lock the door.”

Karen: “Thanks.  As you probably noticed that coin toss didn’t really matter to me.  I planned on doing the show anyway but I needed to get Jerry to get Richard some help.”

Ace: “I noticed and just so you know others have already warned me about not getting into an argument or making deals with you.  I was told that you get what you want anyway through promises and I got to see that first hand today.  Thanks.”

Karen: “They did did they?  I do have Max wrapped around my finger if you haven’t noticed.  We women have our ways.”

Scene 60 – “Cousin Wendy Substitutes”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Ace (Age 13/14), Wendy Y Bihuniak

[Wendy is already in classroom.  Ace enters classroom.]

Wendy Y: “Good morning.  She told me you would be in early.”

Ace: “Morning.  Yeah, her and I talk a lot together.  We get along really well.”

Wendy Y: “I already found her lesson plan for today.  You miss her don’t you?”

Ace: “Yeah, but don’t tell her that.  She needs to get out and enjoy the world once in a while.  That’s right, me and the teacher across the hall, Max, Mr. Baer, know and cousin David, but that’s about it.  The rest don’t have a clue.  She is friends with everyone and people will be probably stopping by to see you and ask how she’s doing.  I think her excuse is that her brother’s sick and she had to go back home for a week.  She has everyone seated alphabetically so roll call is pretty easy.  The cafeteria’s in the basement and lunch is fifth period.  This was at the last minute and she really didn’t have a chance to plan much.  If there’s anything you need just ask.”

Wendy Y: “That’s what she said you’d say.  She already warned me about the guy across the hall.  I should be fine but I’ll let you know.  You really do care about her don’t you?”

Ace: “Yes, but as you can tell with my age it would be asking for trouble.  We mostly talk about life in general and that kind of stuff and not that much about her career.  We joke around and play pranks on each other to help pass the time.  We’ve been singing Christmas carols together lately to keep her Christmas spirit up.  She has been getting a little homesick because she is used to being home for Christmas.”

Wendy Y: “Thank you and if I do need anything I’ll be sure to ask.”

Ace: “Thanks, but I figure you already got this.”

Wendy Y: “That I do.”

Scene 61 – “Karen Returns Before Christmas”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in room talking.]

Ace: “Welcome back.  I missed you too.  How’d it go?”

Karen: “It went great actually.  I flew out there and then I had to fly back and meet with Richard in Topeka Kansas so that Richard could get set up to go into rehab.  Then I flew back and finished the show.  It went great because my brother is finally going to try and do something about his problem.”

Ace: “That’s good.  Your cousin had everything under control.  I think she’s done this before.  Well, not at this school, but that teaching stuff anyway.”

Karen: “Yeah, she said she talked with you a little.  Too bad you don’t get his show over here.  You’re pretty famous over in the UK, well at least after they show it on the twenty third anyway.  I still couldn’t say his name”

Ace: “Yeah, I remember Bruth forthyth I mean Bruce Forsyth.”

Karen: “It was tough trying to say his name.  During the show I said the BF show and got a laugh.  Does that mean what I think it does?”

Ace: “Well in british slang it would mean bum f and in american it would mean butt f, is that what you’re thinking?”

Karen: “I thought so.  They didn’t have time to censor it out but it might help as far as that goody two shoes image a little.  Maybe not.  It was just a slip of the tongue.”

Ace: “Except for the porn crowd, I think it probably went over most people’s heads.”

Karen: “You’re pretty famous over there, before the show I was nervous so I asked Bruce to say your name to help me try and relax.  You don’t get that show over here so you’ll never know.”

Ace: “People are always trying to ace stuff, it’s about time the UK joined in too.”

Karen: “I also remembered something and I want you to watch our Christmas special tomorrow on ABC whatever that channel is around here, three I think.  And I know it isn’t Christmas yet but I have something that I’ll give you before I leave and you can open it on Friday.”

Ace: “OK, thanks.  I’ll watch the special tomorrow.”


[Friday morning.  Karen and Ace sitting talking in classroom.]

Karen: “Here.  I got this for you.  If you watched the show they used an old clip instead of the one I shot for the Merry Christmas Darling scene.  That original clip had me with a gold wrapped present.  We did a remake with this present in the green foil wrap but we went with the original take for the show.  The original gold wrapped present was a pen and pencil set for my dad.  The remake is this present I got for you.”

[Karen hands Ace a small box that is wrapped in green foil wrapper.  Ace opens it and it is a calligraphy fountain pen set with a plastic ink well and a packet of ink and a calligraphy instruction sheet on how to do calligraphy.]

Karen: “I almost lost that as when they tore down the set after the filming, I had forgot to grab it out of the mailbox and the prop guys almost walked off with it.”

Ace: “I got you something too.  I know it ain’t the greatest but I’m working on that.”

[Ace hands Karen a medium sized present wrapped in regular Christmas paper.]

Karen: “It’s the thought that counts.  Thanks.”

[Karen opens the present and it is a bank that looks like a toilet and it makes a flush sound when you pull the lever.]

Karen: “I saw those.  That’s kind of neat.  Thanks.  Merry Christmas.”

Ace: “The batteries are included and I know you love stuffed animals and such but this was a little different so now you can say you got crap for Christmas. Well, kind of anyway.  Thanks.  Merry Christmas.  I know we’re going to miss each other over this long break.  I also know how homesick you’ve been and I know you need to get back home.”

Karen: “They are saying we’re going to get a big snow storm and I’m kind of worried about my flight.”

Ace: “Me too now.  I know how much you need to get back home.  But that’s what they invented prayers for.  Things will work out.  You’ll see.”

January 1979

Scene 62 – “After New Years 1979”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc., Wendy S House,93 West Fifth Street, Corning, NY 14830

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Wendy S Bihuniak

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom.  Karen has a bottle of Dom Perignon Champagne.]

Karen: “I know we both missed each other and we weren’t able to be together for New Years.  I snuck this bottle in.  Dom, my favorite.  I like the way the bubbles tickle your nose.”

Ace: “Thanks.  We’ll be all right.  People don’t show up until later.”

Karen: “I was hoping to do the wish with you.  You know where you break the glasses after the toast and make a wish.”

Ace: “That’ll work.”

[Karen pulls out two martini type glasses and the bottle gets uncorked.  Ace and Karen both have Champagne in their glasses.]

Karen: “Here’s to the new year.”

Ace: “Here’s to the new year.”

[Karen throws her glass and it hits and the stem breaks and the glass cracks but the glass doesn’t shatter.]

Ace: “I got this.”

[Ace throws his glass and both glasses shatter into small pieces.]

Ace: “Remember, we can’t say our wishes or else they won’t come true even though we both know what we wished for.”

Karen: “Yup.  We both wished for the same thing.”

Ace: “I’ll clean that up.  No biggie.”

[Karen reaches in her purse and pulls out a roll of Certs breath mints.]

Karen: “Here, you’ll need this for your breath.”

Ace: “You’re right.  Thanks.  You think of everything don’t you?”

Karen: “Someone’s gotta do it.”


[Another scene, end of day.]

Karen: “There’s only a drop left.  I’ll finish it off.  That went well.”

Ace: “I’ll say.”

Karen: “Would you mind walking me home today.  I’m all right just a precaution really.”

Ace: “Sure no problem.”

[Karen and Ace leave the room and walk together outside.  Karen lives with her cousin which is two blocks up and one block over.  On the way.]

Karen and Ace [together]: “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back.  Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back.”

Karen: “Hopscotch.  No rocks.”

[Ace walks over to the road and picks up a flat stone.]

Ace: “Got one.”

Karen: “Here we go”

[Karen tosses rock onto hopscotch and then hops. Then]

Karen: “Oops, oh shoot.  Try again.  It’s been a while.”

Ace: “Sounds good to me.”

[Karen tosses rock again then hops then]

Karen: “Oh shoot again.  One more time.  I think I got this now."

[Karen tosses the rock and does hopscotch once.]

Karen:  “Well, that was fun.  My cousin’s house is only up around the corner.  We’re about half way there now.”

[Ace and Karen continue walking and Ace is carrying Karen’s shopping bag.]

Karen: “Here we are.  You can set those down there.  I can get those.”

Ace: “Thanks.”

[Ace and Karen then stare at each other and then look around then stare at each other again.]

Ace: “There’s no one around.  I think we’d be all right.”

Karen: “I’ve waited so long for this.”

[Ace and Karen are standing by the front door and just as they start moving closer to each other the door opens up and]

Wendy S: “I was just watching the soaps and it looks like I got more action going on out here than what’s on the TV.  Come on in.  Show him around.  I don’t bite.”

[Ace and Karen look at each other and then walk inside.]

Karen: “I’ll show you around.  It’ll only take a minute.  There’s the kitchen, the living room, the garage, the back bedroom and over here is”

[Karen bumps the door handle and a hideaway bed flops out of the wall.]

Wendy S [laughing]: “Don’t take you long does it?”

[Karen is kind of nervous and Ace is almost busting out laughing.  The bed was stuck and only opened up about two thirds of the way.]

Ace: “It figures.  We get a bed that doesn’t open up all the way.  Here, I’ll help you with that.”

Karen: “On three, one, two, three.”

[The bed goes up and Karen closes the door and latches the door.  Karen’s dog Mush walks over and gets between Ace and Karen.]

Karen: “This is my dog Mush.  His papers say Malamute but I guess they call them samoyeds now.  Dogs are a pretty good judge of character.”

Ace: “We’re a couple of characters all right.  Hi Mushy.  Mommy’s home.”

Karen: “And mommy’s a little tipsy too.”

[Ace and Karen both pet Mush then Ace holds his hand out for Mush to sniff but Mush is clinging to Karen.]

Ace: “This is weird, usually dogs jump up on me and start licking me.”

Karen: “Mush is acting a little weird.”

Ace: “I know.”

[Ace walks alongside Karen and Mush stays between Ace and Karen.  Behind Karen, other side of Karen.  Mush is not pushing Karen and Ace apart but just keeps between Karen and Ace.]

Ace: “Not jealous or protective.  Not trying to push us away or bare teeth.  I think I know.  I think Mush thinks you are leaving with me and Mush doesn’t want to be left out and wants to go with us.”

Karen: “I didn’t know we were leaving.”

Ace: “Me neither, but if we go somewhere Mush has to go too.”

Karen: “Oh Mushy Wushy.  We’re not going anywhere.  I know what you need. [Karen starts singing] There’s a kind of Mush all over the world tonight, all over the world you can hear the sound of Mushy’s in love.  You know what I mean.  Just the two of ush all over the world tonight, all over the world you can hear the sound of Mushy’s in love.  You miss mommy don’t you? [pause] Mommy’s not going anywhere.  Mommy’s been drinking Mushy Wushy.  Mommy’s a little tipsy wipsy is all.”

Ace: “You’re home safe and I set your stuff in the kitchen.  I probably ought to get going before the cops get called.  Thanks for everything and nice meeting you.”

Wendy S: “Nice meeting you too.  Don’t be a stranger.  Come on back when you can stay longer.”

Ace: “I’ll try.  She’ll probably need a little rest and a nap.”

Wendy S: “I think you’re right.”

Karen: “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

Ace: “Fer sure.  See you tomorrow bright and early like always.”

[Ace leaves.]

Scene 63 – “The Morning After”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen in classroom sitting and Ace walks into classroom.]

Karen: “Wendy’s a home wrecker.”

Ace: “Wendy seems nice.  What brought this on.”

Karen: “I’d waited so long and Wendy’s a home wrecker.”

Ace: “Love hangover.  I got one too.  It wasn’t Wendy’s fault though.  It was just one of those things.  And then the bed getting stuck.  It’s just our luck I guess.  Just the way it goes.”

Karen: “I almost got my first kiss but that was funny when the door popped open and the bed flopped out and got stuck three quarters of the way down.  Like you said, just our luck I guess.”

Ace: “Just in the stars I guess and we were both loaded with stars in our eyes for sure.  We looked.  No one around and”

Karen: “Yeah home wrecker opened the door on us.”

Ace: “Well maybe I’m supposed to be family instead of just some red hot lover and maybe home wrecker did us a favor.  I got to meet your cousin and Mushy Wushy too.  That was pretty cool.”

Karen: “It was.  I’ve never had Mush act like that before.  So clingy like that.  I thought it was jealousy but like you said, Mush didn’t bare any teeth so Mush was fine with us being together.  And like you said, Mush didn’t want to be left out.  But she’s still a home wrecker.  I didn’t get my kiss.”

Scene 64 – “Forget Me Knots”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace and Karen sitting and talking]

Ace: “What’s up?”

Karen: “I just remembered that I needed to call my friend’s daughter, Edith Grace, for her birthday.  I tie a string around my finger so I remember to do something.  After I do it I cut the string off.  I got four strings now, one for Edith Grace, one for to remember to pick up bread tonight, one to remember that Richard goes into rehab on the tenth and I can’t remember what this one is for.”

Ace: “That’s interesting.  I hadn’t thought of doing something like that.  You know, forget me knots.  I’m kind of like an elephant though if you haven’t noticed.  I do have selective amnesia sometimes but I don’t usually forget.”

Karen: “I’ve noticed that about you too.  You don’t seem to forget anything.”

Ace: “Just the way it is I guess.”

Scene 65 – “Sweet Sweet Smile”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen sitting at her desk and Ace walks into classroom.]

Karen: "I know you've got a song stuck inside your head, don't you?"

Ace: "Yeah, you know don't you?"

Karen: "Yeah, and I think it's funny.  I heard it on the radio this morning too and I started laughing after I heard it because I knew you heard it too.  I warned you but you kept thinking that Olivia song reminded you of me.  Where's that Olivia song now, huh?  Oh well, you had your chance and now you can suffer.  It serves you right for not listening to me."

Ace: "You're really enjoying this aren't you?"

[Karen sits there with a big old sweet sweet smile on her face.  Sweet Sweet Smile song in background.]

Scene 66 – “Homecoming Dance Because No One Left Home”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Sandy, Joy, Julie L

[Ace and Karen in classroom.  8th period english class just letting out and three girls enter room and gather around Karen’s desk.  Ace stands up and gets ready to leave.]

Karen: "I was just curious, ten oh eight?"

Ace: "Ten oh six, sorry, I started it that time.  Twelve twenty-two?"

Karen: "Yup, twelve twenty-one.  I beat you that time.  Sorry about that.  I didn't break it did I?  You know, your concentration?  You look kind of lost."

Ace: "Not yet that I am aware of, I'm still thinking straight.  Thanks for asking."

Joy: "That's nice that you and Ace talk Bible verses together.  I think it's sweet."

Karen: "He's sweet alright.  Nice butt."

Joy: "Miss Bihuniak, you're being naughty"

Karen: "I call 'em as I see 'em"

[The girls giggle a little as Ace leaves the room.]

[Later after girls had left and Ace comes back for final homeroom.]

Karen: "I know I caught you off guard and I said no sexual innuendos, but I couldn't resist with them standing there.  It was just too funny and they didn't have a clue as you noticed.  That was kind of what drew me to you back when we met.  I kind of noticed that unlike most of the others here, you have some street smarts and common sense.  Thanks for playing along and not giving me away.  And as you'll also notice, I kind of have this thing about being considered a prude and at times I just can't help myself."

Ace: “Me either that was funny.”

Scene 67 – “Figured It Out”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom.]

Karen: “Well I figured out what that string on my finger was for.”

Ace: “Do tell.”

Karen: “Yup, remember when Paul Williams showed up with my new recording contract?”

Ace: “Oh yeah, back in October last year.”

Karen: “Yup.  I forgot to sign it and Richard just called me about it.  I asked Richard about the new album clause and he said it was taken care of with the Christmas album release so we should be fine.”

Ace: “That sounds good.”

Karen: “Anyway, Jerry is flying out in a couple days with the contract so I can sign it.  Richard was pretty upset about it but I stood my ground because after he said he quit how are we going to make a new album.  Richard told me without the new contract that I wasn’t getting any of the royalties.  Richard is doing good in rehab but he blew up at me over this.  Stuff like do we have to bring you home so we can keep an eye on you and this is important what are you doing out there.  At least I can take that string off my finger now.  I found out what it was for.”

Ace: “Stuff happens.  Hey, we get to see sex sells baby again.  Is he still twiddling his thumbs?”

Karen: “He’ll be out in a couple days and I need you to behave again.  No monkey business or Richard might bring me back home again.”

Ace: “Ok, no monkey business.”

Karen: “That’s better.”

[Ace starts twiddling his thumbs.  Karen starts twiddling her thumbs too.]

Scene 68 – “Jerry Weintraub Returns”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Jerry Weintraub

[Ace and Karen sitting in classroom.  Jerry Weintraub enters.]

Karen: “Hello Jerry.  I know just bring it over and I’ll sign it.  Sorry you had to come out here for this.”

[Ace waves to Jerry.]

Ace: “Hi Jerry.”

[Jerry waves back and walks over to Karen.]

Jerry: “I just need you to sign here and I’ll be on my way.”

Karen: “Fair enough.  Sorry again about dragging you out here and all of this.  It’s all my fault.”

Jerry: “Well at least it gives me a chance to get out of the office for a while.  Richard sounded pretty upset about this.”

Karen: “You know Richard and money.  He’ll get over it.  I need to thank you for getting Richard help finally.  I talked with him and he’s a little cranky but doing better.  Six weeks so he’s got about four more weeks to go.”

Scene 69 – “Otto and Elfriede Frank Visit”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Otto Frank, Elfriede Frank, Gary Yoggi

[Karen and Ace are talking in classroom.]

Karen: “I need you to go down to Woolworth’s and see if you can get a german english dictionary.”

Ace: “I got a pocket version if that will help.”

Karen: “Do you have it on you?”

Ace: “It’s in my locker.  It’s the small pocket version though and doesn’t have much.”

Karen: “That’ll do.  I need you here for lunch today because I have a mess.  I sent a letter to the Anne Frank Foundation and I mentioned a donation in the letter but I forgot to include a check.  They flew in earlier and are at Wendy’s right now.  I got a hold of someone to come in and translate but he is about an hour away so he’s driving here.  Anyway, be here for lunch.”

Ace: “OK.  No prob.”


[Ace and Karen sitting in classroom and Gary Yoggi, translator shows up and Otto and Elfriede Frank show up just after Gary.]

Karen: “Guten tag.”

Otto: “Guten tag. Sprichst du Deutsch?”

Karen: “Ein wenig.”

Otto: “Ich habe einen Brief erhalten und Sie haben eine Spende erwähnt.”

Gary: “I received a letter and you mentioned a donation.”

Karen: “I understood him but thanks.  Let’s see. Ich habe einen Fehler gemacht und vergessen, den Scheck einzuschließen. Ich hätte nicht gedacht, dass du hier rausfliegen würdest. Ich hatte nicht vor, eine große Spende zu machen.”

Elfriede: “Ich denke, wir haben einen großen Fehler gemacht.”

Otto: “Ich verstehe nicht.”

Elfriede: “Sie hat uns nicht gebeten, hierher zu kommen.”

Karen: “Ich hatte nur eine kleine Spende geplant, aber ich wollte dich schon immer treffen. Wie viel hat es gekostet, hierher zu fliegen?”

Otto: “Eintausendsiebenhundertfünfundsechzig“

Gary: “seventeen sixty-five.”

Karen: “Thanks.  Do you know the exchange rate for deutschmarks by chance?”

Gary: “It’s on the paper.  Here.”

[Gary shows Karen a newspaper and Karen pulls out a small calculator and then writes a check in deutchmarks.  Karen also writes Gary a check too.]

Karen: “Die Verwirrung tut mir leid. Dieser Scheck ist nicht viel, aber ich hätte nicht gedacht, dass Sie hier rausfliegen würden.”

Elfriede: “Es tut uns leid, dass wir nicht verstanden haben. Wir wollten Sie schon immer kennenlernen und Sie sind die nette Person, für die wir Sie gehalten haben. Anne wollte immer, dass Frauen unabhängig sind und Sie sind eine gute Frau.”

Karen: “Danke.  Auf wiedersehen.”

Otto and Elfriede: “Danke.  Auf wiedersehen.”

[Otto, Elfriede and Gary leave and Ace and Karen talk.]

Karen: “Thanks.  That was a close one.  That was almost an international incident.  It cost me a bit more than what I was figuring but I did get to meet Anne Frank’s dad too.  I hadn’t planned on that.”

Ace: “Yeah, inside every silver lining there’s a dark cloud.  How did you learn to speak german anyway?”

Karen: “My grand ma ma Rudolph on my mom's mom's side speaks dutch but I was a bit rusty.  I know he didn’t do much but I was glad Gary was here just in case.  You were right, that little book wasn’t any help really.”

Ace: “You learn something new every day.”

Karen: “Yup.  But I gave them a check in deutschmarks to help cover the plane trip and a little extra.”

Ace: “That reminds me of that comedian there, you know the joke, if you have a missing czechoslavakian and a male bear and a female bear, the check is in the mail.”

Karen: “Don’t remind me.  That’s all I need is another incident where someone can’t speak english.  Yakov Smimoff.”

Ace: “Yeah that’s the guy.”

Scene 70 – “Ev Wallace Visits”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Max Baer Jr., Ev Wallace

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom with Ev Wallace.  Ace is on one side of Karen’s desk and Karen and Ev are on the other side.]

Ev: “I’ve brought your fan mail for you and I’ve been going through the books but something went wrong.”

[Ev is very nervous.]

Karen: "Ev, this isn't like you, what's wrong?"

[Max pops his head in the door.]

Max: "I don't know why you keep her.  She's old and she's forgetful and. Sometimes you just need to cut your losses and get rid of the dead wood."

Karen: "Max, just go, I can handle this."

[Max leaves room.]

Ev: "I got a deal on belt buckles so I got a better quality belt buckle but it’s a little heavier and I didn’t figure on the extra postage.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I guess I just wasn’t thinking.  You're going to fire me aren't you?"

Ace: "Ev, that was Max, Max don't know what he's talking about.  How long have you been working for Karen?"

Ev: "About ten years I think, why?  What good is that going to do me now?  She's going to fire me and then what am I going to do?"

Ace: "That was Max that said that, not Karen and as you notice, Max isn't in the room anymore.  Karen never said she was going to fire you.  Sure, you made a mistake, but unlike most people, you have owned up to that mistake.  Most people would try to hide it and get away with something.  You're not trying to get away with anything because you were honest and you made a mistake and you admitted that.  You can't buy honesty and think about it, if Karen got rid of you she would have to try and train someone else and need to worry if they were going to be honest or not.  Karen already knows you're honest and you're already trained and you care about what you're doing or else you wouldn't worry like you do so much so why would Karen want to get rid of you and take a chance with someone else?"

[Ev looks sideways and talks to Karen.]

Ev: "Do you really mean it?"

Karen: "I couldn't have said it better myself.  Like he said.  I couldn't replace you.  We all make mistakes sometimes and you haven't really made too many over the years.  You are kind of making up for it with this one, but then too, I think you are long overdue because the odds of not making a mistake in a decade isn't even thinkable.  I can just write a check and you'll need to cash it when you get back and put it in there to cover the difference.  Don't let Richard know though.  You know how Richard can get about money.  I'm glad you came to me about this.  It'll be just our little secret, OK?"

Ev: "OK.  Thank you very much.  I don't know what I was thinking.  I should know better than that.  You and Richard have always been so good and kind to me.  I should know better.  You're good people."

Karen: "Us good people need to stick together."

[En leaves room and gives Karen a kiss on the cheek and a hug.]

Ev: “I love you.”

Karen: “Love you too Ev.  Remember, don’t let Richard know.”

Ev: “I won’t.  Thanks again.  I’ll see you next time.”

[Ev leaves room.]

Karen: "She’s such a sweetheart.  My mom was raised where love means making love and so my mom doesn’t say she loves me.  Ev doesn’t really understand that as Ev was raised differently.  But old people have their routines and are set in their ways as you probably know.  My mom cares about me and me and my mom are good friends but it’s just that love word because my mom always thinks of love as making love and caring is caring.  Richard said he loved me once in front of mom and I thought mom was going to bury Richard in an unmarked grave in the backyard.  Luckily it was a therapy session and it took me about an hour later on to try and explain that the therapist meant love as in caring and not about having sex.  It is kind of funny now, but my mom was serious and she had a shovel and a bucket and some plastic bags and was getting ready to go out and dig a hole in the backyard for Richard.  I don’t suggest talking with parents about sex.  They just don’t understand.  It’s that generation gap thing.”

Ace: “Yeah, my family’s like that too.  Born before that sixties summer of love thing there.  Love meant having sex and caring was caring about someone.  I kind of grew up with the we made one already and if you don’t toe the line we’ll just get rid of you and make another that will mind and behave.  You know.”

Karen: “Kind of.  My mom and dad aren’t like that but they were raised with love meaning sex and they are set in their ways just like the rest of us as we get older.  That generation gap thing.  You know.”

Ace: “Yup.”

Karen: “Thanks for that little speech you made just a little bit ago.  I know Max came over because he could smell blood and I know how you get too and then you actually surprised me.  I figured that you were going to be like Max, but instead of being a shark and going for blood, you were actually caring and compassionate.  And that is the thing, as you know, in the business world, if you're caring, they tend to rip you to shreds and call you weak if you care.  The sea of sharks.  People in the business world tend to be uncaring and the first sign of trouble, business people feed you to the sharks.  It's easy to get caught up in that mentality when you are around it all the time.  I noticed that you noticed too that I wasn't upset at her for making a mistake or the money or any of that.  I was upset because we didn't have any privacy to talk about it and I saw that you picked up on that after you started talking or else you wouldn't have said the things that needed to be said.  Ev is tone deaf if you didn't notice so she hears talking but she doesn’t know the difference between one voice or another which was why I got frustrated and raised my voice.  But people have feelings and there's more to life than money and I was so proud of you because you realized that money can't buy honesty.  After that speech you gave, I let Ev off the hook.  She's a good person and like I said, us good people need to stick together.  That's priceless and don't let her know, but she's still got a few more mistakes she's paid for in advance after this.  It was just an oversight.  Her heart’s in the right place like someone else I know.  She's such a sweetheart."

Scene 71 – “Wayne Newton Visits”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Wayne Newton

[Karen and Ace are talking and Wayne walks in.]

Wayne: “Hi, they told me I could find you here.”

Ace [waves]: “Hi”

Karen: “Hi, come on in.”

[Wayne comes in and kneels next to Karen.  Wayne has a small jewelry box in his hand that looks like a ring box.]

[As Wayne is talking, Karen’s eyes get brighter and brighter until after the one rule lines.  Ace is getting jealous sitting there until the one rule lines too.]

Wayne: “I can only stay a little while.  Vegas you know.  I’ve never seen you in this light before.  You’re so beautiful.  Your eyes.  Your lips.  Your everything.  You’re like the bright sun shining on a moonlit night.  You are like a princess, no like a queen basking in all your glorious wonderment.  I am like a king basking in your glory.  Say you’ll be mine and I can give you a castle, no a palace, castles are a little drafty, and all the servants till your heart’s content.  The fanciest cars, the best places, all of the best that life has to offer just say that you’ll be mine.”

[Wayne hands Karen the box and Karen opens it and it is a lock of Wayne’s hair.]

Karen: “This is just a lock of your hair.”

Wayne: “I just have one rule though.  No one touches my hair.”

[Karen starts weeping but not quite crying.]

Wayne: “It’s a joke.  I heard you like practical jokes.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.  Are you all right?”

Ace: “Yeah, she’s all right but you might want to duck from her right hook.  She fell for that one hook, line and sinker.  That was a good joke believe me.”

Karen: “You got me good, I’ll say that.  I fell for that one.  You know me though, I’ll get you back somehow but I’m just at a loss for words right now because I didn’t expect this.  I thought something was up because we don’t know each other that well but I did let my guard down and you got me.  That was a good one.”

Wayne: “Well I gotta go anyway.  Vegas you know.  Always another show.”

Karen: “Take care Wayne.  I’ll remember this.  Remember, I’m gonna get you back when you least expect it.”

Ace: “Nice meeting you.  That was a good one.”


[After Wayne leaves.  Ace and Karen sitting and talking.]

Ace: “That was a good one.  I even fell for it.  I’ve never been jealous but I could feel myself getting jealous over Wayne but then that punch line.  I could see by the look on your face that you wanted to take off your shoes and run barefoot through his hair after that one.  He did get you good though and I fell for it too.”

Karen: “I noticed you getting jealous too and you never get jealous.  I let my guard down and he got me.  I should have known better.  And actually I wanted to cut his hair off but it was a joke.  Wayne and I have met before but we don’t really know each other that well so I should have known it was a set up.  Like I said, I let my guard down and he got me.  Just so you know, I have a secret and most people know this.  But my secret is that I feel that the guy that gets me back for all the practical jokes I’ve pulled on others will be my true love.”

Ace: “I figured that.  Thanks for letting me know.”

Scene 72 – “Gene Simmons Visits”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Gene Simmons

[Karen and Gene are sitting in Karen’s classroom and Ace walks in.]

Karen: “Hi Ace, this is Mister Eugene Klein who teaches in New York City.”

Gene: “Hello.  I’m Mister Eugene Klein.”

Ace [kind of chuckles]: “That’s interesting.  Your voice.  I was expecting Jack or such.  The way Eugene came out it was just so smooth and unexpected.  Sorry about that.  It just struck me by surprise was all.  My name is actually Adrian and any name’s better than that.”

[Gene looks at Ace kind of angrily.]

Ace: “Hello, I’m Dr. Ace, proctologist, you’d be surprised the amount of money you can save by not wearing rubber gloves and who’s going to look back and check?  Shake?”

[Gene just gives Ace a ‘not funny’ look and then]

Gene: “Not funny Ace.”

Karen: “Eugene is here on a kind of teacher exchange program that we’re thinking of starting.  Eugene and I were just discussing how we want to do this.”

Gene: “I have some slides and I could talk about the Holocaust if you like.  I was one of the survivors.”

Karen: “We could do that or you could just sit and watch me and give me pointers if you like.  I’ll leave that up to you.”

Gene: “I’ll leave that up to you but I do have a presentation we could use.”

Ace [chuckling again]: “Sorry, that voice of yours.  It’s just awesome.”

[Gene has the ‘not funny look still.]

Gene: “I’m a demon.  And demon’s don’t laugh.”

Ace: “That’s cool.  Do you know this one?  Why does a woman have two holes close together?”

Gene: “Why does a woman have two holes close together?”

[Gene opens his left hand in an ‘I don’t know’ way.]

Ace: “Give up?  So when she gets drunk you can carry her home like a six pack.”

[Gene lets out a belly laugh and slides down in his chair almost falling out of the chair then he calmly sits back up and…]

Gene: “Gas.  Now that was funny.”

February 1979

Scene 73 – “Being Spoiled Talk”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting and talking in classroom.]

Ace:  “I got grounded for a week but it only ended up being three or four days for not doing my social studies homework.”

Karen:  “Sounds like you got let off the hook pretty easily.”

Ace:  “Not really.  They took away my record player and TV and such but they gave them back about three days later.  I don’t want to end up spoiled like my sister so I didn’t use them for over a week.”

Karen:  “Sounds like you took it to heart then.  Did you learn anything this time?”

Ace: "A spoiled person becomes sour when they do not get what they want.  Spoiled brats throw fits when they do not get what they want.  A fit or tantrum is a burst of anger from someone to try and get what they want by being obnoxious until they get what they want.  A very bad habit to develop. Spoiled people do not seem to appreciate what they have and always seem to want more.  And more never seems to be enough.  Myself, personally, not the way I want to go through life.  Throwing a fit every time I did not get what I wanted or 'my way'.  Many times I feel it is better to go without.  You would be surprised what a little imagination could do.  Intangibles versus tangibles.  Intangibles won.  Stuff is just stuff.  Thoughts are thoughts.  Take away everything tangible, but the intangibles still remain. You can't have it all. Where would you put it?  Have patience as if you don’t have patience you are becoming spoiled.  Not for me. We all have our own choices to make, just as others have their choices too.  Spoiled or not spoiled.  Choices remain."

Karen: "as far as content, that was definitely an A plus, but as far as presentation, I would have given it a B plus or a B.  You talked about all of these great ideas and such, but you really didn't seem to have any emotion or feeling when you talked about them.  Your talk was almost like primal therapy without anything therapeutic in it.  Still a great talk and maybe I can work some of that stuff into my class discussions, but it seemed like you were on the verge of a major life changing breakthrough and then you just kind of fell flat at the end."

Ace: “As always you’re right.  I didn’t mention that emotions are intangibles too and that’s where it fell flat I feel.”

Karen: "If only you were a little older because I don't want to go through that growing up stuff all over again."

Ace: “Me too.”

Scene 74 – “Talking Bad of Others”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting and talking in classroom.]

Ace: "Did you ever notice that when someone is trying to use someone that they start talking bad about everyone else but themselves?"

Karen: "I haven't really thought about it that way, but maybe you're on to something there.  Go ahead.  Shoot.  Sounds interesting.  I'm all ears."

Ace: "I've kind of noticed that those that talk bad of others hang around together and don't really talk much to others.  Cliques as you called it before I think.  Anyway, I've kind of noticed that some people try to isolate people from others by talking bad about others.  That's kind of why if you notice, I don't really feel too comfortable around people that talk bad of others.  I've noticed too that you are kind of the same way and that you're not too comfortable around those that talk bad about others either.  And anyway, I just kind of realized why I don't feel comfortable around those kinds of people.  I mean a little talk here and there because no one's perfect, but there are some that get down right mean about it.  Those kind of people."

Karen: "I know I can get jealous at times, is that what you are trying to talk about?"

Ace: "Nope.  I hadn't even thought of that.  That's kind of different and I understand on that.  Really, most guys are turned off by tomboys and such, not me.  You know me.  I like..."

Karen and Ace [together]: “Tomboys and mud pies.”

Ace: "I think our parents kind of trained us to beware of those kinds of people because probably they went through it themselves.  They were probably taught by their parents and maybe even personal experience; you know how it goes.  I think it's good advice.  You know, someone keeps saying how great they are and then leaves you flat for someone else that they think is better.  They use you until something they feel is better comes along.  But I think in order to use someone, you have to make it so they don't talk to anyone else, so that's where I think they learn the bad mouthing from.  That's why I think our parents taught us to beware of others that talk bad about others.  You know, if you don't have nothing nice to say then it is better to say nothing at all.  That kind of stuff.  I mean everyone can have problems, but there are some that just seem to constantly bad mouth others, you know what I mean?"

Karen: "This is interesting.  Yeah, I know what you mean.  Like you, if you've noticed, I kind of avoid those types of people too.  That's kind of why I've had you stay up here with me during lunch so that Max kind of leaves me alone.  And that was actually my kind of turn off with Max.  He has that goofy voice which was all right, you can get used to it, but a lot of times I just kind of started feeling lonely around him but I just couldn't figure out why.  But feeling lonely is never any fun especially when you're with someone."

Ace: "I know what you mean and I agree.  I don't feel lonely around you but also, we don't really talk bad about others too.  I think that kind of helps.  I mean you can be by yourself and not feel lonely but when you get those feelings around someone else it usually means trouble down the road somewhere.  I've kind of noticed that those that bad mouth others are usually very controlling people and I've noticed that you and your brother tend to work together on things so I think you're used to working together with someone and not used to being controlled if that makes any sense."

Karen: "That makes sense, I mean me and my brother never dated or whatever, but I'm just so used to working with my brother that it feels awkward around others.  It's weird too because for some reason I've never felt awkward around you either.  But the other weird part is that me and my brother are kind of opposites, but you and me are almost exactly alike.  I haven't been able to figure that part out yet."

Ace: "Me neither.  Me and my sister aren't really alike either, but my sister can get kind of stubborn and head strong at times so we don't really work together too well most of the time.  I try sometimes, but just the way it is I guess."

[Slight pause.]

Karen and Ace [together]: "I can't figure it out either.  Everyone's different I guess."

Scene 75 – “Mott the Hoople Interview Talk”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom.]

Karen: “That talk we had the other day reminded me of the time when me and my brother made the decision to not say anything negative in public.”

Ace: “Sounds interesting.  Shoot.  I’m all ears like you.”

Karen: “Richard and I had just started touring Europe and we did an interview for a guy and the guy told us that the cameras were off but they weren’t.”

Ace: “I can see how this is going to go.  Go ahead.”

Karen: “Yeah, anyway, so we were talking and then the guy said the cameras were off when they weren’t.  The guy started asking us about music and such and so Richard and I just answered figuring it was off the record and just talk.  Needless to say the cameras weren’t off and the guy used that stuff that was off the record in an article.  During the interview the group Mott the Hoople came up and Richard and I both commented on the fact that we were a melodic group and that that kind of music just wasn’t our style.  We also said that that kind of music was good for Mott the Hoople and such but not really for us.  Of course the interview got chopped up and things taken out of context and a big story which led to Mott the Hoople’s manager calling up our manager and just a big mess.  After that, Richard and I both agreed not to say anything negative that could be taken the wrong way by others or used inappropriately.”

Ace: “Sounds like a good lesson to learn.  You never know when someone is going to pull something sneaky and underhanded.  Best to keep your guard up.  But then too, nothing negative leads to that squeaky clean stuff.  I guess it can’t be helped though.  Your nature is to be a decent person and decent people don’t talk bad of others.  Too bad the tabloids and such don’t understand that.  It would be a much better world.”

Karen: “I’ve thought about that too.  It’s not really the tabloids’ faults that people are that gullible.  It’s the tabloids’ faults for writing that stuff but they wouldn’t write it if people didn’t buy it.  And thanks, it really isn’t me to talk bad of others.  Bad things happen sometimes to good people so just because something bad happens doesn’t make a person bad.  There are bad people but a little consideration can go a long ways.  Just because others behave badly doesn’t mean you have to be that way too.  You don’t know someone until you walk in their shoes.  Judge not others lest you be judged.”

Ace: “Yeah, something like that.  You’re getting smarter already.  Have you ever thought of becoming a school teacher?”

Karen: “Smart aleck.”

Ace: “That’s my name.  Don’t wear it out.  Nevermind, you’re allowed.  You know me too well.  I’m made of glue and you’re made of rubber, whatever I say bounces off you and sticks on me.  I just can’t win with you can I?”

Karen: “Nope.”

Scene 76 – “Valentine’s Day 1979”

Background: Cortright’s Florist, Corning, NY 14830 then Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen sitting at desk.  Ace walks in classroom.]

Karen: “I know Valentine’s Day is coming up and just so you know.  No chocolates.”

[Later that day.  Ace walks into flower shop.  Ace looks over at roses and there is one single long-stemmed red rose there on display with a large jar full of yellow roses.]

Ace: “How much for the one red rose?”

Florist: "Everyone has been calling and coming in to get a dozen roses, and as you can see, I only have the one red rose left.  You have been the only one looking for just one red rose.  That I have.  Three dollars plus tax."

[Ace buys rose and walks out.]

[Valentine’s Day 1979.  Karen sitting in classroom and Ace walks in with a long scarf box and hands the box to Karen.]

Ace: "If the size or color isn't right, you can take it back"

[Karen looks confused and then opens the long scarf box with the long-stemmed red rose inside.]

Karen [starts crying]: "Thank you.  This is what I wanted from you."

[Karen gets a vase and snips the root end has the flower in the vase.  Karen brings in waxed paper into class.]

Karen: “I brought the waxed paper from home.  I am going to press this and add it to my scrapbook.  You can help if you want.”

Ace: “OK”

[Karen puts the waxed paper on her desk and puts the rose in the waxed paper and folds the paper over with the rose in between.  Karen then puts the rose on the TV cart in the room.  Ace grabs a stack of thick books and puts the books on top of the rose in the waxed paper.]

March 1979

Scene 77 – “Teaching Pranks”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace and Karen sitting and talking in classroom.]

Ace: “I learned a new prank.  Here I’ll show you.  Do you have a funnel?  Nevermind, I’ll just roll up a sheet of paper like this.”

[Ace rolls up a sheet of paper into a cone.]

Ace: “You take the funnel here and you stick it in the top of your pants or skirt or whatever like so.  Then you take a quarter and you place it on your forehead like this.”

[Ace leans his head back and puts a quarter on the middle of his forehead with his head leaning back.]

Ace: “Then you say I bet you can’t do this.  And then the quarter goes down in the funnel like this.”

[Ace straightens his head up and the quarter falls off his forehead into the paper funnel.]

Karen: “That’s kind of neat.”

Ace: “Here’s the fun part.  You get a glass of water preferably with ice cubes but since we don’t have ice cubes up here.  Anyway, you’ll get the idea.  Next, you hand the funnel over to the other person and have them put it in their pants or whatever.  Now, you hand them the quarter but since I’m teaching you this trick I’ll keep the quarter and this is the fun part.”

[Ace tilts head back and puts quarter on the center of his head again.]

Ace: “You see that glass of water over there?”

Karen: “Yes.”

Ace: “Well what are you waiting for, pour it in.”

[Karen takes glass of water and pours it into the funnel in Ace’s pants.]

Ace: “You got it.  You can also bet someone they can’t do it if you need.  But remember, it’s not that a guy pees his pants but how far down the leg before the pee shows up that’s important.  It dries in about a half hour."

Scene 78 – “The Big Prank”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Max Baer Jr., Tom Cook, Olivia Newton-John, Dionne Warwick

[Ace and Karen sitting and talking in classroom.  Ace is flipping a nickel on Karen’s desk and Ace going heads or tails.  While playing Ace had secretly taken a pencil and colored around the edge of a different nickel without Karen seeing.]

Ace: “Heads or tails?”

Karen: “Heads.  I always pick heads.”

[Ace flips coin and it lands on desk.]

Ace: “five out of seven.  You’re winning.  One more.”

Karen: “OK, heads again.”

[Ace flips coin and it lands on desk next to a book Karen has on her desk and the coin stays vertical on its edge and does not land heads or tails.  Ace grabs coin.]

Ace: “I guess that one’s a tie.  I got an idea.  I bet you this nickel that you can’t take this nickel and run it down the middle of your face like this.”

[Ace takes the nickel he has been flipping and runs it from the top of his forehead down just under his chin.]

Karen: “That doesn’t look too hard but I’ll give it a shot.”

[Ace has the flipping nickel in his left hand and makes it look like he is passing the nickel from his left hand to his right hand and the colored nickel is in Ace’s right hand which Ace hands to Karen.  Karen takes the nickel and starts running it down the middle of her face.]

Karen: “Like this?”

Ace: “Yeah, like that.  Keep it going.”

Karen: “Down under my chin like this?”

Ace: “Yup, that’s it.”

Karen: “That’s kind of neat.  You almost have to look cross-eyed to do this.  Here’s your nickel back.  I don’t want it.”

Ace: “No, you keep the nickel.  I’ll be back later.”

[Karen has a big dark line down the middle of her face from the pencil mark and doesn’t notice it.  Ace leaves the room and then comes back to the classroom before going to sixth period math class.  When Ace returns, Karen has two guests with her, Olivia Newton-John and Dionne Warwick.  Karen, Olivia and Dionne are all talking and laughing and Karen doesn’t know about the mark down the middle of her face but Olivia and Dionne see it.  Ace enters classroom.]

Ace: “Hello again.  Just checking.  Is everything all right?”

Karen: “Things are going great.  I’d like you to meet a couple of my friends from out of town.  This is Gertrude and this is Loretta.”

Ace: “Not sure which is which but hello.”

Dionne: “I’m Loretta.  That’s Gertrude.”

Ace: “Hi Loretta and Trudy.  What’s up?”

Karen: “Why don’t you stuck around.  You’ve got math class.  I’ll just call Steve up and let him know you’re over here with me.”

[Karen picks up phone off the wall.]

Karen: “Hello, could you connect me with room 806 please?  Thank you.  Hello Steve, yeah, I have Ace over here and he’s helping me out so I just thought I would let you know.  OK, thanks.”

[Karen hangs up phone.]

Karen: “You’re good.  Have a seat.  We’re all catching up on the latest gossip.”

Olivia:  “I’m not much for gossip though.”

Ace:  “I can tell.”

Dionne: “Come on over here.  I don’t bite.”

[Ace sits down next to Dionne.]

Dionne [whisper]: "Did you do that to her face?"

Ace [whisper]: "Shhh, yeah, I did.  It's only pencil so it will wipe off."

Dionne [whisper]: "I know she likes to play practical jokes on people and this is priceless.  This is just too funny.  She is in rare form today.  I am so enjoying this.  I'm not going to tell.  Don't tell her now because I'm enjoying this, but you definitely need to tell her later before she finds out from someone else."

Karen:  “We’ve been talking about secrets.  Trudy and I have a secret we share together.  A little while ago, Trudy had a big well-known actor that was trying to get Trudy but didn’t.  I couldn’t get it at first and then Trudy mentioned Susan George and I guessed it.  Do you know who it is?”

[Ace looks at Karen and sees her thoughts but doesn’t say anything.]

Ace: “Nope, and I wouldn’t have the first clue.  I don’t really keep up on that gossip mag stuff.”

Karen:  “So anyway, Trudy also has a problem and you know me and my problems.  Trudy has a guy she met and another one she’s trying to get rid of.  What’s the best way to get rid of a guy?"

Ace:  “Ask him to marry you.  He’ll get cold feet and run off.  You know guys.”

Karen:  “Yeah I know guys.  That won’t work.  You know that.”

Ace:  “You’re right as always.  It definitely wouldn’t scare me off.  Bad advice I guess.  Honesty is usually the best policy.  Just say you met someone else.”

Karen:  “Not sneaky enough.  You know girls have to be sneaky.  We’ll think of something.  I should have known better.  Guys are useless on this kind of thing.”

Ace:  “Ain’t that the truth.”

Karen:  “Trudy has a boyfriend named Lee but she is falling head over heels for this guy named Matt.”

Ace:  “Oh you mean welcome Matt, door Matt, floor Matt.  That Matt?”

[Olivia’s face turns beet red.]

Karen:  “This is serious.  You’re no help as usual.  Guys.  But Trudy and Matt have kind of the same problem as you and me.”

Ace:  “Oh, that’s different.  I know about that stuff.  If true love is really there it will only grow with time.  Best to wait and not take a chance of destroying yourself over some guy.  If love is really there it will be worth the wait and that love will grow and if not, you’ll find out before you possibly get in a lot of trouble in more ways than one.”

Karen:  “I guess we can keep you around then.  That was about what I was going to say.  Trudy cracked her bum recently and has to sit on a special pillow.”

Ace:  “I can see why you’re laughing.  Congratulations on finally cracking your bum like everyone else Trudy.  Do you know why your bum is cracked vertical instead of horizontal?  [slight pause]  So that when you slide down the banister you don’t go blblblblbl [take index finger and say the letter B while moving the index finger up and down across the lips.]”

Karen:  “Yeah, we’ve been doing a lot of bum jokes if you can’t tell.”

Dionne [to Ace]:  “Glad you’re here.  Those two need to talk about stuff and I almost feel like a third wheel here.  You know how it goes.”

Ace:  “Yup, I understand.  I talk with Karen all the time anyway.  It’s good to have a break once in a while I guess.  I know she thinks highly of you but you know how she is when talking about problems.  She gets sidetracked easily.”

Dionne:  “That she does.”

[Ace tries to reach passed Dionne to ask Olivia to be quiet but bumps Dionne in the back.]

Dionne: "Hey, watch it.  What are you doing?"

Ace: "I was going to ask Trudy not to tell Wendy about the mark on her face."

Dionne: "Don't worry, I'll make sure she doesn't tell her."

Dionne: "Of all the times I have been around guys, all of the guys have always made a bee line for Trudy, but I noticed that you aren't interested in Trudy but you sure have eyes for Wendy.  You really like Wendy, don't you?"

Ace: "I like tomboys and mud pies and I'm not much for girly girls.  Trudy seems to be nice and all, but Trudy's not my type.  Wendy's just my type.  Wendy knows she's my type too."

Dionne: "I think we're using the wrong bait to catch you.  I think we ought to move Wendy in the middle to catch you.  This is getting confusing, you know who we are, right?"

Ace: "Yeah, I know you're Dionne Warwick and that's Olivia Newton - John and Karen Carpenter is my teacher.  I think I'm still Ace but I'll have to ask Karen about that."

[Ace and Dionne chuckle a little and Karen and Olivia kind of look over at Ace and Dionne.]

Dionne: "You're funny like someone else I know and I can see a definite attraction between you two.  I know those puppy dog eyes and I feel like I need to give you some advice now.  If you love her, tell her how you feel.  I know you're a guy and girls like hearing that kind of stuff from guys.  Make sure she knows.  Tell her every chance you get."

Ace: “I got to be careful though.  If I told her how I really felt about her it would probably make a sailor and a porn star blush.”

[Ace and Dionne laugh together.  Karen and Olivia look over again.  The period ends and Ace has class across the hall with Max for seventh period science class.]

Ace:  “Nice meeting you two.  I gotta go across the hall for a little while and I know you’ll probably need to leave before last period.  Wish I could stay longer but I’m not doing so well in science class like I am in math class.”

Olivia and Dionne:  “See you.”

[Ace gets up and goes over by Karen’s desk.]

Karen [quietly]: "This has been a really great day.  Everybody has been laughing and joking and having a great time.  I'm not sure what it is, but everybody has been happy around me today for some reason after lunch ended."

Ace: [quietly] "I think you're being happy is contagious.  Keep it up.  I'll see you later." [Talking voice] “Nice meeting you two.  Gotta get going though.  I’m not doing as well in science class.”

[Ace leaves room and goes to science class across the hall.  During science class a fight almost breaks out between Karen and Dionne across the hall and yelling can be heard for a short bit.]

Karen:  “What did you two laugh about?”

Dionne:  “We just talked about you was all.  Come on bring it on.  I didn’t do anything.”

[Kids in science class across hall with Ace.]

Kids:  “Cat fight.”

[Dionne leaves classroom and goes down the hall.  Olivia goes across hall and gets Ace out of Max’s class.]

Olivia [to Max]:  “I need to borrow him for a minute.”

Max:  “Sure.  Go ahead.”

A couple kids in classroom:  “Olivia.”

Ace:  “That’s not Olivia.  That’s Miss Bihuniak’s friend Trudy that came in to visit for a little bit.  She does look like her though but it’s not.”

Olivia [to Ace]:  “Yeah, she got jealous.”

Ace:  “Let’s go.”

[Olivia and Ace walk across hall and Karen has her hands on the corners of her desk.]

Olivia:  “Try not to get too close but she needs to talk to you.”

Ace:  “I’ll be fine but thanks.”

Karen: “Don’t touch me.  Don’t come near me.  I’ll be fine but before I kill you I need to hear from you what you and Dionne talked about.”

Ace: “The first laugh was from when we talked about the names and I told Dionne that I would have to ask you if my name was still Ace.  The second kind of laugh was when I mentioned tomboys and mud pies.  The third laugh was when I told Dionne that if you and I shared our feelings about each other that we would probably make a sailor and a porn star blush.  We talked about you was all.”

Karen: “Thanks.  That’s about what Dionne said was that you two were talking about me.  I can see your thoughts and I know what you told me is the truth.  I’ll be all right in a little bit but I got jealous and I had these thoughts in my head that just didn’t seem right.  Luckily it popped into my head that Dionne had told me that she only liked dark meat so my jealousy didn’t make sense.  But I did get jealous and I was ready to kill someone just a little bit ago as you noticed.”

Ace:  “Everyone kinda noticed.”

Karen: “You know I was ready to kill you just now but I also know that you weren’t scared.”

Ace: “I know you were ready to kill someone but as you know I can’t hurt you.  If you were gonna kill me, you were gonna kill me, but like always, if I can make you feel better somehow, I’m gonna try and make you feel better even if you need to kill me to feel better.  The truth.”

[Ace walks back across the hall and Olivia and Karen talk calmly for a short bit then Olivia leaves.  Class ends and Ace walks across hall to talk with Karen.  A girl, Vicky, is standing there first before Ace gets there.  Ace is just behind Vicky.]

Vicky: "How are you feeling Miss Bihuniak?"

Karen: "I'm having a great day.  Everybody has been so happy.  Why do you ask?"

Vicky: "Miss Bihuniak, do you have a compact?"

Karen:  “Yes.”

Vicky: "I think you ought to look at your face in the mirror.  You'll see."

[Karen pulls out her compact and opens it up and has an angry look on her face.  Karen looks right at Ace.]

Karen: "I thought you were up to something.  So this is what you were up to?"

Ace [low voice]: "Yup, honestly I was just going to tell you about it but she beat me to it."

[Karen goes out into the hallway and breaks down out in the hallway before getting to the bathroom.  Karen is laughing and crying alternately while sitting against the wall with her knees up.  Ace kind of pokes his head out the door but does not go outside door.]

Karen: "Thank you.  I knew he was the one and I asked you for a sign and I always knew it was going to be the one that got me back for all the pranks I've pulled on others.  Just look at my face.  [Karen giggles] He got me good and I love him so much.  I just love him so much.  [And Karen has her knees up and her arms wrapped around her knees and her head buried in her arms] I've waited so long for this to happen and thank you.  Look at me.  I'm so happy that I'm crying.  I just can't help it because I've been through so much and I love him so much.  Thank you for bringing him into my life."

[The history teacher, Tom Cook comes down the hall and tries to help Karen up.  Tom is looking off to the side so that Karen doesn’t see him laughing while trying to help Karen up to get Karen into the bathroom.]

Tom [to Ace]: “Now see what you’ve done?”

[Karen gets up and goes into the bathroom and cleans her face up.  No mark left but Karen’s eyes are a little red from crying.]

[After school ends Karen and Ace talk alone in classroom.]

Karen: "Did you hear what I said in the hallway?"

Ace: "You know I can't lie to you and yes, I heard every word you said."

Karen: "Well, now that you know my secret what do you have to say for yourself?"

Ace: "You know I love you too but I never prayed for you, you just happened.  And as you can tell by the big smile on my face, I am very glad that you've happened.  I do pray though just not very often.  I remember the one time I prayed that if He really existed that a ten dollar bill would fall out of the sky.  Of course it didn't happen but then a week later my mom told me that she had a ten dollar bill just fall out of the sky and land in front of her about a week before, so she picked it up.  I didn't really need the money or such; I was just curious, but you know how my luck goes."

Karen: "You should know by now that He has a good sense of humor.  Just look in the mirror.  We're all funny looking in our own ways.  I know you really do love me but you could really hurt someone's feelings doing something like that.  What if I had to be at an important meeting at the last minute or whatever.  Luckily I didn't.  You got me good.  I'll admit that.  I should be furious about this right now, but I did ask for it in a way as you heard out there in the hallway.  This one is going to be tough to beat.  I'll think of something though.  You know me.  I am not a spoiled sport, but I can never admit defeat."

[Karen pauses and stares at Ace with a kind of smile on her face but trying to appear upset.]

Karen: "Rest assured that I am going to teach you a lesson that you'll never forget and I'm going to get even with you if it's the last thing I do."

Scene 79 – “Kristi Lynn”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting around before homeroom starts.  Karen has her teacher’s pen and a green steno pad.]

Ace:  “What are you doing this time?”

Karen:  “I’m thinking of baby names.  You know me and my three signs.  The three things is that it has to do with something I like, family, or family names.”

Ace:  “That sounds interesting.  Want some help?”

Karen:  “Sure, what’s your sister’s name?”

Ace:  “Robin Lynn.  R-O-B-I-N L-Y-N-N”

Karen:  “That’s kind of ominous.  My brother’s name is Richard Lynn.”

Ace:  “Hey, they both start with R.  Uh oh, I figured it out already.  Yeah, Adrian Clair the fourth for a boy but what if a girl?”

Karen:  “You got it.”

Ace:  “I got it.  Karen Anne Carpenter Junior.  We both know she’s going to be a tomboy like her mom and she’ll love it.”

Karen:  “I’m not calling my daughter Junior!  No.  It might give her a complex.  I’m not doing that to my daughter.  Junior is out.”

Ace:  “It’s kind of ominous too that their first names both begin with R.  Roberta Lynn?”

Karen:  “Hey, that’s not bad but it has to have three things.  One, it starts with R.  Hey, the 4 B’s that I like, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, The Bee Gees and Burt Bacharach,  So starts with R and Burt Bacharach.  We need a third.”

Ace:  “I’m the third.  Um, I can’t think of one.  Shoot, we were so close on the second try.  Are you sure you don’t want Junior?  Nevermind, you made that clear before, no Junior.”

Karen:  “Something else that begins with R.”

Ace:  “Rachel Lynn?  Rachel was one of your past lives, remember?”

Karen:  “But yeah, it’s the same boat as Roberta.  Two things but we need three.  Keep thinking.”

Ace:  “Rhonda Lynn?  Rikki Lynn?  Rita Lynn?  Racquel Lynn?”

Karen:  “Still the same boat.  Only two things at most so far.  No third besides you anyway and NO JUNIOR!”

Ace:  “We’ll keep working on it.”

[During the day Ace would pass by Karen’s room between classes and stick his head inside the door and say…]

Ace:  “Junior, Junior, Junior.”

[Karen would kind of smile and look down at her steno pad.  By lunch time Karen had four sheets on her steno pad.  At lunch time.]

Ace:  “Not yet?”

Karen:  “Not yet.  Nothing close really.  It’s always just one or two things but no more.  Kind of frustrating.”

Ace:  “What about your mom’s name?”

Karen:  “I love my mom but Agnes just sounds too old like Edna.  Yeah, I tried all those past life names too and nothing sounds right.  This is a real stumper.  What’s your mom’s name?”

Ace:  “Lee Ellen.”

Karen:  “Leigh?”

Ace:  “That’s right the boy’s spelling, Lee, but still.”

Karen:  “Yup.  One or two things but nothing more.”

Ace:  “My name doesn’t sound good as a guy’s name but Adrienne or Claire with the e or Clara just doesn’t sound good for a girl or a guy either.”

Karen:  “I thought of Stella because of the Streetcar Named Desire movie and play but that is about the same as Scarlet from my favorite movie Gone With The Wind.  Only two things.  Roberta is probably still the closest.  Everyone else has been chipping in too as you can see.  Four pages and still nothing yet.  I tried Olivia and Dionne.  Still the same.”

Ace:  “What about Mary?”

Karen:  “Mary and Elizabeth and Beth are common.  I want something a bit different and distinctive.  You know how I like being different.”

Ace:  “Well, I’m about out of ideas too but something will pop up.  You know us, when all seems lost, something happens and it works out.”

[Lunch time ends then english class and Karen is up to six pages and still nothing and Karen is looking very tired and frustrated.  Ending homeroom after others left.]

Karen:  “What’s your mom’s name again?”

Ace:  “Lee Ellen L-E-E E-L-L-E-N.”

Karen:  “Lee, wait a minute, I like Christie Lee Brinkley.  That’s two.  And Kristy Ann McNichol, her middle name doesn’t have the e at the end but she worked on both our Christmas specials.  Lee and Ann are signs.  Christie or Kristy but we still need one more.  Come on.”

Ace:  “What about Kris Kringle.  You love Christmas. Christie or Kristy sounds good.”

Karen:  “Yeah, Christmas and Kris Kringle and Kris boy and Kristi girl.  Misses Clause’s name maybe?  I don’t know.  So the K not CH.  I also think it should end with I to make it more distinctive.”

Ace:  “I think we went overboard with that.  It also has tea in it too.  You like tea.”

Karen:  “I hadn’t thought of that.  I’m a Christian too.  Kristi Lynn it is.”

Ace:  “We have a winner.  Kristi Lynn it is then.  Are you sure you don’t want Junior?”

Karen [smiles]:  “I’m sure.  Oh that’s right, the school gave me this flashlight and said we need to check each other for possible ear mites.  All you have to do is just look in my ears and see if you see any bugs and then sign this card.  I’ll do the same for you too.”

Ace:  “OK.  Hold your head up and I’ll look.”

[Ace shines flashlight on blackboard.]

Ace:  “Uh oh, I don’t see anything in there.  There’s no bugs but the light is just shining through to the other side, see on the blackboard?”

Karen:  “Funny.  It ain’t the first time someone’s called me an air head.  Try again.  This is serious.  We gotta do this.”

Ace:  “OK, nope, it’s not shining out to the other side and no bugs or spider webs.  You’re clean.  Where do I sign?”

Karen:  “Right here.  My turn.  Keep your head straight.  Cool, it looks like a little Nativity scene in there.  Nope, no bugs.”

Ace:  “Well, another day gone again.  Like always, it seems like every time we’re ready to give up something happens and it works out.”

Karen:  “I’ve never been a quitter and I’m getting too old to start now.”

Ace:  “Start quitting.  That’s kind of funny.  Where do you come up with this stuff?”

Karen:  “I manage.  Someone’s gotta do it.  Might as well be me.”

Ace:  “So that’s why no one else in your family but you blows hot air.  You took it all.”

Karen:  “Yup.  That’s me all right.  Miss Modesty.”

Ace:  “Speaking of which, [singing] Here she is Miss America.”

Karen:  “What the Universe isn’t big enough?”

Ace:  “They don’t have a catchy tune for that one.  Did you ever notice that all the winners for Miss Universe come from Earth?  I think that contest’s rigged.”

Karen:  “I think you might be right on that one.”

Ace:  “I could see you on the talent part of that show.  Psst, hey judge, for a quarter I’ll show you my bloomers.”

Karen:  “A quarter?”

Ace:  “That’s right, inflation.  Five bucks.  I forgot quarters aren’t made of silver anymore like they were back in the sixties.”

Karen:  “Richard and I played the White House before…”

[scene ends.]

Scene 80 – “Silly String.  The End of An Era In Prankdom”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace and Karen sitting and talking in classroom.  Ace leaves classroom and goes to his locker.  Ace’s locker is covered in silly string.  Ace laughs then gets his books from locker and goes back to classroom.]

Karen [in classroom]: “What’s up?”

Ace: “I knew you were up to something.  That was funny.  I know the get even with me was you not doing anything for a week.  The problem is that the kids are starting to think of us as boyfriend and girlfriend so we’re going to have to stop pranking each other.  I’d rather quit while you’re ahead if you know what I mean.”

Karen: “Yeah, I had been noticing that too and I think you’re right.  We probably should stop pranking each other before I get accused of more than what I’ve already been accused of.  You know me and my accusations.”

Ace: “Yeah, I know.  No one’s gonna accuse you of something unless it’s true.  I wish it could be true and I’m sure you do too, but the rumor mill has been getting out of hand lately so unfortunately it’s gotta end sometime.  And the winner is…”

Karen: “It’s not fair, but I’ll take it.  I’m just hoping the silly string doesn’t melt the paint on the locker.”

Ace: “It’ll be fine but sad to see it end this way.  Alas poor Yorrick and all that.  It was a lot of fun while it lasted but that rumor mill has been getting really bad lately.”

Karen: “Yeah, I know.  I keep forgetting about your age because you don’t act your age.  I was kind of hoping the rumors would be true so I see your point now.  You really can’t hurt me because as we both know, I’d get in a lot of trouble if I did what we’re thinking.”

Ace: “You said it.  A lot of wishful thinking on my part too as I was hoping the rumors could be true but the rumors only seem to lead to trouble for you and I couldn’t handle you getting into trouble because of me.  Just ain’t happening.  I know ain’t ain’t in the dictionary yet, but it works.  You know me; I try to act my shoe size which is a seven and a half now but I forget sometimes.”

Karen: “Me too.  I was hoping the rumors could be true too but I see your point there.  You actually do care about me.  I’d rather act my shoe size than my age any day.  It’s more fun that way.”

Scene 81 – “Mary Martin Visits”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Mary Martin

[Ace and Karen are talking in classroom and Mary walks in in her leotard for Peter Pan.]

Mary: “Hello.  There you are.  I have a short break and I figured I would stop by.”

Karen and Ace: “Come on in.”

Mary: “Tell you what.  Since we got time I’ll give you each a chance to ask me one question.”

Karen and Ace: “Thanks.”

Karen: “You first.”

Ace: “OK, does it ever feel uncomfortable wearing a leotard on stage?”

Mary: "Good question.  I haven't really thought about that much.  A little bit as sometimes a guy's leotard can be a bit more revealing than I might like.  I actually prefer wearing a leotard as they are made for dancing and other costumes can be a bit bulky and difficult to work with at times.  Long dresses are probably the most difficult to work with because your feet can easily get caught in the dress and over you go into the orchestra pit."

Karen: “Have you ever been afraid of heights?”

Mary: “Another good question.”

[Karen sticks her tongue out at Ace.]

Mary: "You learn that your best friends are the stage hands as they are the ones that work the ropes and the pullies and the wires.  If anything goes wrong with the pullies or the wires, the stage hands become your best friends because they are the ones that can help you out the most if something goes wrong.  I have had a couple mishaps over the years and I've learned to trust the stage hands to help get me through.  We have to work together because if I am up there and I move right and they pull me left it can get a little awkward sometimes if you aren't working together.  I've had a few falls so I'm not afraid of heights and I don't think I ever was really.  But I've learned to always develop a trust with the stage hands whenever I'm doing a show."


[Another scene]

Ace: "Look Wendy, I can fly.  Well, almost anyway.  Maybe if I get out on a ledge like that guy on the 6 o'clock news did."

Scene 82 – “Tattoo Talk”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace talking in classroom.]

Karen:  “I don’t like needles.  One of my friends knew that I didn’t like needles and dared me to get a tattoo.  You know me and my dares.  No one is going to call me chicken.”

Ace:  “So you got a tattoo.”

Karen:  “I did but I got it in a well hidden area.  I got a tattoo of a red rose and it is down below my hairline so no one will see it.  As I’ve told you I believe in what is God given and a tattoo is not God given.  But my friend took me to the tattoo parlor and paid for it.  I did it but I did compromise my principles and it is probably my biggest regret in life.  I don’t recommend getting a tattoo and I also do not recommend going against your principles.  Always stick to your principles.”

Ace:  “That’s kind of a no brainer.  Your principles are who you are and when you compromise those you become someone else if even just for a little while.  I like being me too much I guess.”

Karen:  “That’s one of the things I like about you.  I’ve noticed you don’t give in too much to peer pressure and trying to fit in and that kind of stuff.  But I gave into peer pressure and I got a tattoo and I’ve regretted it since so promise me you won’t ever get a tattoo.”

Ace:  “I promise.  Needles don’t really bother me anyway, but I see your point because no matter how great you may think the tattoo is at first, whatever the tattoo is, you’re stuck with it.  And yeah, really if God had wanted us to have tattoos he would have invented birthmarks or something like that.  I don’t have a birthmark as far as I know.  Knowing me I was probably hatched anyway.”

Karen:  “Good point.  But I was dared and no one was going to call me chicken.  I still don’t like needles.  If I ever got diabetes I don’t know what I’d do.”

Ace:  “My grandfather has diabetes and he pokes his stomach with a needle.  Some times you gotta do what you gotta do I guess.”

Karen:  “How’d you get to be so smart anyway?”

Ace:  “By shutting up and listening.”

Karen:  “That works.  I’ve tried it before.”

[Ace and Karen are silent for a short while.]

Karen:  “While we’re on the subject, I’ve used the silent treatment a few times and it really works.”

Ace:  “Yeah it sure does.  Nothing like telling someone that you’re mad beyond words at them by not talking to them.  They get the hint in a hurry with the silent treatment.”

Karen:  “That they do.  We all have our boundaries and nothing says you crossed the line better than the silent treatment.”

Scene 83 – “Solo Album?  No”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Karen and Ace sitting in classroom talking.]

Karen: “I knew signing that contract was going to be trouble.  Jerry has this idea for me doing a solo album to fulfill that contract and I’m busy if you haven’t noticed.”

Ace: “I’ve noticed.”

Karen: “I told them why don’t they ask Richard to do a solo album or a greatest hits album and leave me out of this.  I have enough to do without adding this to my plate.  But Jerry did get help for my brother and Richard’s out of rehab now and doing better.  I love working with my brother.  Why would I want to do something like this?”

Ace: “Jerry needs to twiddle his thumbs more I guess.  As you notice, I know you too well and I’m trying to stay out of this.”

Karen: “Good choice.  Wish I could join you.”

Ace: “Me too.”

Karen: “Jerry mentioned it to Alpert and Moss and they thought it would be a good idea too.  They recommended a guy named Eddie Kramer.”

Ace: “Isn’t he the guy that worked with Jimi Hendrix and now works with Kiss and Gene Simmons?  Might be interesting.  You could be the next guitar virtuoso.”

Karen: “How can you make jokes at a time like this.  They want to take me away from here again.  Not funny.  Well, actually that is kinda funny in a way with me being a drummer.  They are setting up a meeting between us.  I just don’t want to do this.  I love working with my brother and this is just all wrong.  They see dollar signs and I just see a big headache.  I should have never signed that contract.  I knew something like this was going to happen.”

Scene 84 – “Mom Calls”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Agnes Carpenter (mom – voice only on phone)

[Ace and Karen sitting and talking in classroom.  Phone rings.]

Karen: “Just a minute. [Karen picks up phone] Hello”

Mom (voice): “Hello, Karen is that you?”

Karen: “Hi mom.  This is me.  What’s up?”

Mom (voice): “Hi.  I just called to see what’s going on.  I just sent Richard out to get groceries and it will be a while before he gets back.”

Karen: “That’s good.  I was just going to ask you the same thing about what’s going on.  How has Richard been doing since he got back from the clinic?”

Mom (voice): “Richard has been keeping busy and staying at Lubec for a change of scenery.  Can you keep a secret?”

Karen: “Of course mom, you know me.”

Mom (voice): “Richard has been seeing Mary since he got out.  He tries to hide it but you know me.  You kids can’t pull the wool over my eyes.  Richard’s been bathing himself in cologne and I still wash his clothes.  His clothes reek of Mary’s perfume.  That’s why I called you.  I’m not sure what it is that is going on between you and your brother but you need to do whatever it is for your brother so your brother can take more time off and spend it with Mary and get to know her better if you know what I mean.”

Karen [very excited]: “I know what you mean.  The pitter patter of little feet.  Auntie Karen.  Mary, are you sure?”

Mom (voice): “I’m sure.  He’s probably sneaking off to see her as we speak.  But do whatever it is as a favor for your brother and I’ll make sure that any favor you want in return will be granted.  I’ll make sure of that.  I don’t want anyone messing this up.  You know how fussy your brother is.”

Karen: “OK mom.  I’ll do it.  I’ll let them know and if I have any problems I’ll let you know.”

Mom (voice): “Speaking of which, why do you want to stay out there anyway, what’s up?”

Karen: “Well mom, um” [Karen motions for Ace to speak.]

Ace: “Hi mom.  I’m kind of the reason Karen wants to stay out here.”

Mom (voice): “Like I said, you kids can’t pull the wool over my eyes.”

Ace: “Honey, is that why you’ve been knitting that wool sweater.  To pull the wool over your mom’s eyes?”

Karen: “Yes, Dear.  That’s why.”

Ace: “Shame on you.  Your mom is pretty smart and you’ll need to start knitting some wool booties and a big wool hat too.”

Karen: “I’m working on it.  That and a scarf.”

Ace: “That’s right.  A wrap around scarf so it covers the eyes in the back of her head too.  Good thinking.”

Mom (voice): “All right you two.  This is serious.  You’re going to need to make that scarf extra thick because the eyes in the back of my head are pretty strong you know.”

[Karen, Ace and Mom (voice) laugh together.]

Mom (voice): “He sounds like a nice fellow and I can see what you see in him.  You’ll have to bring him around some time so we can meet him.”

Karen: “Thanks mom, he is.  I’ll try and get a couple pictures of us so you can see when I come home.  And don’t worry I won’t mess this up for Richard.  I promise you I’ll do this as a favor for him.  Don’t let him know that I know though, OK?”

Mom (voice): “Don’t worry.  I won’t.  Well, I better let you go in case he gets back early.”

Karen: “OK mom, thanks.  I figured Richard was hiding something lately.  I figured it was more than something at rehab.  I’m glad we got a chance to talk.”

Mom (voice): “Me too.  Oops, I think he’s coming up the drive now.  I better let you go.”

[Karen hangs up phone.]

Karen: “That was my mom.”

Ace: “I figured that.”

Karen: “You know how women are.  We have our secrets.  I have been trying to fix Richard and Mary up for a long time now.  They’re both sensible people and would make a great couple.  There’s a problem though.”

Ace: “Do tell.  Is she fifteen years younger than Richard or something?”

Karen: “Actually eleven I think but that’s not the problem.  Mary is Mark’s adopted sister and Mark is a first cousin.  Mark’s mom was only pregnant once and Mark and Mary weren’t twins.  But there was a car accident that happened and it was in the papers and one of Mary’s parents died in the accident and the other one was in a wheelchair and passed away a few months later from complications.  But we were at a family get together and Mark was an only child but then suddenly Mark had a baby sister after we heard about this accident in the papers.  The papers called Mary a miracle baby as the accident was really bad and they were surprised anyone survived let alone she didn't have a scratch on her.  Mary is an adopted first cousin and you know how the papers talk.”

Ace: “Definitely, like that article about you back in November was it?”

Karen: “Oh yeah, I forgot.  Richard got them.  The judge didn’t even get to the article and decided for us on just the pictures alone.  They won’t mess with us again.  But it is a tough situation with Richard and Mary because they make a great couple and are so much alike but it’s just that adopted first cousin thing.”

Ace: “Yeah, you know the adopted part is gonna get left out.  Happens all the time.  And then there’s us.  Well, about three years down the road anyway.  It’s nice you two are taking a break because the papers would be having a field day if they found this stuff out.”

Karen: “That’s right, I need you to walk down with me after school so we can get our pictures taken in that booth.”

Ace: “Will do.  It’s a date.  Hey wow, we’ve known each other six months and we’re finally going to have our first date, cool.”

Karen: “Who says I’m going to go on a date with you?”

Ace: “Your mom, remember?”

Karen: “You got me there.”

[Later Karen and Ace walk down to Woolworth’s and use the photo booth inside which prints out strips of three pictures each time.]

April 1979

Scene 85 – “Eddie Kramer Visits”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14), Eddie Kramer

[Karen and Ace are sitting in classroom.  Eddie Kramer walks in.]

Karen: “Hello.  I see you found us all right.”

Eddie: “Just at the top on the stairs like you said.”

Ace [chinese accent]: “Heh-row.  I am Confusion.  He who hesitay muss pause.  Man must be wise rike potato chip.  Sank you for displeasure on shaking your hand.” [Ace holds hand out for handshake and Eddie shakes.]

Eddie: “I work with musicians and I’m not really looking for comedians.  Not bad but your delivery is a little off.”

Ace: “I'm not really looking to be a comedian either.  I’m kind of Karen’s gopher, you know, go for this, go for that.  Anything you need?”

Eddie: “I’m fine thanks. [turns to Karen] So you’re looking to do a solo album and you’re looking for a producer?”

Karen: “Yes, I am.”

Eddie: “Is Richard going to be working with you?”

Karen: “Richard is out of this one.  Just little old me.”

Eddie: “I’ll cut through the chase here.  I am used to working with artists that do their own material.  I’ve noticed that you haven’t written anything yourself.”

Karen: “Richard usually writes that stuff and I’m not much of a music writer.”

Eddie: “This is a bit awkward for me and if you hire me I would do my best for you.  But like you would be like a fish out of water without your brother, I would be like a fish out of water producing you because I am used to artists that write their own material.  I wouldn’t really know where to begin on something like this but I do have some ideas.”

Karen: “Ideas sound good.”

Eddie: “I am known as the producer that tries to inspire my artists with a speech.  My speech is about the raison d’etre which is french for your reason of being or purpose.  I try to inspire my artists to record music that represents what they stand for.  What makes them tick.  Do you have any ideas as to what you stand for?”

Karen: “You know me and Richard are about family and that kind of stuff.  Would that help?”

Eddie: “That would be a start but normally I don’t do this and I have a feeling that you and I working together would be a great learning experience for both of us, but I also have a feeling that it wouldn’t turn out as well as what we would be hoping for.  This is kind of out of character for me but have you ever heard of a producer named Phil Ramone?”

Karen: “I’ve met him a couple times.  I know who he is.”

Eddie: “Phil has a track record of working with artists that don’t do their own material.  I have a feeling if you hired me that we would get stuck somewhere along the lines.  I know what needs to be done here and I have a basic framework because we would need a band and a songwriter to come in but I’m just not used to that kind of setup if you know what I mean.”

Karen: “I know what you mean.”

Eddie: “I have a couple projects I am working on right now but I would have a gap coming up here if needed.  I have a feeling that if we worked together that it would be a fantastic album that we would both be proud of but I also see us probably getting stuck somewhere down the road because we would both be like fishes out of water and out of our elements.  This would be a great opportunity for me to try something different and a great opportunity for you too.  I just feel that with my lack of experience in this sort of thing that it might be better handled by someone who has more expertise working with an artist that doesn’t do their own material.”

Karen: “I see your point.”

Eddie: “I also have a bit of reserve about recommending Phil as I know about you but I also know about him.  It’s the game of life and we’re all rats looking to get a slice of cheese.  When you’ve lived in the cellar basement with the other rats as long as I have you realize there is enough cheese to go around.  You and your brother both have a family type image which is great but Phil has a track record of dragging his clients through the mud, muck and mire of the tabloids to gain free publicity to increase record sales through exposure that way instead of the music itself.  Because of this, Phil doesn’t seem to have a steady clientele and usually has a more open schedule than mine.  It is kind of a two-edged sword with Phil.  He does get results, but the methods he uses aren’t exactly what I would call kosher.  My worries about recommending him are because of your reputation and his reputation.  I saw your recording contract and I noticed that image clause in there.  That could be a big problem if you have anything to hide.  Any skeletons in your closet so to speak?”

Karen: “I don’t really have any skeletons that I’m aware of.  I’m pretty much an open book.”

Ace: “I know she has a couple skeletons in there; we all do but they’re clean.  Nothing actually bad there but some stuff that could be twisted around to try and sound that way.”

Eddie: “That’s great actually.  And that’s what I’m kind of talking about here.  Your little friend would be a prime target for Phil.  With Phil you need to keep your private life private and you need to be certain.  I also saw that article about you in therapy.  You definitely can’t have that kind of stuff floating around with Phil.  You would need to keep your guard up with Phil.  What Phil usually does is invite his artists to live with him while they work and while they are there, Phil usually digs around to try and find some dirt to use in the tabloids to get extra publicity.  He will pressure you to move in with him to get to know you better and bring out your inner essence as he calls it but he’ll be just digging for dirt.  Going through your personal stuff and listening in on your phone calls and going through your contacts and stuff like that.  I notice you keep a diary.  If you do decide to go with Phil you will definitely need to keep your guard up with him especially with your recording contract.  As you know, tabloids are not looking for goody two shoes type stories.”

Karen: “I definitely know about that. I’ve been through it more than a couple times myself.  I see where you’re coming from.”

Eddie: “Well, I’ve given you my sales pitch and I’ve tried to be as honest as possible with you here.  You know my feelings on this and if you do hire me I would be more than willing to help you do your album.  The idea actually intrigues me as I see great potential there.  Unfortunately with my experience I am not sure if I could bring out that potential.  As this will be a new experience for you, I feel you might be better off with someone else that has more experience with this kind of thing instead of both of us flying blind so to speak.  But I leave that up to you.  Here’s my card and I also have Phil’s card if you like too.”

[Eddie hands both business cards to Karen.]

Eddie: “Nice meeting you.  I probably ought to get going.  I think I’ve said all I need to say and with that I bid you a fond adieu.”

Ace: “Thanks.”

Karen: “Thank you Eddie.  You’ve been a great help and given me a lot to consider and think about.  I appreciate you coming by and I’ll definitely give you a call and let you know what I decide.”

[Eddie leaves room.]

[Ace and Karen talking.]

Ace: “He’s a nice guy and really honest.  I know what he said and I know who he is and I think he could really give you that guitar guru legend you always wanted.”

Karen: “Thanks.  I noticed you were kind of quiet.”

Ace: “Yeah, I do listen once in a while.  He had a lot of great stuff to say and like you, he is honest and I feel that would be a great match for this.  Exploring new horizons together and all that.  I like honest people.  Hire him.”

Karen: “But you know what he said and I have met Phil a couple times.  Phil doesn’t seem to be such a bad guy and like Eddie said he gets results.”

Ace: “Don’t you want to be a guitar virtuoso?  I know you’ve said you’ve met Phil a couple times, but meeting someone and working with them are usually two different things.”

Karen: “True, you never really know someone until after you’ve lived with them and their skeletons in their closet.”

Ace: “So true and I know it’s your decision but as you can tell I like Eddie, he’s honest.”

Karen: “I agree with you there but like he said too, we’d both be fish out of water.  I’m a Pisces, remember, I need water.”

Ace: “Good point there.  I hadn’t thought of that.”

Karen: “You never do.  That’s why you need me to do your thinking for you.”

Ace: “So true.  What was I thinking?”

Karen: “That’s a no brainer.  You’re thinking about me like always.”

Ace: “You know me and my skeletons all too well.”

Karen: “That I do and don’t you forget it.”

Scene 86 – “I Wanna Uh with You”

Background: Classroom.  Metal chairs with wood slat in back and wood desktop attached to chair.  Blackboard, etc.

Characters: Karen Carpenter, Ace (Age 13/14)

[Ace sitting in his chair.  Karen sitting in her chair then Karen stands up and goes to the door then on the way back from the door]

Karen: "I wanna uh with you, uh,uh,uh,uh.”

[Karen has her hands up by her sides while saying this and doing a herky jerky motion.]

Ace: “That’s interesting.”

Karen: “Well I just got thinking about what Eddie said the other day and now I’ve got this melody stuck in my head.  Do you like it?”

Ace: “It’s different.”

Watson Homestead stuff

Scene 0XXX - "Baseball Talk 1979"

Scene 0AAA - "Are You Busy?"

May 1979

Scene 0BBB - "That hurts"

Mrs. Woeppel stuff  Rumor Mill

Sir Nicholas Born Visits

Karen in hospital

Earthquake - Mad at Max

John Heib  Miracle Worker

Rod Temperton Off the Wall Call

Karen and Ace walk to Woolworth's Second Rod Call

Max Baer Visits

Buddy Ebsen Visits

Brother Richard Visits - Life Savers - Welcome To the Family

Karen's Calm Down Talk to Ace

Ace shows up at Phil's House

Scene 0YYY - "I Need To Be In Love"

Ace shows up at the New York Studio

Love You More stuff

Scene 0FFF - "Frenda Franklin Talk"

Scene 0GGG - "Steve Martin Talk"

The Rings

Rumors Talk

June 1979

Family Get Together (many parts?)

Marcel Marceau Visits

Karen and Ace Visit His Holiness the 13th and 14th Dalai Lamas

Phil, Rod, Itchie and Itchie's Toy Poodle Visit - 100K Talk

Last Day of School - Goodbyes

February 23, 1980

?Ace Moving


?Ace Sees Doc Darling

Ace and Patti chat in French Class

June 12, 1981


June 15, 1981

Karen had her 'visitor' (menstrual cycle) (1981, IX)

I quit smoking around 9:30 AM (1981, VI)

Karen and I started falling asleep together under the trophy case in the main lobby at the high school (1981, IX)

Karen and I started doing “The Couples Show” (1981, XI)

Karen and I talk about the ‘cop killers’ and such (1981, VIII)

Karen and I started the ‘couples hangout’ at Corning East High (1981, IX)

June 16, 1981

Karen ‘hiding out’ (1981, IV)

Made In America talk (1981, II, VII)

The Aftermax recollection (1981, V)

The others woke me up as I was snoring and they didn't want me to wake Honey (Karen) up around 12:30 PMish (1981, IX?)

Karen questioning me about talking to Renee Araujo (1981, IX)

Karen crying (happy tears, tears of joy) (1981, IX)

The ‘take your hands off her’ incident (1981, IX)

June 17, 1981

Karen crying unexpectedly after I came out of my morning exam and Karen had been talking with the other couples during the exam and had just started crying without anyone knowing why Karen just started crying.  Karen's thoughts actually said that Karen had realized that this was going to be our next to the last day together and Karen was not wanting it to end so soon on the next day, Thursday the 18th.  I told others that it was because Karen was having a rough period and was tired and missed me during the exam (1981, III)

Karen and I fall asleep about 12:30 PM and I think it was about 8 PM when the secretary, Lois, woke us up.  We slept (1981, IX)

June 18, 1981

Karen does not have her 'visitor' (menstrual cycle) (1981, X)

Tom Burris shows up at the school in the morning after being suspicious about Karen getting back so late the night before.  Karen leaves the school with Tom and then Karen comes back to the school by herself after Tom dropped Karen off after Karen threatened to tell Tom's son about the upcoming divorce and the reasons behind that divorce (1981, X)

Karen and I sneak off to the auditorium (shh, you aren’t supposed to know about this.  Karen was still married to Tom and because Tom accused Karen, Karen didn’t want to be accused of something if it wasn't true, double shh) (XXX, not in there, shhh, well kind of mentioned 1983, III)

The last time Karen and I did “The Couples Show” (1981, XI)

Because of the divorce, Karen and I agree not to contact each other until after Karen gets her divorce so that Tom doesn't have a chance to accuse Karen of anything before her divorce (1981, X)

Tom Burris shows back up at the school later (around 3 PM?) (1981, X)

June 20, 1981

Cousin Patti Graduates (many parts?)

February 3, 1983

Karen’s phone call to me around 9 PMish Eastern US Time or 5 PMish Pacific Time (1983, III)

February 4, 1983

Lois Crandell Lunch

Richard Visits

February 7, 1983

Lost Memories

May 28, 2019

Memories Return